With the new year here, there was a big night for drinking. Most of the holidays come with a lot of them, from Thanksgiving to Secret Santa exchanges to New Years Eve, and there are often opportunities to gather and make merry with a lot of alcohol.
It can be a difficult time if you are sober or trying to limit your alcohol intake. Increased pressure to drink can make a non-drinking guest uneasy. According to the Washington Post, 30% of Americans don't drink. In the spirit of respecting people's choices, privacy, and comfort, here are some things not to say when someone declines an adult beverage.
Why not?
It is normal to be curious about people's life choices, but that doesn't mean we can question them with impunity. It is a highly personal inquiry that will make a non-drinker feel like they have to share their personal information. The other alternative is lie. It could be for a variety of reasons. Unless they volunteer to offer them on their own, none of that is anyone's business.
Are you sure?
When my children ask me the same thing multiple times, I say, "I have already answered that question." If you have to ask if someone is sure, they should already have said no.
Just one!
This person may have wrestled with the decision to come to this shindig, knowing there would be alcohol and people trying to foist it on them. This line is annoying to the public and could lead to a dangerous relapse for someone in recovery.
You are no fun.
Can you imagine going to a party, minding your business, trying to have fun, and someone says you are boring because you are not drinking? Don't follow this line, along with "loosen up" and "you're missing out" They could have the most interesting background in the room. We can't handle them not going down a rabbit hole of drinks with us so let's not ruin anyone else's vibe.
Are you pregnant?
Rule number one about women's bodies is don't casually ask what's going on inside. Unless they are a good friend. But a co-worker? She isn't ready to make it public yet, but maybe she is. Maybe she is struggling. Maybe she doesn't want to become pregnant. How did we get here again? Asking an inappropriate, intrusive question because someone refuses a drink is a crime. Let's not.
Wow. It's crazy.
The crazy thing is how casually we have come to regard the harms of alcohol. It is more acceptable to tell a story about being drunk than it is to tell a story about not drinking. The decision not to drink is not crazy. It is often for mental or physical improvement.
Do you mind if I drink?
It is a weird question to ask someone at a social function centered around drinking. It puts more focus on their abstinence, and it implies that they care about your drinking. It is similar to going on a roller coaster and asking the person next to you, "Do you mind if I yell?" They don't. It is expected. Go ahead.
I couldn't do that.
Are you happy? No one is suggesting that you should. Not drinking is not a competition. You don't need to compare your decision to drink with their decision not to drink.
It was sweet! Can you take me home?
It doesn't mean that someone wants to be the default driver for the ride-sharing service. Let them enjoy the evening without being asked for favors.
What should you say next?
Social drinking is common in American culture, but it can be surprising when someone doesn't drink. It's never appropriate to corner them with judgmental statements.
If you are hosting, make sure to provide a selection of non-alcoholic beverages. Say, "Oh, can I get you something else?" when someone turns down a cocktail. Maybe soda or seltzer? They should be included like any other guest at the party.
