Steph Curry
Steph is surprisingly tall in spirit, standing at 6'4 ¾. His children are all 10 footers. Little Bro Seth is 5'8".
Kevin Durant
5'11". Workaday. Quiet roommate. Tragically introverted.
LeBron James
Exactly one inch shorter than a slouching Michael Jordan in socks. Michael Jordan's socks are pretty thick though.
James Harden
5'6", but his proportions and angles are sublime and he understands shadows and sleight-of-hand so well you'd swear on your life that he's really 5'7".
Patrick Beverly
187 miles tall with the heart of a lion, the brain of a hyena, the soul of a poet. Incredible game the other night, mate.
Damian Lillard
69 big ones.
Russell Westbrook
8'8", just a free-falling giant stomping sauropod of a man, a DJ Khaled song that never gets past the "We the Best!" declaration, can't stop, shant stop. Not a human being.
Kevin Love
6'2", in spirit shoes. New Balance spirit shoes.
Karl-Anthony Towns
6'6". No further comments. There is just not much to say about the inner workings of KAT's soul at the moment.
Matthew Dellevedova
Who honestly cares?
Draymond Green
6'7". As luck, or nay, fate would have it, Draymond's inflated height in the material world is also his inner height. Incredible.
Nikola Jokić
5'10", but plays (slightly) bigger.
Anthony Davis
Honestly, 6'9" seems about right. That's really big. You know that famous story of David and Goliath? Goliath was probably like 5'9".
Trevor Ariza
6'4", but the gangly frame and haunted eyes add an inch.
Kawhi Leonard
6 ½', the boring man's tall man.
"Is your lover tall?"
"Why yes, they are indeed."
"Cool, how tall?"
"6 feet and half an inch."
"Oh. Shit. I see. Wow. I guess that's technically tall, yeah. Anyway, I think it would be best if we never spoke again."
Derek Fisher
0 feet, 0 inches, this man does not exist nor did he ever.
Rajon Rondo
All that crass volcanic fury and unearned confidence can't mask the fact that this man is 5'2". Massive hands though. Incredible. Connect Four champion.
Boban Marjanović
Boban, lovely sweet Boban, is one million liters or 264172.052 gallons. Tobias Harris shares the exact same measurements.
Kyrie Irving
As soon as a troubled genius/janitor from Southie solves this wild equation, we will be almost halfway to an answer (0ne of many).
Giannis Antetokounmpo
Constantly growing, beyond description, beyond words, beyond reality itself. Stop calling him a freak. Freaks couldn't blind the eye of the world quite like this.
Lonzo Ball
Exactly as tall an average sized toddler in centimeters, or approximately as tall as an above-average infant in inches.
Dennis Schoeder
A tall 5'8", lucky blue hoodie, transcendent kickflips, super comfortable in his own skin, always shares his American Spirits with strangers.
Eric Gordon
The most cherubic looking person to ever touch a basketball is 5'5". The perfect spiritual height to aggressively hold doors open for strangers even when they are like pretty far away.
Will Barton
Always the exact height of the person you love the most in the world, so probably between 5'4" and 5'10".
Davis Bertans
Does not have a soul, which is not a judgment call per se, just stating facts, look into his eyes and tell me there's anything going on behind those blank peepers of his.
Kyle Lowry
5'4" and extremely aware of it.
Vince Carter
Probably legitimately beginning to shrink at this point.
Kobe Bryant
6'5", possibly the tallest man to ever have a true, bona fide Napoleon complex.
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander
6'10" inside the body of a 6'6" man. You almost don't want to keep him pure and not watch the rest of his career, because remember The Strokes?
Tony Snell
Tony Snell is 5'12" and a half, with gloomy eyes that smash dialectics.
Blake Griffin
5'11" and ¾, so perilously close to an honest six-feet.
Kemba Walker
Kemba was downgraded from 6'1", to 6' (which means 5'11"), but I think more accurately, if we're talking souls, Kemba has proven that he actually stands at about 6'2 and ¾. Kemba has proven many things to us over the years.
*the author is not tall
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