At eight years of age, I was first introduced to masturbation. It felt great to wrap my legs around each other, squeeze them together and feel good. I was scared to death when my mother said that it was masturbation. It felt wrong to me, so I quit. It wasn't until I was in my 20s that it felt like I wanted to try again.
It's normal to not masturbate until your 20s or later, especially if you have been taught to be ashamed of self-love. It's worth it to learn how to be comfortable with yourself. Masturbation is for you if you are ready.
How to get rid of the shame
Masturbation is not a time when you have to start at a certain age. Erica Smith, a sex teacher who specializes is purity culture and "late bloomers", has found that masturbation is more common in boys than in girls. Smith says, "I've worked with clients who were raised in conservative religious environments and didn't know that masturbation was possible for women and girls."
Why is there such a gap? Moore blamed social pressures and stigma around female sexuality. These create barriers that prevent women from speaking out and participating in solo sexual adventures.
Also, I thought it was strange that I masturbated as a girl. When I realized it wasn't unusual to masturbate, I was able to shake off the shame. The shame will slowly disappear once you allow yourself to do it, because you don't have to ask anyone else. You can also let go of the shame by practicing more and getting used to touching your own skin.
How to masturbate when your ready
There's no need for fancy when you begin masturbating. Our fingers are the best tools for masturbation. This is how we can learn speed and pressure as well as depth," Edwina Caito (head writer, podcast host, and video host at Bedbible.com) says.
Lube is a good choice, regardless of whether you're using sex toys or your fingers. Water-based lubricants have the best results for me. They are easy to clean and can be used with toys or fingers. The Organic Glide Natural Water Based Personal Lubricant is $12 and the K-Y Ultragel Premium Water Based Lube is $5. It may take some time to determine which type of lube is best for you. It doesn't matter if it is silicone-based, or powder -- it all depends on your preferences!
Wash your hands before you apply the lube. This is especially important if you are masturbating with a partner. Sexual Health Scotland, a government program for public health, states that it is important to wash your hands with soap after touching your genitals or mouth, especially if you have been masturbating with a partner.
Once you feel comfortable with your fingers, you can move on to sex toys. Caito suggests "a mini vibrator or silicone bullet for beginners who love clitoral stimulation." These are small, discreet, portable, and easy to conceal. A pocket device is a great beginner toy for penises. You simply slide your penis into it. These devices provide friction and help you to get into a rhythm. It is actually a wonderful tool for beginners once you can get past the "pocket-pussy" nickname.
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Masturbation can be very personal. The key to success is to go at your own pace. Put on clothes if you like. You can also go completely naked if you wish. Setting the mood for your environment can be as simple or complex as you like. Because I feel more awake at night, I prefer to use candles and turn off the lights. Look within and discover what makes you happy before you start doing the deed. These elements can then be incorporated into your space. This is your personal event.
What are the advantages of masturbating
If you are still unsure about the benefits of masturbation Dr. Robin Buckley has a Ph.D. In clinical psychology. She noted that it helps you understand what sexual practices work best for you when you're by yourself. And you can also benefit from knowing what you like when you have a partner. Masturbation can help people with vaginal problems, and that is another hurdle they need to overcome. Buckley added that orgasms can also be a great way to relieve stress. Masturbation should therefore become part of a woman’s self-care toolkit.
Masturbation can be discussed in a way that we all can destigmatize.
Liz Klinger, CEO and co-founder at smart vibrator company Lioness said that it is important to have these conversations as part of our education system. I believe that more comprehensive sex education (including discussions on masturbation pleasure and consent) can help people understand that masturbation can offer a great way to explore sexually, learn more about yourself and discover what you like. Masturbation can also help us redefine sex. It's not just penis-in vagina intercourse for heterosexual couples. All aspects of a sexual journey include kissing, cuddling, foreplay, and everything in between.
After being shamed by my eight-year-old self, I was already adamant about trying masturbation again. In my 20s, I was stressing about the small things. I worried about the environment, the temperature and whether my fingers would freeze. I was concerned about my speed, and if my fingers weren't clean enough even though I had scrubbed them for five minutes. It felt like I spent hours trying to decide between a vibrator and my hands. Then, I gave up when I couldn’t find the right mood.
It was only after I was alone at night in my studio apartment that the rain started to fall. Candles were lit around the room. I let my mind drift to the soft music as I listened. I let my mind wander and realized that there was no clock nor a quota to follow. I was able to enjoy the evening by myself and let my fingers glide down. It was heaven!
Finally, I felt that I didn't need to find a partner to satisfy me sexually. I could do it myself. I had never felt better after that experience.