I was supposed to go to New York City to see a Broadway musical with Ryan, the man I had been dating for the past month. I dated this man for six months starting in April 2021. It would be a long trip. A romantic trip. None of it was real. Ryan and I broke up in November because he didn't have enough time for me. He couldn't meet on the weekends due to his summer vacations and he had to cancel or change days and times of our meetings. I wanted to date someone who had space for me. I let him go. Not really. Not enough. I dated a few men, but I never felt connected to anyone. I was not intimate with anyone. I kept thinking that they aren't Ryan and that I wanted to go back to him. I can't explain the draw except to say that the connection I felt with him was the connection people talk about when they meet their person. You feel it. I felt it. I sent Ryan a text after another bad date. I was supposed to meet this man in the parking lot of the restaurant, but he canceled and I don't want to be there. I want to meet you. It's stupid that we aren't dating anymore. Isn't it? He suggested we meet for coffee. He said he had been dating other women, but hadn't met anyone he connected with. He said that he had been going through the motions. He said he was willing to try again. We started texting. I have been working with my life coach to believe that I can have the things I want. I asked him if he wanted to go with me to Palm Springs after she encouraged me to ask for what I needed. I was surprised when he said he would, but he needed a few days to work it out. He realized he couldn't go to Palm Springs after three days. He was locked into spending the weekend with his boss and a group of older men because flights were too expensive. He told me that The Music Man was playing in New York and asked if I would go with him. I almost cried because I was so happy. In my previous marriage, I would often ask my ex to take a last-minute trip with me, but he would always say it would take too much effort. It was amazing to do something romantic with Ryan. I would get good things from the universe. I was deserving. I only had to ask. Ryan booked the theater tickets for me. The flight and hotel were booked by me. I would cover those. I was happy to do it because he didn't have a lot of money. We talked about the trip. I felt like I was falling for him again. I felt supported and cared for in that way. A good way. And then... A woman messaged me on Facebook and said she wanted to know who I was. Ryan had just broken up with her, she claimed. She said she saw that I had given him money for tickets, and she asked what the tickets were for. They had been together for two years and she wanted to know what was going on. I went to her page and felt sick. I discovered that everything he told me during our previous six months together had been a lie. All of those times he had work trips or fishing weekends with his buddies or obligations with his kids, he was actually with his girlfriend. The double life that Ryan had been living came into view as I scrolled through her photos. He was with his girlfriend in Nashville when he said he was out of town. That wasn't the only time. Everything he told me was a lie. He had work trips or fishing weekends with his friends, he was with his girlfriend in Chicago for the jazz festival, or they had been celebrating New Year together. He said it was hard to be a third wheel with his friends and their wives. I was looking at a photo of him with his arm around a woman. Ryan had lied about why he couldn't be with me, and he also sent me text messages saying he couldn't wait to see me. He said it was nice to stay connected. He said he was going to be intimate with me. He used his kids as an excuse for why we couldn't get together. I demanded to know what was happening. He confessed that he was dating six other women while he was dating me. He had been dating two women other than me and his girlfriend of two years. I couldn't believe it. I lost $600 because he refused to pay me back for the ticket to New York. I lost the relationship I thought I had. Ryan did more than hurt. Not telling the truth is more than that. He destroyed my spirit, my trust, and my belief in love. I will not let him ruin my sense of self-worth. I'm 48 years old and have been in two marriages and 15 years of being someone's partner. I don't want to do online dating, but what are my other options? At times it feels shameful to want to be with someone. I let myself get hurt because I wanted to be loved so much. I invited this into my life. I didn't. I believe that online dating has created a new way to cheat. It makes it easy to find and prey on people who are open-hearted and trusting. The exploiters are always on the lookout for the next target and the next thrill, and the next one is only a few steps away. The ability to instantly create a new persona and many lies to go with it allows people to be who they want to be. You never know if the person you're meeting is who they say they are. I made the mistake of justifying the red flags I saw early on by saying that Ryan couldn't spend time with me because he was busy with work and his kids. I'm embarrassed. I was humiliated. I'm sad. If my story helps one other person take a closer look at their relationship, then it's worth sharing my hurt publicly. I haven't given up despite the fact that I'm even more cautious about online dating. How else do you meet someone in a world that has been in a state of emergency for two years? I am better-equipped to see danger signs now. I ask more questions. I do internet searches. I am less trusting and more cautious. It isn't how I want it to be. It is certainly not romantic. I refuse to allow Ryan and what he did to rob me of the chance to find love. He doesn't get that either. I'm moving forward. I'm doing it a little less open-hearted and maybe a little less forgiving, and that makes me sad. This isn't the person I wanted to be, but it's a different world than it was 15 years ago, and I'm at least for now. Ryan will move forward as well. He will continue dating. Maybe he will take someone with him to New York. He will probably continue hurting people until enough women stand up to him and call him out on his behavior. Maybe I'm the first to call him. I hope I'm not the last. Some identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals mentioned. An award-winning audiobook narrator and a USA Today bestselling author are some of the things that Tanya Eby does. She is shopping for a book. Do you want your story to be published on HuffPost? Send us a pitch if you know what we're looking for. The article was originally on HuffPost. 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