My mother opened a bottle with tiny blue letters on it and sprayed it on her wrist, thanking my cousin's husband for the new perfume. He explained that it was actually a cleaning solution for glasses. The gift made sense because he was an orthodontist.
A cousin received a travel mug that was already her property, but it was accidentally left at the home of the gift giver and wrapped up at the last minute.
My dad presented my husband with a bottle of lysol, which was just a very strange choice, because he had a hunch that the world was about to end. My mom bought my dad a Friends game because he loves the show.
My family is challenged when it comes to holiday presents. I know we are not alone. Gifts are hard to receive. There is a person who is in agony because she has forgiven her abusive parents, but not enough to buy for them. There is a woman who cannot afford gifts for her husband. There is a twentysomething who is mad because she makes a detailed wish list and people still buy her whatever she wants, and a letter writer who can't figure out how to get her mother-in-law to stop giving her gifts.
My mom bought my dad a Friends game because he loves it.
Anyone can see how ridiculous this is. I propose that we end it this year. By all means, keep giving children presents. They don't have jobs. They can't buy their own stuff. They like almost everything, and like the box too. They won't be stressed out about it. I believe that adults with any level of anxiety should just stop exchanging presents.
My family has tried to change tradition before. My mom tried to implement a no-gifts rule for our extended family. It flopped. One aunt ignored the new plan because she was excited to give another aunt a weight-loss book. Someone brought a bag of potato chips when I tried to lower expectations by suggesting a white elephant tradition with two simple guidelines. Not a violation of the rules, but not quite in the spirit of the event either.
This holiday season is even more complicated than most and it feels like it's time to reup the effort. I bought my mom a cashmere sweatsuit as a Christmas gift because of the supply chain panic. I asked her to inspect it and make sure it fit because I realized it would be too late for her to return it if I waited until Christmas. I told her to keep it because she didn't want to take it off. I have to figure out what to give her on the actual holiday.
Imagine holidays without the financial anxiety of buying for a long list of relatives, the worry that the gift you give someone won't be equivalent in value to the one you receive, the pressure to come up with ideas for those who can't figure out how to shop for you, and Imagine if we all just got together to eat and stop spending so much money and energy on rituals that don't really help us.
If you have to give something, make sure it is simple and warm, not the result of the detective work of figuring out what other adults with their own credit cards would have bought for themselves. A baked good or coffee mug is fine. Nobody over 18 should be shopping for shoes or electronics.
You can save money and buy yourself something nice in the new year. Put it in an envelope for a charity. If you have had enough, now is a good time to tell your family that you will no longer be giving gifts for Christmas in 2022. That may be the best gift you can give them.
