Credit:Leigh Keily
Why does my family not like me? Twelve years ago, Terry Crews asked the gut-wrenching question. The professional athlete, actor, andentrepreneur had worked himself to the bone and gotten what he wanted. He had five beautiful kids and was married for decades. After a seven-year career in the NFL, he found success on the big and small screen, starring in TV shows like Everybody Hates Chris and movies like Get Smart and The Longest Yard. He is also the CEO of virtual production company Amen and host of America's Got Talent.
On that night in 2010, crews had to admit that everything wasn't okay. Painful experiences from his past were catching up with him. The crews were 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 800-273-3217 He was determined to make it to the top and never allowed himself to look back. The whole house of cards would be brought down if he showed weakness. In his new book, Tough: My Journey to True Power, he writes that the fight had taken a terrible mental and physical toll, leading him to exhaustion, addiction, and decision-making that nearly destroyed everything he worked so hard to achieve.
He explains how he has found another path to success after a decade of recovery from personal demons.
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What does the word "tough" mean to you now?
I changed the meaning of the word Tough to make my book Tough. Men live their lives trying to get what they want. You're going to show anyone who doubted you that success is the best revenge. He took everything personally when he watched The Last Dance. It was a revenge movie. I ended up damaged and hurt by that mentality. I was blown away by the quote I read. Sometimes intelligent decision-making requires us to forget what we have lost and reexamine the situation as it exists today. Wait a minute, I went. I need to let this stuff go. Being tough is not about showing people up. Being tough is about looking at yourself in a different way. You are doing surgery on yourself, and you are rethinking your life and decisions. It's painful, but that's what tough is.
What made you start this kind of work on yourself?
My wife was leaving. I was very successful in my career, but when I looked at my personal life, I wondered how I went wrong. How did I miss this? I went to rehab for porn addiction. I learned the serenity prayer while in rehab. That was a turning point for me. It blew me away. Accepting what you can change, having the courage to change what you can, and knowing the difference are all part of the prayer. Why doesn't my wife believe me? Why did I lie? I had more power than I thought.
How do you tell someone to start on this kind of self-assessment? It is not always easy to see our own fault.
Look at your life as a business. Are you not getting the results you want? Look at the spreadsheet. We are losing money here. We have to stop that. I did that with my life. I am doing great over here, but this part is not working. Ask your friends to help you. You don't want a bunch of sycophants around you. That is a disaster. The people who really love me will tell the truth no matter what. And it is! It is like walking around with a nail in your shoe. When that stuff heals, you're stronger than ever.
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Entrepreneurs struggle with a nonstop hustle mentality. Have you ever experienced that?
The world will praise you for being a hard worker. That led to little mistakes and big mistakes for me. People who are very successful start to think they can cheat. I can do a lot better if I just lie about it. Bad decisions lead to your morality being taken away. The reality is different than the image you have of a successful person. I am two people. My wife walked out because of this. When I said what I was going to do, I was able to find balance.
The image is courtesy of Terry Crews.
You speak a lot about toxic masculinity. What are some of the ways that culture can affect a team?
It looks like you are on a team, but it is actually a bunch of men competing for the same job. I could smile at you and say, "Hey, I am ready to work with you." But secretly, I am trying to destroy you. Somebody is cheering because they have an opportunity. Competition leads to damaged goods. It changes everything once you realize that someone else's success helps you. We all win if the guy next to you thrives.
What has acting taught you?
It sucked when I tried to steal a scene or make it all about me. You will get it if you approach the scene wanting the other person to laugh. The more you give, the more you get back. As soon as people see you giving instead of competing, they will help you.
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You have been very open about your addiction and sexual assault that you experienced at the hands of a Hollywood executive. What made you want to speak out, and what were you hoping to accomplish?
Going public has helped me deal with my own issues. It loses its power when you put it out there. I was inspired by the women who came forward. I didn't say anything when that happened to me. I don't know why I didn't. I was given the courage to do it by these women. I stood before Congress for the Bill of Rights. People are going to say a lot of things about you when you talk about this stuff. But standing up for people who can't stand up for themselves and putting themselves out there as a human being, not a superhero? That is being difficult.
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