| Episode one of 'Gazza' airs on BBC Two on Wednesday, 13 April at 21:00 BST, with episode two broadcast exactly one week later. Both will be available on BBC iPlayer from 21:00 BST on Wednesday, 13 April. |
It was emotional to watch everything back. Some things are hard to watch, but others are good memories with my friends.
A two-part documentary about the life and career of former England footballer Paul Gascoigne will be shown on the BBC later this month.
This is the real story of my time in football - the good and the bad of who I am - and what really happened around me, says the 54-year-old.
Gascoigne was the most eye-catching English player of his generation and captured the country's attention with his flair and quirky, working-class Geordie charisma.
At the 1990 World Cup, England's run to the semi-finals turned the then 25-year-old into an international star.
Four years after he joined Lazio, he helped England to a semi-final at the Euros.
The whole story of Paul Gascoigne isn't just that.
He has struggled with alcoholism.
He has admitted to domestic violence against his ex-wife, as well as being found guilty of assault, harassment and racially aggravated abuse.
There is a lot of this explored in the two episodes, as well as Gascoigne's troubled relationship with the tabloid press.
The first episode contains a tragic story of childhood trauma that affected Gascoigne.
He held one of his brothers in his arms as he died.
Steven was knocked down by an ice cream van while he was being escorted by Gascoigne.
His family spoke about the impact of the film.
Anna says that Paul blamed himself. He would wake up screaming.
Carol says her son developed a stutter after the accident.
Paul Stewart and Gascoigne won the FA Cup together and are featured in a documentary.
In 2004, Gascoigne wrote about his struggles with a number of disorders.
The best player in the world at the time, Gazza, was not stopped by Stewart's compulsive behaviours in the dressing room.
He says he saw that Gazza would gorge on food and make himself sick. He would check doors many times.
I didn't know it was a condition, but I thought it was Paul.
Stewart revealed in 2016 that he had been abused as a child by his football coach.
In a line that did not make the final documentary, Stewart said that we were all dealing with our own things.
One team-mate who understood Gascoigne was Paul Merson, who has been open about his own struggles with alcohol, substance and gambling addiction.
Both played for England.
Merson says they got on. We had the same issues.
Stewart and Gascoigne share a dressing room.
He says that Paul used to invite most of Dunston down to London.
We would go straight from training to the hotel bar and get drunk on the football club.
There are pictures of one of Gascoigne's friends or team-mates running around naked in the training complex.
When Gascoigne joined Lazio, he was given a hero's welcome.
Jane Nottage, his personal assistant at the time, says his behavior became increasingly erratic, including problems in his relationship with future wife.
She told a story of him going AWOL before the friendly.
Gascoigne was sent home from training because he had a temperature the day before the game.
She says he went missing the next day.
The kids wanted to go to Euro Disney, so he just got on the plane and left. We arrive 45 minutes before kick-off. He hasn't had sleep, he has been stressed from the flight, and he has had alcohol.
He scored a brilliant goal despite the unconventional preparation. Nottage asked him how he had done it.
She remembers that at that point, he looked away and shook his head.
The film deals with Gascoigne's violence towards his wife.
In 1996, pictures of a badly bruised and black-eyed Sheryl were published.
The documentary team tried to interview her, but she declined. Director Sam Collins said it was important for them to tell her side of the story with the available material.
When their families were on holiday, Stewart discovered that Gascoigne had been hitting Sheryl.
He says that Sheryl came down with dark sunglasses on and told his wife that he had hit her.
We didn't speak for eight months.
There are a lot of things I look back on with sadness, and I wish I had done better.
The News of The World stopped printing in 2011.
Since Gascoigne's playing career came to an end, it has emerged that private messages on his phone were hacked - something he has said drove him to severe paranoia.
Two journalists who were punished for their work feature in the documentary, even though former editor and chief executive Rebekah Brooks was cleared of all charges.
Graham Johnson, who acted as a whistle-blower, was given a suspended sentence, while Greg Miskiw, who was found guilty of phone-hacking, was given a six-month prison sentence.
In the film, both speak about how they and their colleagues obtained information on celebrities, including the Gascoigne family.
Miskiw says he formed a relationship with a detective agency.
Miskiw says Gascoigne was one of the first to fall for these dark arts and he was easy meat.
During the film, Gascoigne's sister says he became paranoid because of story leaks.
She says that he would have private conversations with her mam and then it would be in the papers.
He fell out with my mam and we thought he was paranoid.
Paul McMullan, a former journalist, says that the guy ends up being diagnosed with extreme paranoia when the reality is not paranoia at all.
We put paranoia there.
During his career, Gascoigne said he loved being in the public eye.
opening shops, recording Fog on the Tyne, doing adverts... I was still performing on the pitch despite the fact that I enjoyed every minute of it.
At the time people criticized me and said I was doing too much, but my football was as good as it ever was.
He talks about the negative impact.
It was difficult to go out and about with the press following us and our family, and they would follow us and our family for a long time.
A lot of the stories the press would print weren't true and they would make stuff up about me.
Gascoigne hopes viewers will take away from the film the great times he had.
There are a lot of things that weren't good or perfect, but you can't change the past with the good things you've done.
If you have been affected by the issues raised in this article, you can get help from the Action Line.
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