Sexual liberation is here in 2022. A watered-down version of it.
Female sexuality is having its moment. There are campaigns that encourage women to talk about wanking. Viagra on the Tube has ads for sex toys. You can probably take an online quiz to find out which high end sex toy you're most like based on your favourite show, but it's unlikely to suggest a toy that actually works for you.
Is it ok for us to talk about female pleasure because we can sell cis women cute vibrators? The answer is yes. A number of celebrities have endorsed or released their own sex toys in the last year. Sex Ed: A Guide for Adults author Ruby Rare believes that the strides forward in sexual liberation are driven by capitalism.
The difference in how sex toys are treated for cis women and cis men is shown by Rare. White, straight, thin, abled cis women are marketed as essentials and sex toys for them are the same. It is a different social shame than that of a cis woman having a one night stand.
Sex toys come with a perceived stigma. Sex toys marketed towards cis men are not considered a fun addition to partners or solo sex. Sex shops that cater to mostly male customers are more acceptable than those that cater to the middle class.
Even with a smart marketing campaign, it's hard to shake the taboo around sex toys for men. A photo of a cis woman caressing a carefully placed grapefruit with a purple vibrator is not acceptable in the way a cis man thrusts his penis into a toy shaped like a porn performer's mouth. Sex toys for people with penises aren't profitable, innovative designs aren't being brought to the market, and the stigma around them isn't so easy to overcome.
The classic. Credit: Moussa81 / Getty Images
It feels like the aim is just to sell sex toys successfully, rather than actually help people feel good about their bodies, so why not go for the easier marketing option?
Sex toy marketers often use the suggestive grapefruit because in an erotophobic society even the biggest companies need to work within the rules. They have to get creative in order to get around the social taboo and strict nudity guidelines on social media. sanitising their brand and leaning into a desexualised aesthetic almost always means getting creative.
Dakota Johnson joined the team as an investor and co-creative director in 2020 after the company reached an unprecedented $10 million in funding. Maude insists that its products are not sex toys, they are instead referred to as "essentials" for sexual well-being. Epiphora tells me that Maude is creating the illusion of doing something meaningful and not really interested in empowering customers. If the company were to consider that not everyone uses sex toys, and not everyone uses them for health reasons, it would be a mistake.
Sex toys are toys for sex, according to Epiphora. Sex toys are meant for adding fun and fun to your sex life. In our sex- negative culture, where to enjoy sex is important.
Sex toy companies really, really love pink and purple. Credit: Shutterstock / Nataliia Maksymenko
The aim of the company is to take sex and the pleasure of people with vulvas seriously.
70% of women don't orgasm during vaginal sex and so external stimulation is often needed.
Sex toys are increasingly being sold as tools for sexual empowerment. Sex toys are used to get our bodies back from the patriarchy. They are marketed to us as a way to own our sexuality and show how progressive and feminist we are. We miss out on the bigger conversations about sexual liberation because we caption our new sex toys with #orgasmsareselfcare. We don't talk about consent, bodily autonomy, and how sex can be fun. A marketing campaign for a new toy might be based around self-love, but it is not acceptable to dig into reproductive justice.
It's not necessary when your goal is to make money. How well are feminist toys doing?
Sex toy companies proudly tout being founded by women, when those women are almost always white, cis, straight, young, and able-bodied, according to Epiphora.
Marketing materials that are trendy can be alienating. Betty, who is in a long-term relationship, says that the way sex toys are marketed makes her feel like they are only for sexy people.
She says she feels like a pile of mashed potato when she tries to wear sexy clothes.
Sex tech companies are not talking to all women. People of colour, queer and trans people, disabled people, older people, fat people, and even non-monogamous people are often left out. Sex tech marketing focuses on how the toy will help cis women close the orgasm gap, which is the term used to describe the difference in orgasms between cishet couples. Straight cis women are disproportionately affected by this issue. Straight cis women say they always orgasm at 65 percent of the time, compared to 95 percent of straight cis men.
It's not just celebrities endorsing sex toys, it's every influencer with a brand deal who just received their first sex toy. The Satisfyer Pro 2 is rave about on multiple episodes of The Guilty Feminist. If they reminded their audience that not every toy works for everyone, that would be great. Instead, we get statements like "It's a miracle!" and "Everyone is guaranteed mind-blowing orgasms with that particular toy."
The consumers who suffer when a product is presented as universal are the ones who suffer the most. The idea that in order to be a sexually empowering feminist woman, she needed to find a vibrator that worked for her was something that Astrid used to buy into. She was promised that air-pulse technology toys would give her the orgasms she was looking for.
She says it made her feel weird, like everyone else had figured it out and she used it wrong.
It is revolutionary to have celebrities endorse sex toys. The sex positive steps we have taken to get to this point are very important. I have been able to buy sex toys for nearly the entire time I have been alive. It's a hard-won privilege that condoms are as easy to purchase as s vibrators, and one I probably take for granted. It's easier to buy a vibrating cock ring than it is to buy a dental dam.
The progress we have made in being able to talk about female pleasure is important and should be celebrated. The cultural narrative around sex toys and female pleasure has been changed by celebrities holding up sex toys. They are helping mainstream culture start to have conversations that were once considered taboo. We are chipping away at the shame that surrounds sex. Women are asking for what they want in the bedroom and are feeling more confident about it.
Even though empowerment is supposed to replace shame, it still comes with strict rules for what is socially acceptable or celebrated. The penis should not be replaced, because prioritisation of cute, clitoral vibrators over dildos promotes a Heteronormative view of sex. A study found that clitoral stimulation can orgasm more often than penetrative sex alone. The majority of sex toys marketed at cis women are non-threatening colors. The idea that a woman might want to fuck herself with something resembling an actual penis seems to be far less palatable than the idea that a man might want to fuck her. It could be far more queer.
Sex tech companies can't get away from the fact that they are selling sex toys, even though some try. For bigger companies, that means ignoring the fact that their customers aren't all white, straight, thin, and abled cis women. Sex toys can make the sex you're having queer.
When companies use the language of sexual liberation to sell sex toys, it's just a side effect of what they're trying to do.
These conversations are important, but they are only the first step. Women are still socially shamed out of asking for what they want in bed, even though they feel more liberated to do so. Sex tech companies will need to keep the conversation clean in order to ensure profit, according to Rare. Slut-shaming and sexual assault will be ignored in favor of a discussion about pleasure.
Epiphora says that pleasure is a worthy goal. She is correct. Feminism will never be truly empowering because sexual liberation is driven by capitalism. Sex toys aren't more inclusive if you make them more accessible and you work with celebrities. Sex can be fun and messy, but not always sexy, which is why we don't talk about it in marketing sex toys.
Orgasms are just one part of sexual liberation. The sex tech industry may be able to thrive without digging under the surface of sexual empowerment that they are selling us.
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