Here's a way to get people to forget your 4-4-5 record.
Just before 7:00 p.m. on Nov. 1, a Twitter user named Tom Campbell tweeted this: ET: This was tweeted by Tom Campbell, a Twitter user.
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This narrative is a compilation of tweets about the #MonkeyGate incident.
Steve Sarkisian, the Texas Longhorns' first-year head coach, hired Jeff Banks as a tight ends and special teams coach and coordinator earlier this year. Banks is the most highly paid coach in the country with a salary of over $1 million. Three of his children are from a previous marriage. He is currently in a relationship Dani Banks (not clear if she is his girlfriend or wife), an exotic dancer known as Pole Assassin.
Campbell replied to his tweet with a screenshot from Danielle Banks, inviting Austin neighbors to visit her haunted house and maze she built.
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Campbell's initial tweet became popular and more details began to emerge. CFB Twitter mobilized to investigate the matter. Dani Banks pet monkey Gia, who is also part of her act, was on the Jerry Springer Show in 2017. Dani Banks Instagram account @poleassassin_ lists her last name Thomas. The monkey has an Instagram account that has over 8 000 followers.
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Banks/Thomas/Pole Assassin took to Twitter to confirm the story, and to blame the child who was bitten at her house in a move almost certain not to be approved by the Longhorns legal teams. Although her account was deleted within the last 12 hours, it is likely that she did so after the story broke. However, anyone who has grown up in the Internet age knows that screenshots can be viewed forever.
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Although the coach has not yet spoken out, Dani Banks/Thomas used Twitter to defend herself. She initially denied the whole story and dismissed it as a liar, but then clarified that the child had been bit, though objecting to the vicious use of the term.
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Dani Banks answered that the monkey had been vaccinated. She also said that it was an emotional support animal. She tweeted, "A 11/12 year old child should not be allowed to enter another's yard without permission. And they must also adhere to the rules." The rules stated that once you get to the gate, turn around and return for candy. Every other parent and child followed these guidelines!
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Although one could argue that the Gate suffix is overused for all scandals since the 1970s it is actually quite appropriate in this instance. A video shared by the haunted host on Twitter showing the location of the monkey in comparison to the main event (which was to be fair, quite far away) shows how the two were related.
This quickly became one of those nights where everyone suddenly becomes a professional comedian on Twitter, with the hope that both child and animal will be relatively unscathed. With Pole Assassin and #MonkeyGate still trending this morning, Monday Night Football was an afterthought compared to Monday Night Texas football-Halloween-stripper-monkey bite drama.
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Banks and Texas have not made any official statements. The poor PR person who is handling this one has probably been caught off guard. This one is unlikely to be covered in any of the handbooks.
