The American psychologist began arriving early to the department store where she worked so she could avoid the salespeople she spent most of her time with. She wanted to escape one colleague who disagreed with her about shop-floor manners. Don't steal clients. The co-worker is curious. In the early mornings, West could be sure they wouldn't run into each other, which can lead to ill health. The situation became so preoccupying that West quit, not resolving the conflict at all. Yes. How much energy did that take up? A lot.
West is a professor of psychology at New York University, where she runs the West Interpersonal Perception Lab, a research unit that studies how we deal with each other, and how those interactions affect our mental and physical states. She noticed that a lot of what she was observing could be captured in the workplace. She realized that most of us don't know how to resolve conflict at work, like her younger self.
She says she doesn't know what to do when someone is a low-level asshole.
West and I are going to discuss her new book, Jerks at Work, in which she explains the types of bad colleagues we encounter in the workplace, and attempts to equip readers with strategies to mend disputes. The alternative, retaliating through confrontation, which often ends in more conflict since most people don't enjoy having their flaws spelled out to them in excruciating detail, is something we think of.
West thinks we are all capable of being poor colleagues. There is a lot of work jerkery that is based on innate feelings and behaviours. The feeling of forwarding an email you have been accused of not sending is probably the same as winning a battle. Those people are more likely to be free-riders at work. West says he has seen people act the same way in meetings as he did on the shop floor. It affects us deeply because of attacks on reputation, hotshot egos, credit stealing, microagression and passive aggression. When West was re-arranging her faculty's office plan, she was faced with kickbacks from colleagues upset at the changes.
It would be amusing if it weren't so damaging. Studies have shown that stress can lead to a number of health problems.
West asked parents to deliver a talk to strangers and then had them sit with their children, all of whom were between six and 12 months old. Work. You can see it through all of these channels. You put it in your face. You sigh. Your family becomes more attentive. It affects your relationship with them. It also affects their metabolism. Their stress. She looks concerned that if you don't solve your problems at work, your kids are going to suffer.
You have had bad colleagues. It is also possible that you have had a bad boss. Don't you know that everyone has a story? Maybe it involves micromanagement, neglect, or small acts of criticism. Maybe the malevolence was too much. If you were to describe it to friends later, it would seem unimportant and you might come off as hypersensitive. It's true of so much workplace conflict, that a jerk is often a jerk for a series of small, collective actions, not for one terrible deed. Sometimes bosses don't realize the effect they are having on workers, and it is helpful to remain modest about their self-awareness. A woman recently told me that she once had a female boss who did all of the following in an open-plan office, in front of both male and female colleagues.
1. I was asked what products I used.
2. I was asked what bra size I wore.
3. I was asked when I was going to have children.
4. She didn't like personal questions and told me off for asking them.
Managers become managers because they have excelled at their previous job or because they have been drifting around an organisation long enough for higher-ups to finally announce. It's a bit embarrassing if you get so far up at work and you still suck at it. You don't want to admit it. She writes that once you get to a certain career stage, it feels patronising to take a class.
West believes that we undervalue how much communication affects the workplace, and that this skill is rarely taught. She wonders why workers aren't coached in conflict management. West says that there are some basic skills like how to check in that are needed by bosses. Little things managers should do are simple, they don't require charisma or mind-reading or any of those kinds of soft skills, they just require small changes in behavior. It's obvious shit. Many of us don't do it because nobody told us to.
The shift to remote work brought on by the Pandemic has been kind to some and bad to others. Colleagues who used to benefit from the informal workplace conversations that were allowed to occur in office environments have been hampered by the use of Zoom calls, which involve structure and multiple attendees, and it is difficult to bitch about a colleague if your target is with you on-screen. Others have done well. It is easier for neglectful bosses to neglect with physical distance. Bosses should never assume no news is good news, because what does the workday look like now? West attended a department video conference in which one colleague was dominated by yelling so that he appeared on screen more than anyone else, making it difficult for the meeting's organiser.
Speaker View, which allows a single participant to monopolise, and instead break the screen up into a grid, is an easy fix for the Zoom problem, which is remarkably at this stage of working-from- home. West describes this strategy as controlling the spotlight. Conflicts that involve similarly simple actions are more difficult to resolve. In Jerks at Work, West helps readers understand that a poor office situation isn't futile and that there is always a move to make. She suggests that bulldozers should learn to speak first in meetings and that micromanagers should set mutually agreed upon expectations. For the co-worker on a campaign of terror, create physical and psychological buffers.
If a colleague is being a jerk to you, it is likely that they are being a jerk to other people as well. West suggests that you develop a broad network within your organization, not just friends, but contacts with social capital who could help identify troublemakers. Who can reach the CEO?
West is the only faculty member who invites the IT department to his Christmas parties. What are you talking about? They are the most socially savvy people here.
West has been a professor at NYU for seven years. At the end of our conversation, I asked if she had any problems at work, half expecting the answer to be no.
She says yes.
I asked if it was still tough.
She says, "Of course." She says that it needs practice, just like any other skill.
There are seven types to look for. Are you one of them?
These are people who climb to the top by any means necessary. Good manners are reserved for bosses and people above them, as they are competitive with colleagues at their level.
They seem like friends, but they will betray your trust if your idea is good enough to steal.
Bulldozers take over the process of group decision-making and make bosses powerless to stop them. Don't mistake their behavior for leadership.
People who are experts at doing nothing and getting rewarded for it are free riders. They take on work that requires little effort.
Some micromanagers email you at all times of the day because they used to have your job and are having a hard time moving on.
Managers who follow a three-step process are neglectful bosses. You will live in a world of chronic uncertainty if you have a neglectful boss.
Gaslighters lie to get what they want.
The book Jerks at Work: Toxic Co-workers and What to do About Them was published by Ebury Edge.
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