Air Fresno introduces standing-room only cabin

In an attempt to bring the joy of the New York City Subway to the friendly skies, the new airline Air Fresno is offering passengers a special opportunity to fly in its standing-room-only cabin.

The brainchild of Gary Busey and a guy he met in a Las Vegas bathroom, the new airline flies only between California and Nevada.

Mike Downey, the company's Head of Customer Experience, said that removing seats and replacing them with metal poles for guests to hold onto is embracing the end of social distance. After previous jobs at Theranos, Enron, and Bernard L. Madoff Investment Securities, Downey joined Air Fresno.

Since guests will be standing for the full duration of the flight, instead offering a traditional snack and drink service, Air Fresno has formed a strategic partnership with a vendor from Yankee Stadium who will hurl bags of peanuts in the direction of hungry guests.

Passengers are encouraged to throw their peanut shells on the floor to reduce the use of plastic bags. Customers with peanut allergies who sign up for the airline's loyalty program will receive a complimentary EpiPen.

Downey acknowledged that other airlines are hesitant to embrace a similar business model, but he believes that this new class of service will change the flight industry. Air Fresno received a cease-and-desist and restraining order when they applied to become part of the Star Alliance.

You can purchase a ticket by e-mailing your full name, social security number, bank account details, and fingerprints to flythefresnoskies@aol.com. You can fax your details to the phone number listed on their page.

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