The discussions don't make sense. To win them, you have to understand people. We've put together a few points from various scientific investigations so that you know how to win a fight.
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1. Be courteous. Fights are not rational according to your debating teacher. No matter how ridiculous it is, respect the other person's perspective. Peter Ditto, a political psychologist, says that people tend to be more receptive to information that challenges their beliefs when they have their value affirmed. You can think logically when you make that emotional connection.
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2. Don't try to win the fight. Attacking someone's ideas can make you go or fight. There will be nothing to convince them when they are on the precipice. If you want to put them on your side, you should practice extreme agreement, even if it sounds crazy.
3. Don't ask how. In a study done by a psychologist, people with extreme political views were divided into two groups: those who had to explain why they were right and those who had to explain why their ideals could be changed. The result? The former had the same confidence in their ideas as the latter.
4. Follow up. Ed Catmull was friends with Steve Jobs for 26 years. They had fights. He used the following method to avoid strong lawsuits with Jobs.
I would say something to him and he would reject me because he was thinking faster than me. I would wait a week to call him, I would give him my opinion on what he had said, and I would reject it. I was waiting for another week, but sometimes it lasted for months.
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Jobs admitted that Catmull was okay, Catmul realized that Jobs was okay, and Jobs did not respond to Catmull.
5. Ask questions that are open-ended. If you're having an argument with your spouse, psychologist John Gottman says you should ask questions to allow them to open up. For example:
If you had all the money in the world, what would you do? How do you want your life to end?
Do you enjoy your job?
It works for discussions at work. Competitive interactions can be transformed into co-ops with open questions.
6. Be confident. People don't listen to the smartest person in the room. A study shows that people act like they know everything.
7. Use graphs. People trust scientists according to a study by Asner Tal and Crian Wansink. Doing things that make you look like a scientist makes you look more trustworthy.
8. Show that other people agree. Robert Cialdini is a psychologist and he says that social proof is the fastest way to see things. We assume that other people are doing the right thing in the situation. The food inside the restaurant is more tempting because of the long lines in front of it.
9. Go beyond the stories. An anecdote is a story about how your uncle or friend stays thin by eating a lot of butter. If you want to be taken seriously, you need to use data.
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See for consensus. Scientists resort to this in order to win arguments. Scientific consensus is a collection of opinions from all scientists. If the majority agreed, that means there is enough evidence to support the idea that it is guaranteed.
