Bow down before this $310,000 massage mega-robot, human

There is a new candidate for robot most likely to lead the ai uprising and it wants to give you a massage.

A startup called Massage Robotics is launching its flagship robot at a cost of $310,000, which is powered by a neural network of other robot with which it exchanges data in real time.
It seems that it has a bunch of things on its arms to help people who can't afford to pay for a robot massage, or at least people who want to go somewhere they can pay for a robot massage. You can use the data the robot has gathered about what feels good to let it get the hang of it. It learns what you like when you give it feedback.
The company says that the robot is "intrinsically safe" because of its mass, speed, and software limits. It sounds like it's more equipped to dominate the human race and remake Earth in its own titanium image.

The massage robot could use its two 6-axis collaborative robotic arms and sophisticated equations that process parameters from a database to really get into the knots in your back. It could force us all to acquiesce to its will.

The promotional video for the robot says that it can relieve stress and pain. Please relieve us of the pain of our agency and corporeal power by making us servants of the robot future, lord masseuse-bot.

The company says it will make the robot in 2022. It says it received funding from the internet giant. Cool, so happy that one of the world's most powerful corporations is helping to power this robot that is only going to give out massages!

Accept the peaceful world our robot friends want to give us. Credit: massage robot

Massage Robotics promises that it will make you love your masseuse. It really gets to know you.

The company says that it appears to move like a human, sense like a human, and talk like a human, but it is not apparent that it has a super memory. The robot can recognize patterns in profiles and preferences, with an unimaginable amount of sensory data, from an unlimited number of connected robots.

We always wanted a big and strong servant robot that could communicate and work with other enslaved robots just like it. What could go wrong?