Siya Kolisi, South Africa captain
It was more than hunger; it was painful in the stomach. My intestines would twist in the middle of the night.
Siya Kolisi, South Africa's Rugby World Cup winning captain, is one of the most well-known athletes in the world.
His millions of fans might not be aware of the journey he underwent to reach the pinnacle in his sport. And how he continues "fighting battles" today.
The Springboks' first black Captain was born in Zwide, Port Elizabeth. He experienced violence and hunger as a child.
He was awarded a scholarship to a school of white rugby and he began to develop his skills on the pitch. Opportunities opened up for him.
Kolisi, now after Rise was published, spoke with Dan Roan, BBC sports editor for The Sports Desk podcast. He explained that he wants to be remembered for more than just his sporting accomplishments.
Kolisi shared these details in a lengthy interview.
His white wife was subject to "horrible," social media abuses
He admires Lewis Hamilton's efforts to change the world, and says that he loves the "stuff he does off-the-track stuff is what I love most".
His struggle with alcohol led him to say, "I want people know that I am a sinner."
He was touched by Naomi Osaka’s honesty about mental health
He was in survival mode because of the poverty he suffered as a child.
South Africa's 2019 World Cup win has had a profound impact
Kolisi, childhood
Kolisi, speaking to BBC Sport in Durban from the home of his family, Kolisi describes vividly the childhood hunger he experienced.
He says, "It was more than being hungry. It was actually painful in the stomach."
"I could feel my stomach twisting in middle of the night. My grandmother would bring me sugar water, and I would scream at her.
Resilience is a key component of many of my values. My community members are proud, happy and resilient despite being financially poor.
"They didn't like it when I dropped off food parcels. They are willing to work hard for what they have. This is what taught me to never complain.
"If I was told I couldn't do it, I would continue to work until I did it."
When I was young, I lived in survival mode. Now I want to help people realize that no matter what the circumstances, they can achieve whatever they desire.
Kolisi is now a campaigner against gender-based violence. This was another issue that scarred him as a child.
He says, "At home like right next me while I was asleep, I'd wake to the screaming of my aunt or mum."
"Or, I would be walking to school and see someone being beaten in the street. No one did anything because they felt it was not their business.
"Men don’t talk about it, but they are the problem. This is not a protest by men. Men aren't asking for government change. While there are some men who do protest, it is always the women who protest.
"I couldn’t make a difference to my aunt or my mum. Now I have a voice. Because I want to see change, I want to be part of that change.
"We have the power to influence many people. People will listen when politicians don't listen. I don't want my children to have to fight with what I have.
"The sport isn't who we are. It's what do we do." Because you never know who you might be saving, you have to speak up.
"We received a lot hate at the beginning of our relationship" - social media abuse
Siya Kolisi and Rachel, their children - photographed in 2018
Kolisi claims that he and Rachel, a white woman, were the victims of racist abuse.
Kolisi recalls that they endured "a lot hate" in their first relationship. Kolisi also recalls insults about Kolisi's wife for "wasting good genes to marry me".
He said, "That stuff hurts." She took it very seriously. This stuff needs to be addressed. Some people say that you should accept the good and the ugly. I'd rather not have any of them.
"There are some things you just can't handle. That kind of hate is unacceptable. All people have the right to their opinions, but they can also keep them to themselves. Everyone should be more assertive. Every day we work hard. It's not possible to win everything every time.
"To have someone swear at your family and you because of your skin color... It happened in the Euros final, when England lost to Italy. Racially abused players online. It was inevitable. People don't get surprised anymore. They celebrate when you do well.
"The social media platforms should protect athletes and cut off people. No one can say such things to people who do a terrible job at work.
Kolisi, like many athletes, publicly supported the Black Lives Matter movement in 2020 after the murder of George Floyd in Minneapolis.
He says, "Some people don't get it." They don't like the movement.
"I shared my story to help people understand. Let's make sure everyone has a fair chance. Growing up, I felt like my life was irrelevant. You think only about survival, not about living a happy life.
"I understand the message that I wanted to convey and those who heard me understood it, and that's all that matters."
"We are not robots" - A discussion on mental health in athletes
As South Africa's captain, Kolisi wins the 2019 Rugby World Cup.
Kolisi is encouraged by the willingness of sports stars to talk about their mental health. This includes Naomi Osaka, a tennis player who pulled out in May of the French Open to prioritize her mental well-being. Simone Biles, a US gymnast, withdrew in August and July from several events at the Tokyo Olympics for the same reason.
Kolisi says, "I took so many from Osaka." "It was her willingness to speak up and tell me that I wasn't OK '..., which made me feel okay about not feeling OK at times.
"To listen to someone you admire and someone you watch is what touches you.
"It feels so good to know it's right that I go through this type of thing.
"We are taught to not show any pain in the sport I play. We are taught that if you get hurt, you should just get up and continue moving forward. Sometimes you even take that literally.
"Even if you're not OK emotionally, personally. In my culture, men don’t cry. This is completely absurd. That's not the ultimate thing. We aren't robots.
Kolisi: "I'm a sinner" - Kolisi on his flaws
Kolisi, despite his fame and stature around the globe, is open to admitting that he is not perfect. He has used alcohol to cope with childhood traumas.
He said, "People view me as flawless." Some see me as a god. You don't share all your struggles on social media. We only post the good times. It's what my wife and I call the "highlights reel".
"But, I also have a responsibility not only to young people but to everyone. People my age are dealing with problems.
"They look at me and think: 'He is perfect. How do I get there when I'm having trouble with this? They don't realize that I'm fighting battles they wanted to show them [in Rise] that it's okay to seek help when you need it."
The Springboks captain praised his closest friends and family for their support in his fight with mental illness. He also encouraged others to seek help.
He says, "I had to get help with this stuff." "Don't let the thing kill you. Get help before it's too late.
"I want people know that I am a sinner, and that I was trying to improve each day. While I may never be 100% perfect, I'm still sufficient as I am.
"It's an everyday struggle" - Unity in South Africa
Kolisi was part of the South African team that defeated the British Lions and Irish Lions this year. He captained the Springboks to victory in the Rugby World Cup 2019, defeating England 32-12.
He says, "I cannot tell you if this has united people but it's made everyone happy." "We want to be as united as possible. Although it is a daily struggle, we can hope to get there some day. These moments are a source of hope for many people, and people can relate to each other.
How does he feel about the comparisons between this 2019 win and South Africa's Rugby World Cup victory on home soil in 1995 when Nelson Mandela was the country's first black president?
Kolisi says, "It's all in what you do with those moment."
"I can recall the night before the final, when my wife and me were sitting together thinking about ways we could help others."
Next month, South Africa's autumn internationals will see Kolisi lead the team. He will be facing England, an old foe, for the first time since the 2019 final. The Springboks will also face Wales and Scotland.
He said, "Every time we face England, it's always difficult." "We are looking forward to it, but we can't forget about Wales. We haven’t beaten Wales for a while and Scotland are doing well.
