My own traumatic birth experience led me to pursue a career in midwifery.
I almost ruined my career in 2004 when I attended a birth. I am still dealing with post traumatic stress disorder.
Lauren Crosby Medlicott was told the story of a midwife.
I became a midwife in 1999 because I decided that the degree I was pursuing in architecture was not what I wanted to do.
I knew I was meant to support mothers after the traumatic delivery of my daughter.
I spent most of my time on the labor ward, where I met women at their most vulnerable points and guided them through one of the most memorable experiences of their lives, after I qualified to work as a midwife. Birth is the most amazing thing in the world, and I found satisfaction in being a part of it.
In 2004, after five years of practicing, I had a home-birth experience that almost ruined the profession of midwifery for me. During the birth of my grandchild, it came back to haunt me. It showed me how hard the job is, and how much pressure you are under.
The birth that changed it all for me
One of my colleagues delivered a baby at a home in the community and called me to support her as a secondary midwife.
From the beginning, it was odd. The windows were all open. The husband was hostile towards me, and the mom didn't want us to help. I quietly tried to speak to her as she went into labor. Even though I continued to insist, she didn't make any eye contact, talk to me or use the handheld Doppler to check on the baby.
There is a reduction in oxygen in the body when a woman is contracting strongly. The whole point of a home birth is to catch any abnormality early on, and most babies can do that. I was told by the mom to get away from her.
As the baby was about to be born, she allowed me to listen for the heart rate. It was very low. We prepared equipment to resuscitate the baby before we knew it. My colleague had to perform an Episiotomy on the mom to get the baby out.
The baby was white and floppy. I began cardiopulmonary resuscitation, trying to get his heart rate up to 40 beats per minute. I looked at the blood, the cold, and the shaking hands after the paramedics took the baby to the hospital. It was imprinted on my mind.
The baby died three days later.
I treated my PTSD by attending more home births
I treated the post-traumatic stress disorder that was caused by the event. According to the American Psychological Association, exposure to trauma can be used to treat Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder instead of avoiding it.
Instead of running away from home births, I requested to continue doing them, but only in an observational capacity, so that I could remember that positive home-birth experiences do happen.
The night still haunted me with slow motion flashbacks, which were triggered by nothing in particular. I still have moments of panic when I think of all the things that could have been different.
My daughter had a home birth and requested that I be there to support her as a mother. I waited in the living room while my daughter labored, and the midwife came to speak to me.
She told me that the baby was going to be born quickly and that the heart rate was low.
My grandson was dead when he was born. He needed to be resuscitated. When we didn't know what was going to happen, the case from a long time ago came back and scared me. My grandson was okay.
I am no longer a clinical midwife. I teach the next generation of midwives. I could not abandon the profession despite the horrible experience of post-traumatic stress disorder. The miracle of life is addictive.
The midwife has kept her identity a secret for the sake of her patients.
The original article can be found on Insider.
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