Celebrate Jeff Bezos’ big day out to space with a $69 miniature dick rocket

Capitalism is about fair distribution of wealth based upon hard work and individual merit. This is why Jeff Bezos makes in 20 seconds what the average US worker makes in one year. He's so much more successful than you.
Jeffs is a sweet, grounded man who knows how to give back and help others. He spent billions on a trip to space with a dick-shaped rocket, which I found very relaxing. Some people claim that the trip was a vanity project. It was a massive pissing contest between billionaires who are egotistical and morally blind, whose pockets could save many lives. But I disagree. It is!

I have the perfect gift for Mr. Bezos' Big Day Out to Space: A 1/66 scale model of the New Shephard Rocket with a $69.99 price tag. It's a mini-dick-rocket, and it costs $69! This means that you can hear the invisible hand behind your back making jerk-off moves.

Okay, so although Jeff Bezos' wealth disparities are not my favorite, I am still a geek who thinks rockets or space are cool. Estes Rockets makes a variety of models that can be equipped with ballistic packs that you fire into the air. This seems like a great way to spend an afternoon. The rockets have parachutes that can deploy in mid-air to safely float them down. It's amazing.

Blue Origin's rocket, which we found via Gizmodo, costs $69.99. However, you can also purchase a complete starter set, including a launch pad, controller, and single-use engines, for $109.99. Pre-orders are possible for the rockets, which will be available November 1st. This rocket is almost certain to be the closest you'll get to going into space, like Jeff.