It's something our advice columnists have heard many times over the years. Every Sunday, we dig into Dear Prudie's archives to share a selection classic letters with our readers. For even more advice columns, join Slate Plus. Your first month costs only $1Dear PrudenceMy husband and me live next to a man in his 70s. He is mean and complains about everything. One time he tried to sue his neighbor for tree branches that fell into his yard. My problem is that I ran into his cat a few weeks back while pulling into my driveway. He was killed. It was past midnight, and I didn't realize he was gone until it was too late. My husband quickly picked up the body and disposed it off a few miles away. He also promised not to tell me what had happened. He said it was an honest mistake, that the cat shouldn't have been roaming free. Our neighbor now goes door to door asking for information about our cat. There have been posters begging for help. My heart hurts and I want to tell my neighbor about the incident, but my husband insists that we keep our mouths closed, because he fears that the old man will make our lives miserable. My husband believes the man will come to terms with it and suggested buying him a new cat. This seems like a reasonable solution.AdvertisementAdvertisementAdvertisementYour husband has done the ultimate bag job and wants to bring a kitten with him. If you were a normal neighbor, you would have immediately told your neighbor about the incident and all of you would have shared in the grief. You are living in the gruelingly uncomfortable situation of being near a lunatic. I can understand your husband's quick, but not so nefarious decision to throw out the evidence. He may be on the wrong side. I am more concerned about his mental-health and the need to avoid endless misery caused by a litigious and vindictive neighbor. (It is not my advice. It is horrible to see posters of missing cats dotting the streets, knowing that you have dispatched the cat. You feel trapped in a feline version without a trace. You've seen enough crime shows to know that perpetrators are caught when cracks appear in their united front. So don't panic. This means that you won't be able to sit down with your neighbor and have a conversation about Schrdingers cat's physics paradox. (The thought experiment shows a cat that could be alive or deceased depending on an earlier random event.) You can't blabber to your neighbors about your guilt. No kitten buying. Continue to sigh and shake your head when your neighbor asks you about the cat. Emily YoffeAdvertisementSource: Help! Dear Prudence, I am a cat killer. (July 21, 2011).Dear PrudenceMy godmother occasionally babysits my children. She gets paid and eats a lot of our food. I confess to being inconsistent with her usage of our resources and being generous. I have been growing increasingly frustrated at her behavior with my children and in my home. She seems to believe she has the right to make decisions about how they are raised. While she was a good sitter when the children were younger, they now have different needs and so I have been looking for alternative childcare. My younger daughter was informed by me that her godmother would be coming to babysit. My daughter, who suffers from a communication disorder, started to panic and cry. She said that her family consisted of four people and not five. That she was only 10 years old. She also claimed that cuddling was something she disliked. She just went berserk. It was too late for me to change my plans so I went. But now, Im ready to get rid of this woman from our lives. She is down and out and I feel guilty. My kids are all she has.AdvertisementAdvertisementThere are many issues at play here. You feel equally frustrated when your babysitter steals food from your refrigerator when she comes to your house to care for your children. Both the former are not worth your attention (it isn't overly generous to hire a babysitter, and to allow a friend or family member to be godmother to your children) while the latter is very serious. Ask your daughter how often she worries about her impending death. She may need to receive more mental health care if she is constantly worried about her death. You can let this woman go as a babysitter, but not as a friend. You should tell her that your children require special care. She won't be able for you to hire her babysitter. You can be sure she is aware of the problems and if your daughter starts to feel irritated at the idea of spending time with you, that's a sign she has been paying attention. If this woman is not doing something wrong to you or your kids (rather than being ill-equipped for your daughter's communication disorder), then consider having her leave as a nanny and keeping her as a friend. Danny M. LaveryAdvertisementSource: Help! Help!Dear PrudenceMy husband and me were unable to save enough money for our children's college educations. My older son attended community college, and the majority of his tuition was paid for by grants and scholarships. My younger son, now a senior in highschool, has his heart set on a private school. We are not naive. But sticker shock is a real thing. He was offered a generous package and is now pursuing scholarships. However, it will still run him $30,000 per year, or $120,000 over four years. He would be in deep debt if he borrowed this amount. We don't have the funds to pay the loan or make the payments ourselves. For a cost of approximately $50,000, we want him to stay at home and then go to a satellite campus of a public university to study for two years before moving to the main campus as an undergraduate. Our state university is a top-ranked public university in the country. My husband's family feels we are doing our son a disservice by not signing for his loans or taking them personally. Is this a way of shortchanging my son?AdvertisementAdvertisementAdvertisementYou will all feel like you were sold a bill of goods and shortchanged if your son's college degree results in you spending your entire lives trying to pay it back, or if your son begins his adult life with a huge financial burden. Students are now weighing their college options. People used to believe that a college education, especially an elite one, was a way to secure a financial future and that it was worth taking out debt in order to get one. While college graduates do better on the market, people are much more aware of the potential nightmare-crushing effects of college debt. This includes the fact that it cannot be discharged and can have lifetime consequences. Research has shown that prestige degrees are highly valued, at least in terms of future income. This essay focuses on the exceptional educations and opportunities that can be found in schools that are not ranked highly, such as many public universities which 80 percent of students attend. Your state school may be the best in the country, but the school that your son wants to attend is just as good. This shows that he is driven and ambitious, two essential qualities that he will need in real life. He sees reality as a way to make the most of his opportunities at the state school. Your husband's family may decide that a private school is worthwhile. You should not let their generosity stop you from pursuing your goal of giving your son the best education possible. This government website is a good place to start your research on aid options. Talk to both private and public schools before you make a deposit. Make sure that you are getting every dollar possible. The public option should be preferred if the dream school isn't able to offer more money. He is ready to leave his bedroom and move to college, so it would be a wonderful gift if there were grant funds available that could make it possible for him start college on the main campus. E.Y.AdvertisementFrom: Help! We can't afford private college for our sons. Should we go into debt for his sake? (April 17, 2014).Dear PrudenceWe were thrilled to learn that we would be having a girl! We discussed names last week, and we gave ourselves three days to plan our ideas. I spent a lot of time working on this, and even created a presentation that included each name and the reasons why I liked them. I selected some names that were important to my family and some names from literature and the arts, all of which I believe would be lovely. My wife arrived with a list of names she had written on the back a grocery shopping list. It was as if she didn't care! Her ideas included sloppy misspellings of Lauryn, Bethonie, and 18th-century presidents' names such as Taylor, Polk, and Taylor. This was something I felt very disappointed with in my wife. This episode made me question the foundation of our relationship and how we are raising our child together. My wife and I have to work together to overcome this red flag in our relationship. I tried to talk it out with her, but she doesn't think she did anything wrong. We are now at an impasse.AdvertisementAdvertisementI have some good news for you. It is clear that your wife's behavior is not in the red-flag territory. I hope this helps you get over the shock of your initial letter. It's not even yellow-flag territory. It is not mentioned that your wife seems indifferent about the idea of having a child or that she has discussed child-rearing methods that you find unsafe or negligent. Your wife did not create a PowerPoint for potential baby names. This isn't a sign that she will be a bad parent or less excited about the prospect of having a child. My own health and well-being will assume that you are joking about your thoughts of ending a loving marriage, or even exaggerating, because Bethonie sounds cute to me.AdvertisementWhat makes a good name? More broadly, trashy or misspelled are subjective criteria. Lauren was a boy's name. However, that does not mean Lauren is wrong to name a girl Lauren. Lauryn is an acceptable variation of the standard spelling. You can disagree with her suggestions by saying, "I don't like Taylor." Bartleby The Scrivener, our daughter may have a nice ring for you, but it won't work for everyone. This is our girl, Fragonards The Swing.AdvertisementIt is important not to let your wife believe that your taste is subjectively superior to yours. You should apologize to your wife for her unkind reaction. Next, have another brainstorming session. Have several and try to bring more generosity of spirit to the process. D.L.Help! Help!Dear Prudence: MoreAn old boss pressured me into an affair in exchange for a promotion. At the time, I was young and didn't know how stand for myself. I have always felt awful for the things that happened to me and that I let the man do it. Although I was considering reporting him to his supervisors (I have heard that he has placed several interns and new hires in the same job), he decided to leave the company to run to be a prominent official in our city. I now have to make the hard decision whether to expose him publicly. While I believe it would be right, a part of me is worried about the scandals that will follow and I don't want to be a part of them. Do I dare to take the plunge?
