I don't like being on my own. You think a lot when you are on your own. Things happened to us when I was small. Sometimes I think about them when I am on my own.
The two-part documentary about the life of Paul Gascoigne is both sad and pathetic.
It is an examination of the question of whether or not he was doomed to do so from the very beginning or if his implosion was the result of a rapacious media that hounded him for a long time. His own trauma remains unresolved.
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A young friend of Gascoigne's was killed in a car crash and died in his arms. He blamed himself and didn't get the help he needed. Football appeared to distract him, maybe even save him. He was not alone anymore.
The theme of self-destruction began before Gazzamania really took hold, as shown in this new documentary, five years in the making and filled with remarkable footage that will amuse and appal.
People were afraid of the worst even if they had a hint of fame.
There is a sense of dread in a 1980s feature on him. A reporter talks about how he will avoid temptations in the future.
The transfer to Spurs for a British record fee before he had played for England made fears worse. He said he would take it to the bookies and asked how he would stay on the rails.
Even when things are going well, an appearance on Terry Wogan's chat show has the host openly speculating that all this fame could turn out to be a nightmare. People knew where this was going, but they couldn't see it.
Greg Miskiw, a former News of the World journalist, says that some characters will go off the rails.
The talent shines through during periods of the documentary. You may have seen the twists and turns before. The free-kick against them. The goal against Scotland at Euro 96 is a goal that will stay with you for a long time.
There is a lot of lesser-seen footage, from the early days at Newcastle through his hey-day with Spurs and Lazio. Even though he cannot remember, his goal against Diego Maradona is magnificent.
He drew people in rather than pushing them away. It was possible to connect with people and disarm them. Paul Stewart, his old team-mate, says that people just wanted to touch him.
Even when attempting to explain, elements of his character cannot be excused. Stewart stopped speaking to him when his wife was abused by him for the first time.
The media are portrayed as villains of the piece, but they were often his tormentors. The laughter that greets his gags even during a press conference to apologize for the physical abuse towards Sheryl feels shocking now. Glenn Hoddle stood by him. He was very much interested in what was going on.
The second half of the documentary features phone-hacking. Paul McMullan, a News of the World journalist, says that Gascoigne was not paranoid.
It paints a vivid picture of the tabloid wars and the claustrophobic lifestyle that he was trapped in.
One friend says that Gascoigne was being used and abused, and that he was left unable to trust his own mother.
I didn't think he had the stability to deal with it.
He was able to hold it together for a long time. When Paul Merson recalls him drinking wine on the train, he was expected to be named in the World Cup squad.
Was anyone able to help?
Mel Stein says he is not his doctor. We didn't control his life.
Neither could Gascoigne.
The story ends where it started. Alone fishing. His face was haunted at 54. Anna says that football was Paul's entire life.
That was the most sad of thoughts.
What would it have been like if Paul had just been an average footballer?
I wish that had happened.
On April 13 and 20 at 9pm, Gazza is on iPlayer.
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