There is no shortage of parenting styles. Positive parenting is one of the most effective methods I have ever used, and it is my favorite.
Positive parenting is an approach that uses techniques such as praise and firm compassion instead of shouting, hostility, and shaming, and it is different from authoritarian parenting, which places high expectations on children with little responsiveness.
Studies have found that when parents yell or nagging, they end up feeling angry and guilty. The kids may feel frustrated and angry too.
The cycle is likely to repeat after very little changes.
Positive parenting is not a new framework. Positive psychology took off in the 1990s when influential American psychologist Martin Seligman popularized the field.
Positive parenting doesn't use harsh punishment to correct problematic behavior. They fulfill their kids emotional needs through positive interactions.
I have seen it help prevent bad behavior from happening in the first place.
Positive parenting has key characteristics.
CNBC made it with Amy McCready.
Caley Arzamarski, a psychologist specializing in child therapy, believes that positive parenting encourages parents to give more positive feedback to their children, instead of focusing on bad behavior.
Some parents worry that positive parenting is too fluffy, arguing that children won't learn to interpret and react to negative emotions if parents don't help them to see it.
Positive parenting can give children the tools needed to make good choices and promote confidence, according to psychologists. It nurtures their self-esteem, creativity, belief in the future and ability to get along with others.
No parent is perfect. A psychologist at Kent State University who studies the importance of emotions acknowledges that projecting positive vibes is not realistic.
She says that at some point you will have to express your concerns. And that is also okay.
Spending time with your kids and modeling good behavior is the best way to help them develop self-confidence and healthy relationships.
Positive attention and emotional connection are what kids are hardwired to need. When they don't receive it, they seek it out in a negative way, and parents are faced with power struggles.
It takes 10 to 15 minutes of individual time a day to see improvements. It will help you create a deeper and more meaningful relationship if you delight in moments of connection.
2. Rules for when and then.
Positive parenting involves setting clear expectations. The "when-then" method can be used to encourage better behavior during the most challenging times of your child's day.
Explain to your kid that when the yucky part of a task is done, the more enjoyable things can happen. If there is enough time before the bus arrives, they can use their iPad or play outside after brushing their teeth, getting dressed, and eating breakfast.
If you stick to this practice, your kids will be able to do it on their own. No need for nagging.
3. Say no to rewards.
Studies have shown that kids who are rewarded often are less interested in the activity they are rewarded for. They become more interested in the rewards, meaning you may have to up keep up the rewards to maintain the same quality of behavior.
Words are a better way to encourage kids. Phrases such as "You're the best player on the team!" or "You're so smart!" are not good for their character or personality.
Praise the specific act. If your kid shows concern for someone who seems sad, point out what they did right and ask if your friend is okay. The other person may have appreciated the kind gesture.
4. Say yes to the consequences.
Natural consequences can turn poor choices into learning opportunities when a child starts acting up.
Make sure that is the case.
The consequence is respectful.
The child is capable of making a decision.
The consequence is introduced in advance so it feels less of a punishment.
Explain to your child that if they don't wear rain boots on a rainy morning, their socks will get soaked and their feet will feel wet all day.
This allows your child to make their own decision about whether or not to wear boots.
5. What you can control is what you should focus on.
You can control your child's behavior, but not always. This mindset can help kids take on responsibilities that you wouldn't have told them about.
You can say, for example, that I will add a fun snack to your school lunch if your lunch has been emptied and cleaned. Help them remember their responsibility and follow through by showing them how to make a Sticky Note or a spot in the kitchen for their lunch.
Positive parenting involves building respectful relationships with clear expectations. Kids who feel a strong connection to their parents are more likely to behave in a responsible manner.
Amy is the author of two books, "If I Have to Tell You One More Time: The Revolutionary Program That Gets Your Kids To Listen Without Nagging, Reminding or Yelling" and "The Me, Me, Me."
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