We usually limit ourselves to family and friends when we want to connect with others. Most of us would think opening up to a stranger would be hard, but it looks like our expectations may not be realistic.
People thought that deep conversations with strangers would be more awkward and less fulfilling than they actually were, according to new research.
A series of experiments that measured people's expectations and outcomes from a range of deep and superficial conversations with strangers and known friends was conducted by over 1,800 participants.
Participants in the first set of experiments reported how they felt after having a conversation. They reported how they felt after the talk.
The researchers compared expectation with experience. The researchers gave vulnerable questions like, "Can you describe a time you cried in front of another person?"
Participants were likely to underestimate their own interest in listening to a stranger and how interested their partner would be in their own answers, from the first set of experiments. The participants felt more connected and happier than they thought, and awkwardness wasn't as present as they thought.
Experiments compared shallow conversations with deeper conversations, while also comparing conversations between friends and family with strangers.
For deeper conversations with close friends or family, participants' expectations were more accurate.
Researchers wanted to see if people's expectations of interest and care would make them less likely to have meaningful conversations with strangers, and if people's expectations of friendship would make them less likely to have meaningful conversations with strangers.
The authors of the paper tested whether people underestimate others' care and concern in deep conversations.
The authors theorize that a person's miscalibrated expectations about the sociality of others may act as a psychological barrier to having deeper conversations with strangers.
People's general wellbeing is connected to their social relationships. We have strong desires to make and maintain strong relationships.
Through intimate and vulnerable conversations, we often achieve such relationships. The participants in the study wanted to have more deep interactions in their daily lives than they currently have.
Why don't people have deeper conversations with others?
The authors suggest that underestimating the social nature of others could help explain why conversations in daily life are more shallow than people would prefer.
The researchers believe that the findings can be generalized to contexts that are familiar to us.
In the United States and the UK, previous research shows that people may underestimate strangers' willingness to engage in conversation.
Experiments may provide a more conservative test of whether people underestimate the value of deep conversations.
The authors wonder how these effects may vary across cultures, with different cultures having differing views on their openness to strangers and how some may prioritize in-group relations.
When you share a space with a stranger for a long time, ask them about their lives and try not to use your default weather commentary. Maybe you will make a new friend.
The study was published in a journal.
