My best friend and I used to call out looking for trouble. We weren't hoping for a punch-up or a little light robbery, but a random adventure involving music, strangers or just the city at night. For many millions of us, all that spur-of-the-moment fun has been taken away by the Pandemic. The first thing to happen was the social distance and the cautious reopening when a trip to the pub or an art gallery had to be booked weeks in advance. When the world seemed to be getting back to normal, Omicron came wielding its sledgehammer, crushing all those dreams of nights out, holidays and rowdy parties. After two years of self-restraint, it is hard to summon up the enthusiasm to do anything off the cuff.
That is quite a loss. In 2016 researchers from two US universities found that people enjoyed activities more when they were impromptu. The authors wrote that scheduling a coffee break or a movie made them feel less free-flowing and more work-like. 200 years ago, Jane Austen said, "Why not seize the pleasure at once?"
Edward Slingerland is a philosophy professor at the University of British Columbia and the author of Trying Not to Try. It is hard to get into a rhythm when you can't see the other person's face. Our in-person interactions have been drained of the subtle facial clues that we normally use to tell if the other person is enjoying themselves or if a comment is landing the right way. It renders those precious interactions with strangers so much harder when they are out in the world. Video calls are notducive. You are not in the same room. It's hard for people to know when you're done talking when it's OK for me to start. It is impossible to relax into natural, positive social interactions.
The good news is that you can work at being more free thinker. The problem was looked at by ancient Chinese thinkers. It involved things like ritual activities, meditation, breathing practices or just trying to trick your mind into forgetting that you are trying to be spontaneously. He explains that if you put your mind to the problem directly, it will cause the part of the brain you need to shut down to be activated. The key is relaxation.
Slingerland isn't suggesting we start doing Confucian rituals, but he does say that there is a very similar function served by doing things like weeding the garden or going for a walk. The Chinese word for state is wuwei. He says it is a "effortless actions". You lose a sense of yourself as an agent, and you get absorbed in what you are doing. There are obvious comparisons with this sort of state, and some modern thinkers might equate it with flow. You get absorbed in something bigger than yourself when you look at the sunlight on trees and hear birds. It allows you to relax.
Disruptions can help free the mind. Leon Edler is an artist for The Guardian.
This isn't just about partying. Linda Blair is a clinical psychologist and writer. Change is necessary for progress. Spontaneity makes us happy. A group of Austrian and Italian researchers found that people with less spontaneity in their lives experienced more psychological suffering.
Blair says that the best way to move forward is to turn things on their head and say: "There is no other way to be right now." It is time to seize the day and move with your heart or gut. Blair asked, "Do you want to go to your favourite restaurant?" Don't plan it, go there today.
Disruption can help to free the mind. Think about what you feel like for breakfast today, and switch off your mental autopilot. She says that another starter is having a backwards day. It is a lot of fun with kids. Start your day with dinner, anything that shakes up the triggers that keep us doing the same things.
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It's time to stop being happy.
Why it's time to stop pursuing happiness.
Triggers keep us acting. The cookie jar makes us think we are hungry. The phone ping causes us to be stuck in a rabbit hole for 45 minutes. Triggers are not friends. Blair says to write down all your thoughts in the morning before you do anything else. The Morning Pages was created by the writer Julia Cameron, who used it as part of her Artist's Way method of unblocking creativity. Blair says the best way to be free is to clear out the rubbish. You get up in the morning and you write whatever you want, even if it's a question of "Why am I doing this?" Blair says you can still benefit from just writing until you run out or for five minutes.
Time pressures shouldn't stop you. Blair says that one person she knows gets up at four o'clock to do it so that the kids don't bother her. It's important to have your own time, and to look at what comes out as potential to do things in a new way. Blair says that this will boost your propensity for spontaneity for the rest of the day. It awakens you, so for example, you have a dream in which you write down your memories of seeing someone, but you haven't been in touch with them for a long time. You can now call or email them.
Acceptance and commitment therapy is one of the therapies that Joe Oliver is a clinical psychologist who specializes in. He says that many of his clients have a sense of weakness because of the lack of fun that is available to them. It comes from being allowed to take things in unexpected directions and not thinking too much about it.
He says that one of the barriers is people wanting to stay in their comfort zones, where it is safe, predictable, ordered and people know how things are going to go. When we need to keep safe, the comfort zone can be useful, but there is a danger of talking ourselves out of adventure. Oliver says that over thinking is a classic. It is going to be terrible, it is not going to work out, it is going to have bad consequences, and you won't be safe. When people get caught up in those thoughts, they retreat into their comfort zone. They ruminate a lot.
Oliver says that part of the problem is living in the past or the future and thinking about the times it hasn't worked. Understanding that this is happening is the first step to recovering. He reminds clients that there is good evidence that supports wellbeing and mental health.
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Is there a secret to happiness? Get better at feeling sad.
The secret to happiness is to get better at feeling sad.
Next time you are in a position to do something, he suggests telling yourself that you are doing it because it is good for you. I like it. It is enjoyable. Let's see what happens after this initial anxiety is over. Oliver says that it doesn't have to be a full-on meditative practice. Take 10 seconds to notice your breath, roll your shoulders back, and then come down into your body.
Don't argue with the limiting thoughts that tell you we can't draw in the rain. If you challenge the thoughts, it can create a tussle and give those thoughts more power. Try to think of those thoughts again, or even thank them for their feedback, because they are only trying to keep us safe.
Oliver has other tricks, including taking turns with a friend or partner to suggest new things to do. I have a favourite pub but my partner often wants to go somewhere else. Sometimes we say to the other: "OK, you decide." Sometimes we come up with a few pubs and flip a coin. There is no way of knowing which option will result in the most fun on any given day.
Blair says that Daniel Gilbert at Harvard has shown us so well. We think it will be better than it is. We don't know what the past was like. We are hard on ourselves and critical of what happened. You can be happy right now. She says her patients tell her about recurring pain that keeps them up at night. When she asks how it is, they say, "What, the pain?" It is not too bad. Again with living in the future and the past. Blair says things are usually OK coming to the now. Here, Austen repeats: "Seize the pleasure at once."
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