Then, the conversation ends. Maybe a few weeks later, they'll message "hey" again. This time, I probably won't answer. (While I could put more effort into my responses, I tend to save that for convos I'm initiating ... or for people who say a little more than "hey.")
If your bio is blank, or contains nothing but the emoji for your zodiac sign, your matches might not be able to think of much to say besides "hey." Even a few lines about yourself can make it much easier to get a conversation flowing. "Your bio is a space to set your intentions, so if you're someone who likes to get to know your potential match over a drink or through an activity, make it clear upfront," a Tinder spokesperson tells Refinery29.
They suggest, "Include some fun activities you're interested in trying this winter or bars, restaurants you want to try - let your match choose one and you'll be checking off a bucket list item while on a first date!"
I feel validated: the experts agree that "hey" doesn't cut it. "There's a ton of single people out there, so your opening message really needs to stand out if you want to land a date IRL," Melissa Hobley, Global Chief Marketing Officer at OkCupid, tells Refinery29.
She adds, "One thing so many people are guilty of is sending 'hey' as a first message. This doesn't make anybody want to engage in a conversation with you, and actually has an 84% chance of being completely ignored."
So, if you can't say "hey," what should you say? "Instead, take a look at their profile and comment on something specific that you like," Hobley suggests. "Maybe you noticed they love hiking or going to concerts. If they like traveling, ask them about their last trip! This will help get the conversation going, and make the person interested in meeting up with you to chat more."
Once the conversation is flowing, ask your match if they'd like to grab coffee or a drink - ideally within the next few days, not three weeks from now. "If you're interested in meeting with someone, make plans quickly! Everyone's busy, so don't find excuses not to meet up," Hobley says.
"This kind of interaction will lead to a very different direction (an actual date!) than spending time with small talk in chat purgatory," she adds. "I know that it can feel awkward to make the first move. You might be wondering, 'Am I going to come across as too aggressive or desperate?' I've been there. But the truth is, is that nothing is more cool, confident, and sexy than someone who is comfortable taking the lead."
"Plus, there's the added benefit of actually being able to connect live and get to know the person at a deeper level before spending the time to meet up," she adds. "This would prevent you showing up for a date and realizing within the first five seconds that the person wasn't who you thought was going to be."
So click that "edit" button, spruce up your profile, and get matching - just don't begin with "hey."
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