The scream-therapy campaign that Zo Aston created for the Icelandic tourism board hit the headlines in the summer of 2020. Visitors were invited to record a scream and then blasted out for them in the wilderness on a website called Looks Like You Need Iceland. When you are ready, come let it out for real. We promise that you will feel better. I am not familiar with the scream-readiness of all of this.
I am famous in my family for not shouting when I drop a glass or cut myself. The louder I get, the bigger the mess. The quieter I get, the angrier I get. I have never yelled or screamed. I thought that this might be a problem. What if I had to yell one day? If someone needed the kind of attention a scream is designed to attract, what would it be?
The psychologist Art Janov wrote a book called The Primal Scream. This is partly due to the cover art, which features a bald figure with a cleft cranium, out of which a red mouth is visible, and it makes me cringe. I don't want to be like that. Or something else. Or rage. The problem is the audible how-to.
Part of me wonders if my fear of yelling isn't self-generated and redundant, as I am keen to step out of my comfort zone and start yelling. Fight or flight is an uncontrollable reaction to a threat, so surely I will scream if I need to, whether I think I can or not.
He is not sure. She says that research shows that when faced with a perceived threat, you might not scream. Learned behaviors come into it too. If you have always been the quiet one, that is where you will get your sense of safety. Taking up more energetic space might feel unsafe.
She suggests that I try louder singing or positive affirmations to get rid of the association of loud and bad. She says, "I love you or I am enough." It's about telling yourself that loud doesn't mean anger or danger, it can be a useful tool. Shahanara knows she can scream. She says yes. She tells me how she would get on a train to Farthing Downs in the country for a period of intense work. Would you take the train to scream in a field? I'm confused. I asked if she would go with me, and I heard the rain fall on my jacket hood, and I couldn't believe it. I live for the quiet. I brought along my field recorder and mic, hoping that viewing the expedition as an artwork will take the edge off, but they are firmly stashed in my rucksack. Shahanara can go from quiet to a full-body scream and back again. I find the courage to try it myself when there is nothing terrible to happen as a result of this bellowing.
I start naming things loudly. That tree. There are clouds. That tree! It is the loudest I have ever heard my voice and, for a soaking wet Monday afternoon, it is not too shabby.
The first song that comes to mind when I think of energy is the one that feels like fire, the one that consistently gives me the most energy, the one that feels like fire, the one that I smash my face into a cushion and yell. Ha. I have more range than I thought. I feel like a parrot under a blanket because it comes out more high screech than scream. I still can't imagine doing it without the cushion, but I have to tell you, since then I've approached deadlines with a new sense of possibility.
