When you use correct pronouns, you show them a basic level of respect. Many well-intentioned people find themselves confused or intimidated by the terrain of different gender identities when speaking to someone they aren't particularly close with.
You don't want to assume someone's pronouns based on appearances, but maybe you are still hesitant to ask. If it seems like you're singling them out or trying to be respectful, what should you do?
If you don't know how to use people's pronouns, here are some reminders to be respectful.
pronouns are nothing new, bear with me. They have always been used in place of someone's name when referring to someone in the third person. They carry with them an implied gender. The fact that he andshe are not always accurate to how an individual actually identifies has become more relevant.
One-third of teens and people in their early 20s know someone who uses a different pronoun than they do. People can feel different genders at different times. It may take some getting used to, but pronouns are an important part of our identity.
Sally Goldner tells ABC Australia that the first form of discrimination and prejudice is denial that a group or person exists in relation to trans and gender diverse people.
It is important to use someone's correct pronouns. It won't be incorrect.
If you want someone to tell you their pronouns, you can say your own. People usually reciprocate the opening. The act of saying your pronouns helps make it clear that we shouldn't all be making assumptions based on appearances.
If you run meetings at work, you should share your pronouns at the beginning of every meeting with people who meet regularly. If they are genderfluid, pronouns can change for them. It is helpful to have a recurring space for people to share and address each other.
If someone doesn't know the gender of the person they are talking about, gender neutral pronouns are useful. I need to know what their job is again.
When you don't know how they identify, try to make the singular "they/them/ theirs" your default pronoun.
It's acceptable and likely appreciated to ask, "What are your pronouns?" or "Which pronouns do you use?" When asking for someone's pronouns, try to avoid using the word preferred.
This only enforces the idea that other people are a man or woman because of how they look. It's important to have an open mind with everyone you meet, no matter what you think about their gender.
If someone tells you what pronouns they use, don't ignore them.
We are all going to slip up from time to time as gender identity keeps breaking out of pre-assigned boxes. If you're worried about the backlash of offending someone, give them some credit. If you are trying to overcome the learning curve of getting misgendered, chances are they will be patient and understanding. They will appreciate the fact that you are going out of your way to be respectful.
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