Ricardo Pepi (18 years old) chose to represent the United States over Mexico in August. A few weeks later, he was a USMNT hero when he scored one goal and set-up two more to lead his team to victory over Honduras 4-1. Brent Humphreys, ESPN
Ricardo Pepi poses in the TUNNEL at Toyota Stadium during a photo shoot. It's a perfect morning. The late morning sun casts a shadow on a large portion of the grass. It looks as green and lush as it has ever been. It feels like the season is changing after another hot summer with the cool breeze blowing through the flags of Texas and the United States.
Ricardo is told by the photographer, "Do something with you hands." The sound of the camera and his voice echo through the tunnel.
Ricardo extends his long arms out to his side. With his fingers extended, Ricardo holds his palms up to the sky, with his fingers nearly outstretched. He raises his chin and looks straight into the camera.
"The Zen pose" is what Ricardo calls any action he's taking.
The photographer said, "You are a natural."
Ricardo smiles with the confidence of a rare teenager.
The 18-year old says, "I try to become."
He speaks without hesitation and his voice is clear as if he knows something that no one else does. Pepi made the difficult choice to join the USMNT just weeks ago. This team was trying to recover from its defeat at the last World Cup. Pepi has been a revelation. He scored a crucial goal in America's victory over Honduras on September 8, fulfilling his promise to his family: "I'm going to score." I'm gonna score. I'm gonna score."
Yet, even though his world is changing, even while he prepares to play another round of games this week, which will hopefully take him and his team to Qatar 2022 in 2022, he still seems calm and peaceful. He seems to know that it's only a matter time before attention will come. It was his sacrifices and those of his family that eventually led them to El Paso. He and his family may also go to another place from here.
It's not more than a 10-hour drive from this location to your home.
EL PASO is home to 83% Latinos, the majority of them of Mexican descent. However, decades ago the city was much whiter. Alameda Avenue was the city's dividing line back then. If you were white, it is likely that you lived north of this street. If Mexican, you stayed south. It is between this avenue and El Paso County's Rio Grande, in the eastern portion of El Paso County, where land is more affordable, that San Elizario is found.
Everyone here calls it San Eli. Ricardo's childhood home is located about one mile south of Alameda Avenue. It's also half a mile north of Alameda Avenue. The Rio Grande lies just north of it. This wall, which is rusty in color, scars the soul of the place. It feels abandoned with the overgrown weeds and still-hanging Christmas lights, empty rooms, and the white car with flat tires parked at the back. It was as if a golden opportunity had presented itself.
The Pepis' old home looks just like many other houses in the neighborhood. It's good enough to live in, with doors and windows that lock and water and electricity working, and a roof that doesn't leak.
Daniel, Ricardo’s father, said in Spanish, "I built it." Every extra dollar that was received went to the house. Daniel began to build this house with his own hands, working weekends and during long weeks.
Daniel says that Ricardo grew up in difficult circumstances. That was part of why we chose to live in San Eli. We didn't want to. I grew up in rural areas where you are woken by roosters and where neighbors have cows.
Ricardo was born in San Elizario near the Texas-Mexico border. He did drills with his father near this Spanish Colonial church. Digital Light Source/Universal Images Group via Getty Images
Annette and Daniel raised their family from this home. This was a common life for many El Pasoans. They stayed on the Rio Grande's north side from Monday to Friday, whether they were at school or working. The Pepis traveled to the Rio Grande on weekends and at random times during the week to visit family in Jurez, Mexico.
Daniel refers to El Paso as "one city, one community." "It doesn’t matter if your El Paso home is in Jurez. You can cross the bridge as many times as you want."
Ricardo, the oldest of the three Pepi kids, started playing soccer from this house at the age of four. Daniel had coached Ricardo for several years after he'd seen his father play soccer. They would sometimes practice drills in the shadow of a church, which has its roots back to the U.S. Constitution.
Daniel placed his son in leagues that were a year or so older than Ricardo's. He did it to push his son. He did it to challenge himself. He did it because Ricardo was always larger than his peers. Gordo was his family's nickname. Daniel, outside of El Paso had to bring his son's birth record to prove that he wasn’t older than the competitors, but he was actually younger.
Ricardo had what Daniel calls in Spanish "el olfato gol". Sometimes words and phrases lose their beauty when translated. This is one example. The idea is that Ricardo was able to sense the goal even when he was young. It was almost as if he could smell it. It was almost as if he could touch it. He could score at will, which he did often -- even though his father kept him on defense. As he did this, Ricardo's parents were again doubtful of his age.
"QUINCEAERO!" These parents shouted, implying that the boy was 15.
"CUNDO ESTE LA BODA?" They yelled, asking sarcastically when he was getting married.
Daniel laughs as he recalls those times. When asked if he felt he had pushed his son too far, Daniel turns serious. Ricardo felt like running during the games. Sometimes that's all 7-year-olds want. Daniel would then take Ricardo to the game and drive him home. It is a lonely, long drive to San Eli. This stretch of road is perfect for proud men to sit and contemplate in silence.
Daniel admits that he was tough on Daniel.
I would make him take off his uniform and cleats and throw them out. I would tell him that if he doesn't want to play, it's okay. You shouldn't play. You won't waste my time or my money.
Ricardo began playing soccer when he was 4 years old. He left his home in Texas at the age of 13 to attend FC Dallas Academy, which is a 10-hour drive from where he grew up. For ESPN, Brent Humphreys
If you are the child of immigrants, it can feel like you have to make their sacrifices and struggles count. It's too heavy to call it that. It's that feeling you get when your mother or father looks at you and wonders what their dreams were before the realities of life knocked them out.
Sometimes your mother was 16 years old when you were born. Sometimes your father will pawn the family car or borrow money to pay for tomorrow's problems. If it means that everyone is eating today, then this can be a problem. Sometimes, it feels like you have to flee from a neglected area like El Paso or Jurez.
El Paso County, like the rest of its communities, is largely made up of people of Mexican descent. It has a significantly higher poverty rate than other parts of the country. The per capita income in El Paso County is more than $12,400 less than the national average. It has lower educational attainment. It has a higher percentage of uninsured residents aged 65 and under than the national average.
It's because of this that it's easy for me to feel a sense of urgency when I come from El Paso-Jurez borderland. It is disconcerting to see how little things grow here. It's not easy to grow in this barren environment. It's easy for people to lose themselves in the vast open spaces of West Texas or Northern Mexico.
Living here means to feel the endless questions and the wind that blows down from them. Even on the most difficult days, it howls. It causes the desert floor to dance until the sand blocks sunlight and transforms the sky from a blue hue to a reddish brown.
This wind can blow down roofs and knock doors off their hinges. Sometimes it can blind or choke you. On those days, it can make you feel like you should run from the desert. This is a separate world that exists between two countries. It sounds like an invisible hand is constantly pounding dirt on locked doors and windows. This is because the wind carries the existential issues that most of us struggle with.
Will my family and all I know suffice to make me happy if I leave?
Will the benefits I gain if I go?
Ricardo made his debut in 2019 for FC Dallas and became the youngest MLS player with a hat trick in July 2021. David Kirouac/Icon Sportswire
Annette said in Spanish that Ricardo moved to Dallas because it was "LIKE THEY TAKEN A PART OF MY HEART." It was 2016. Ricardo was thirteen years old. FC Dallas offered Ricardo a spot in their academy. Ricardo said yes. He left.
Annette recalls that the only thing she could do was to support her son. It was very difficult. It was very difficult.
Annette cried to sleep the first few weeks her baby was away. Between phone calls to her baby's host family, Annette would cry more often in the mornings, asking if he had eaten and how he was doing.
Daniel would hear her say, "I can't live without him." "I can't."
Daniel tried to comfort her by telling her that it was Ricardo's wish. They could only support him. However, for Daniel, this distance was too great.
Ricardo's family traveled to Dallas for a tournament about a year after Ricardo had left. They drove 635 miles, ten-hour drives twice a month. Daniel was told by his coaches that Ricardo was doing well and had a bright future. Ricardo shared with his father that he wanted them to all move to Dallas to be together again during the visit.
Ricardo was told by Daniel, "Son." "I'm not going to move here. "We're not coming."
Daniel asked Ricardo if that weren't enough deflating.
"I would like to know if your ready to return?"
Ricardo began to weep as soon as Daniel asked the question. All the dreams that he had in his mind were now in doubt. Being 13 years old and being able to say no to someone who has given so much to you feels like the hardest answer you will ever give.
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Ricardo, in tears, said that he could understand how difficult the distance between them was because he felt it as well. Ricardo missed his family most, but he also missed El Paso & Jurez. He was sad to see his family and friends on both sides.
Ricardo said to his father, "I love you all," "But this is my dream, and I'm going stay. "I'll miss you all."
Daniel felt chills as soon as he heard the words. He started to cry. It's hard to forget the pain of seeing the eyes of a Mexican man who has been through so much. They hugged and kissed. Annette was informed by Daniel about what was going on and Annette told him that she was ready for her to move. She said, "I don’t want to be apart from him."
The entire Pepi family, including father, mother and brother, moved four years ago to a suburb north Dallas. Ricardo also moved in with his host family. Their lives revolved around soccer, just as it did in San Eli. They watched Liga MX when they weren't playing, at school, Daniel on a construction site, Annette cleaning another office or at school. They cheered for Club Amrica as they always have, and they were "Amricanistas en corazn" like always.
Daniel says, "I was raised to watch Mexican soccer." "And that's how my children were raised."
There was so much Mexican soccer, the league and El Tri, that Ricardo, a young boy, said something that his father still recalls.
Daniel was watching El Tri's play when Ricardo said, "Hey dad."
Perhaps they were at Estadio Azteca, Mexico City. Perhaps the Mexican national team was in America, where they are the most popular team. We don't know.
Ricardo stated, "Imagine when you're playing there."
Although he was raised in both Mexico and the U.S. youth camps, Ricardo represented America at the U-17 World Cup 2019. Maddie Meyer/FIFA via Getty Images
Manny Ruiz states that he was 99 percent certain he would pick Mexico.
Ruiz is a season-ticket owner for FC Dallas and is also a member El Matador. The group is a bilingual group that supports FC Dallas and plays salsa and raps together at tailgates. They also talk in English and Spanish. Ruiz was just a teenager when Ricardo played professionally in 2019. Ruiz was born and raised in Dallas. He is also a big fan of El Tri.
After watching Ricardo score at a faster pace with FC Dallas, including becoming the youngest player to achieve a hat-trick in MLS history -- Ruiz figured that the dual national El Paso kid would choose Mexico. Ricardo was part of the United States' U-17 World Cup squad and had attended international youth camps. There has been a long-held perception that U.S. Latino players, who play in cheap suburban academies and city leagues, are taken for granted. The worst case scenario is that they are ignored by the system. Two weeks before Ricardo made his decision, David Ochoa, a Mexican American player, said that he was playing for Mexico.
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In late August, a few days after Ricardo had scored the game-winning penalty to win the MLS All-Stars against the Liga MX All Stars. The USMNT then announced their roster for World Cup qualifying. Ricardo was called by the team and he agreed to be their representative for World Cup qualifying. Ricardo stated that he had chosen the United States but was proud to be a Mexican American when he made his announcement.
Ruiz describes Ricardo's decision as "pretty devastated". Ruiz was taunted by USMNT fans in El Matador as soon as the news became public. It didn't matter that they were also surprised.
Miguel Villalpando said, "I was shocked." Villalpando was born in Oak Cliff, a predominantly Latino area in Dallas. He first heard of Ricardo while he was playing in the FC Dallas Academy. Villalpando claims that he noticed the similarities between them immediately. He says that he is a Chicano, which refers to someone with Mexican heritage who was born in the United States.
He is from Mexico, and his parents are from here. That's something you should be proud of, especially since he is with FC Dallas and I am a U.S. citizen. "Fan."
It almost sounds like the origin story for a comic book villain to hear Villalpando describe how he became a fan USMNT. At the age of 11, he was playing Mexico. My dad used to say, "A quin le vas?" A Estados Unidos o Mxico?'" He wanted to win either Mexico or the United States.
His father, from Irapuato and Guanajuato, answered his questions before he could speak. "Ah, Chicanito, you must go to the USA."
Villalpando laughs as he tells the story and adds Spanish words to every sentence of conversation. He says it was his father's way to be playful. However, not all games are fun.
Villalpando claims that he was insulting me. "But I took the insult as I was going to embrace it. Since then, I have been a U.S. supporter because my dad did it to me.
Family and friends often call him a traitor, sometimes playingfully. They advise him to remember his roots and where his parents are from. They tell him to be prepared to lose before every United States versus Mexico match. Villalpando said, "I'm used it," because "it's happened since I was a child." It's nothing to me."
The United States defeated Mexico twice during this scorching summer.
Ruiz said that it hurt. Ruiz says that if Ricardo scores against Mexico, it will also hurt.
Villalpando said that it felt amazing. He said he would soon purchase Ricardo's USMNT jersey.
Ricardo moved to Dallas with his family one year later. His mother said to his father, "I can't live without him," For ESPN, Brent Humphreys
PHOTOSHOOT LOCATIONS: Ricardo believes that choosing to play for the United States was the hardest decision of his entire life. Standing a few feet away from the pitch, Ricardo says, "I talked with my parents about it." These were filled with rocks and weeds, and the thorns would stick to his socks, shoes, and laces.
Ricardo states, "I was called up by the national team." "I asked my father for his opinion and he didn’t really have much to say. He assured me that he would support me wherever I play.
Ricardo's decision was supported by the entire Pepi extended family. Ricardo's El Paso friends have also been supportive. They even purchased their USMNT jerseys with the "Pepi” on the back.
Ricardo insists that he is aware of the opinions of many people, including media, who believe he should've chosen Mexico. He explained that it was a better option and that he made the right decision.
He speaks with confidence about that decision every time he speaks of it -- he has been asked the same question in each interview -- and there is no doubt in his voice. When he meditates and sits in silence, he's just as calm and peaceful before each game. He says, "This all has to do with your mind." "If you are prepared for it, it will come.
He can't ignore the future just because he is at peace with his decision. The United States faces Mexico on Nov. 12. There isn't enough energy for Ricardo's Zen to pretend that it'll just be another game. He doesn't feel any emotion when he hears Mexico's national anthem being played. Perhaps even cry. El Tri members and their fans are known to do that.
Ricardo believes that the game will be different. Ricardo knows that two countries will be there and that the lines between who cheers for whom aren't always straight. He is aware that he may be the first Mexican American star on the USMNT and that there will always been those who disagree with him.
Ricardo knows that his father once dreamed of having a son play for El Tri. Ricardo now knows that he has the full support of his father.
Daniel said, "With all due respect," "I'm still Mexican and continue to love my homeland, but for now, my jersey belongs to the United States."
FC Dallas fans have become fond of Ricardo. On Twitter, the club urged Pepi to be made the permanent starter ahead of the next round of USMNT qualifiers. Kevin Jairaj/USA Today Sports
I DON'T QUITE REMEMBER when I realized that even though I was not physically there, I couldn't escape living in a borderland. This borderland between Mexico and the United States was where I felt most at home. It was here that I felt the most at home. The river that divides and unites El Paso, Jurez. This is the beauty of this place. There are many things to do, and some of them can be contradictory.
Sometimes it feels like the most beautiful spot in the world. Sometimes it feels like you're always going to escape living in the middle the desert. This rugged beauty can inspire even the most wildest dreams. A young boy playing in Europe's largest leagues. I am a former worker in construction. It's also the kind of place that can make you feel suffocated.
You leave because you have no choice. Sometimes, running away can lead to guilt.
The irreparable damage that leaving can do to bonds that were once so strong, you'd bet they could survive any distance. You will soon realize that you won't feel at home if you live far away.
Ricardo said of the borderland, "Whenever I have the chance, I try and make it over there." He misses the culture. The way everyone is friendly and humble, and the fact that Spanish is the most common language spoken on both sides. He misses his family. It's difficult to return because the season is so long. He says that he enjoys barbacoa in Jurez on Saturday mornings at El Chivo Brincon when he is back.
"Have you ever eaten there?" Ricardo asks me.
He responds incredulously to my claim that I have never been there. This goes on for at most two seconds. I inform him that the old place we used to eat was just a cart near a gas station. It didn't have a name and was often ignored.
"Everyone called it 'el gey de la gasolinera,'" I tell him. The f---ing guy at gas station.
People around us laugh, but we don't know why.
You won't know what it's like to be surrounded by El Pasoans and Jurenses if you aren't from here. It's hard to describe, but it's evident in their conversation, especially when they switch to Spanish. It's in their music and what they eat. It's in their shared memories of this place.
It's all in the interaction. You don't need to explain where you came from. It doesn't matter how much you miss it. Or the struggle to leave or stay.
It is not necessary to explain why the border wall does not look as jarring when you go away and return.
Sometimes, the wall feels like it's always been there.
DANIEL said, "It's impossible," when asked how he felt when Ricardo started the World Cup qualifier against Honduras.
The Pepi family went to Nashville for the game against Canada. Daniel predicted that his son would be playing in Tennessee for 10 to 15 minutes, since the USMNT had a tie in El Salvador.
Daniel says, "We went there with that hope." "Unfortunately, he didn't play. Since the U.S. got only two points from two games, I assumed he wouldn't play against Honduras.
The USMNT was looking lost after just two games of qualifying for the 2022 World Cup. Although the team was expected to win both of its games, they managed only draws. Fans were left with dark memories of their team's inability to qualify for 2018 World Cup.
This is why the match against Honduras was important. Daniel believed Ricardo would not play because he was not proven. It is clear, however, that the USMNT's efforts weren't working. So, Gregg Berhalter, possibly a coach for his job, told Ricardo that he was beginning on the plane to Honduras.
Daniel was driving through Waco, Texas, where his job is Monday through Friday, and he heard the news.
"Are you playing along with me?" Ricardo asked him, his surprise was so overwhelming that Daniel pulled off the road.
"No," Ricardo answered.
Halftime was losing 1-0 and Daniel had thoughts that everything might be falling apart for the USMNT. Maybe even thoughts that they'd picked the wrong country. Daniel worried that Ricardo would be replaced. It wasn't because he was not playing well, but because this was his first time.
Daniel said, "I see him starting in the second half." He also praised his ability to play. My wife says, "A goal's Coming, A goal's Coming, A Goal's Coming, A Goal's Coming." It happens."
Ricardo's header in the 75th minute broke the tie, making it 2-1. As he celebrated with his teammates and was the second-youngest player to represent the United States in a World Cup qualifier after Christian Pulisic, his family also did the same. The euphoria that Ricardo describes as "a goal which changed the game completely" was shared by all. The goal that, at the very least, freed the USMNT from all the anxiety, doubt, and panic that had been surrounding them.
Ricardo was celebrating scoring his USMNT debut score, but his family screamed at him and jumped at him. Brad Smith/ISI Photos/Getty Images
Daniel states, "There wasn’t enough space in our hearts for such emotion." Annette, who was seated beside Daniel, jumped up and cried. She wept. She did so because that's what she does every time Ricardo wins.
My son always claimed that he wanted to become a professional. He said that he would play for a European club. Annette says that he always scores and I feel happy and joyful every time he does. Her voice crackles as she speaks.
She said that her son was a dream come true and finished his USMNT debut in Honduras with a goal, two assists, and a win over Honduras at 4-1.
The teenager who was at the border of two countries says, "That game was exceptional."
Ricardo bought this Camaro red Camaro last week, his first car purchase. For ESPN, Brent Humphreys
RICARDO STANDS BY HIS Camaro. It's the final photoshoot location for the day.
His car, which is a symbol for American muscle, looks like a candy apple. It was about a month old when he bought it. He bought it for the first time. He makes sure to close the doors when he is done parking it. He doesn't want his fingers to scratch the tinted glass.
Ricardo describes the past few months as "crazy". He claims he is more recognized. He is approached by fans who ask for autographs. Some -- more than ever -- also tell him that they are from El Paso.
It's easy for us to forget Ricardo's youth when we watch him play against men. He graduated high school in the middle his life-altering season. He still lives at home with both of his parents. He does his best to take care of the house, walk the dog, and wash dishes when he isn't scoring goals.
Ricardo misses home. He doesn't doubt the decisions he made. He said he understood the risks his family took. They moved from El Paso and Jurez to Dallas, which is a huge city. After four years, they still use GPS to navigate.
They live here now. How much longer? Nobody knows. Rumours of Ricardo being a soccer player mention his name alongside some of the biggest clubs in England, Germany, England, and the Netherlands. Daniel said that the family is constantly thinking about it.
Daniel comments, "But we don’t see it as wondering what’s next." "We know what's next. He has long visualized his future path. He has a clear vision of where he wants it to be and what the way to get there is.
They speak as though they know that no matter where they live as a family they can't escape El Paso-Jurez borderland. They still have the unfinished San Eli house. They talk about traveling as often as possible, crossing the bridge that connects home and divides. It never feels enough, they say. Even if Ricardo decides to play for the United States, they feel more at home in that space between these two countries.
It's almost as if they don't want to forget where they came from. This is why Ricardo and his magic right foot are not allowed to play for the United States. They only speak Spanish at their home.
Roberto Jos Andrade Franco, a bordererizo from El Paso-Jurez, is his name. Follow him @R_AndradeFranco for more of his work.
