How can I overcome my indecisiveness and make progress in my life? It is common to feel anxious about important decisions that require significant investment or time commitment. These decisions are often so complicated that I am unable to choose.
In situations where I have been offered two options, like two university study opportunities or two job opportunities, I find myself frustratedly unable to make a decision. Sometimes I overthink and lose both opportunities. This can lead to feelings of guilt and shame. It seems strange that this inaction has held me back from moving forward in my life.
If I look back at my childhood, I don't know how or where to find the solution. Is it possible to put all my eggs in one basket, and not give myself any choice? I am concerned that if this is not addressed, it could lead to more poor decisions down the road.
Eleanor: A parable about a donkey being tied to a pole. There are two buckets nearby, one of which is water and the other hay. Both have water and hay. Both are equally hungry and thirsty so there is no reason to choose one. Donkey is logical and wants to make the best decision supported by facts. Donkey stands beside his pole, trying to decide which bucket to choose first. He then dies.
Im like you donkey-like in my decision making. It's frustrating. It can be frustrating.
I think what I find so paralysing is the sense that there is a correct, happiness-guaranteeing choice here, if only I could figure out which one it is. It's like a cruel game. We marked three doors with names of competing universities. One door is blissful happiness, the other is total ruin. You can choose! Your! Your!
Two thoughts finally freed me. The first is that there are no doors that will lead you to happiness and pain. I know there will be heartbreaks, irritations, and days when the fog sets in. This makes the stakes seem a little lower.
Laurie Paul, a Yale professor, has the second idea. It is impossible to know which door you should walk through. Your decision now will determine which one you feel right. Although it is a silly thought, I believe it to be a good one. Imagine that you have chosen a job that will allow you to travel more but pays less. You might love the job you choose, but you may find it hard to remember how it felt to travel. This decision will be one of your best, but not for the reasons you might have expected.
You can make all kinds of decisions like this. It's not worth trying to make these decisions in advance and making lists of pros and cons. The person who makes the decision may count different things as pros and cons. Our future selves are determined by our choices.
I hope you find this helpful. Pick a bucket. Any bucket. The other side of the decision will be waiting for you, ready to be surprised at how flexible and authoritative you are.
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