Two nurses commented on Jules' strength, and four friends wrote us a version of "Finally, youve got your boys!". Even my female obstetrician was impressed by Jules' penis size. It was due to the clamp he used for his hospital circumcision.I was already a mother to two daughters but having a boy thrust me into new territory. Between nursing sessions, I spoke to a friend about how much I felt like myself compared to the first few days after giving birth. I vividly remember the hormonal rollercoaster of crying, screaming at my husband, and worrying that I would crush my baby with my new-found bosom.She said that testosterone levels are higher when you have a boy. This explanation was so unsound, I decided to research it and quickly found it unscientific and misogynistic. My friend is a Phi Beta Kappa Harvard graduate. How much could such a dubious theory have slipped past her normally rock-solid bullshit detector?Jules was sure to hear this as his first encounter with males in society. These comments were likely the same ones that made his father extremely confident, so confident that he once managed to mann the grill at a off-duty barbecue for Michelin-starred chef. This can be a fascinating, but confusing, personality trait. While I am grateful that my son only currently consumes breastmilk, it will not be long before he begins to recognize his gendered superiority.When I discussed the topic with friends who had older boys and girls, I heard many variations. Even at an age where a baby's gender is as obvious as his pinky nail, and in an age of #metoo and other movements that have highlighted misogyny, each person had a very clear preference for their sons.One of my father-in-laws only likes photos that feature our boy on our shared family stream. He told me. He is the heir. This language he uses means he is carrying on the family name and these images of masculinity since they were so small it's really scary.On day one, we also received a huge penis comment, which was emailed to another. She noted the large number of compliments that her husband got for finally having his son.However, I found hope in the older girl/younger-boy triad.Charlotte, my two year old, stopped to burp her little brother one night before bed.As my multicolored Magna Tile structure grew higher and higher around my son, I thought this might be the secret to raising a great son. He was literally surrounded with castles built by his older, stronger, wiser, and more experienced sisters, even if he occasionally got a tile in the face.When I spoke with Dr Susan McHale, a Penn State University professor of human development who studies sibling dynamics, she was open to the idea. Girls, she told me, tend to be more relationally-oriented.She said that girls who are more well behaved than their brothers will be an example for their younger siblings and they will want to emulate them. Some studies show that brothers-brother dyads can lead to a rise in risk-taking behavior among the younger boys. This could be because the older brother is a gateway to delinquent and older peers. McHale believes that sibling relationships can be unique and important, even though they are often the least researched. She said that siblings are the most important relationship in a person's life, but there is not much literature about them.She cautioned that a lot of the success of things depends on how parents treat their children. Equity is possible when we learn to recognize the strengths of each child. McHale was not impressed when I said that I hoped Jules would be able to have a balanced view on gender roles.My brother was the third of three sisters. He is a wonderful husband and father, my sister said. His sisters deserve all the credit.Here's to hoping.
