My oldest son can sometimes feel like he is fighting for his life on the way home from school. He is a bundle full of energy when I get in the car. When I ask him about his day, he suddenly stops smiling and locks his lips like a safe. As I wait for any clues that might lead him to speak up, the rest of the trip is nerve-wracking as Law and Order.
Advertisement
My wife and I were excited for our sons to start kindergarten this school year. It's been hard for us to gauge his excitement now that he is a few weeks into kindergarten. I worry that he is being bullied by other students or finding it difficult to learn the curriculum.
Parents have struggled for generations to get their children to share about their day. The plethora articles on this topic show that the battle to learn what happens at school will not end with the advent of minivans.
We researched why children don't talk about what happens after they are dropped off and shared some strategies and questions to help them open up.
After school, kids need to relax.
Adults often need to take a break from work to recharge and get our brains working properly. It can cause us to feel a little bit overwhelmed.
G/O Media could be eligible for a commission on the HP Chromebook 11. This is a great back-to-school pick!
Students love the long battery life. Purchase HP for $230
This article by Meghan Leahy of the Washington Post states that young children need to have a break from school in order to adjust to life at home.
[B] Because children are young and immature their brains don't have the ability to navigate the transition from home to work. Their brains become fried when they feel overwhelmed. When they're so tired, children can't hold onto their maturity. Children who are more sensitive might show signs of being overwhelmed.
Advertisement
Leahy suggests giving children a break from their day and waiting for them. Listen to their stories and don't let your curiosity about their day consume the space or energy. You can focus 100 percent on listening.
Young children don't remember the events of the day the same way as you do.
Your child may be avoiding you because they aren't interested in your questions about their day. This is more psychological than biological. Between the ages two and seven, brain development begins in its most significant phase. Alison Gopnik, a child neuropsychologist, writes that at this age children are unable engage in conversation about their day. This is because their brains don't have the ability to recall their memories the way older children can.
Advertisement
It is frustrating to receive a generic reply from your child. However, they will not resist your questions. You can get your child to share the typical school day itinerary that teachers and preschools give you at the start of each school year. Gopnik suggests asking specific questions to help children recall particular memories from their day. This could lead to a longer conversation.
Tell tem a bit about your d ayst
Your typical workday, unless you're a movie star, or Jeff Bezos (I don't know), is likely to be dull and monotonous. There's a good chance that your child feels the exact same about their day. Perhaps the details of learning long division and who sat with whom at lunch seem too boring to recall. Sara Ackerman, a Washington Post writer, writes that her daughter reciprocated her kindness by sharing her day with her.
It doesn't matter if you are a software developer or a cashier, blogger, a driver on a bus, a doctor, or a stay at home parent. It is not about the details of your work. It's about sharing our laughs and frustrations, what we learn from mistakes, what we find hard, and the people we meet. This is what I do for my daughter. She will be more open to sharing the same things with me.
Advertisement
What if they bully you?
One in five children experiences bullying. Between 25 and 60% of those kids don't report it to their parents or authorities. These statistics may seem startling, but parents won't stop bullying by asking their children directly if they are being harassed at school.
Advertisement
There are many ways to get your child to talk if they're being bullied. HuffPost suggests that parents ask simple questions to their children about the people they are playing with and how it is going. Example: What were you playing with today? How was it? What do you enjoy doing with your other children? What do you dislike most?
If this doesn't work, there are books, movies, or television programs that deal with bullying that can be used to help your child open up about their feelings and start a conversation about how they interact with their peers. Even if your child is not experiencing bullying, having these conversations with them will help them to open up about it.
