Jeffrey Hall, an associate professor of communication studies at the University of Kansas discovered in a 2018 study that friendship takes 50 hours to go from being an acquaintance to becoming a casual friend to becoming a friend. It takes 90 hours to become a friend and it takes more than 200 hours for someone to be called a close friend. It takes time to make friends, but there are old-school and tech methods that can help you do it.Meeting other parents was easy when my children were young. My children asked me if I could invite a friend over. I then set up a playdate and the parents became close friends. We would remain close even after our children outgrew us.One year after my divorce, my husband and I began a long-distance marriage. He still lived in my hometown. Some of my childhood friends still live in Kansas City. However, with their jobs, families and personal responsibilities it was difficult to coordinate our schedules. I needed to find a better way to make friends.My normal method of meeting people didn't involve punching or kicking. But I had always wanted to learn self defense so I combined my efforts. After just one week of Krav Maga training, I had made several friends. A potentially life-saving skill was also taught to me. Two years after I left my hometown gym, I still count some of my classmates as my closest friends.Although I have kept many of my friendships in place over the years, one day I felt the need to expand my horizons and make new friends. I was curious about how to make new friends so I sought out relationship experts.Find out what is holding you backThink about what is keeping you from growing your friendships. You are not the only one who has bad memories from a broken platonic relationship or is worried about fitting in. It can take many forms, including the fear of not being liked or doing something wrong or being judged. Shasta Nelson is a friend expert, speaker and author of The Business of Friendship. Making the most of the relationships where we spend the majority of our time. All of this is accompanied by the fear of being rejected. We are scared to reach out.Nelson points out that people are feeling more anxious about social situations as the pandemic drags along, even those who were fine a year ago. People are more anxious about their health, and also because they have less practice. This makes it difficult to be funny and charming when you've spent so much time alone or with small groups. It is safer and more risk-free to trust others to do the same.Identifying what is holding you back can help you make new friends. Meetup is a great way to find someone who shares your interests in thrifting, gaming and hiking. This app-based and online service has been helping people connect with each other since its inception almost 20 years ago.Recognize that making friends can be difficultAccording to Danielle Bayard Jackson (friendship coach and owner at Friend Forward), there is a common assumption that friendship should not be difficult. This online community offers coaching and events to help women foster platonic friendships. Some people find the idea of sharing vulnerability with someone new paralyzing. She says that people are too afraid to ask for help because they fear what it might look like. It's okay to seek out help from others, especially if they are more outgoing than yourself.Begin with your Facebook friends. A Facebook group can be formed based on common interests, such as parenting teenagers or cycling. Ask your friends to invite their friends to join. You could also join an existing group that encourages you to meet in person. Grown & Flown, an online resource that has over 194,000 members, allows parents to create subgroups and meet with other people in the same area.Understanding the Difference between Friends and AcquaintancesThere are many people you can make acquaintances with, people that you only see once or twice per year while still socializing with others. There are also meaningful friendships, which require more time commitment. We don't want to spend our emotional energy in shallow relationships. Gina Handley is a psychotherapist and author of Friending. Creating meaningful, lasting adult friendships. These are the ones where you can discuss the weather or latest football scores. Handley emphasizes the importance of having people who are there to support you in times of need. She says that you want people to come with wine and chocolate when you're in an emotional rut. Experts cited Hey Vina and Bumble BFF as the best apps for women looking for friendship.Take into consideration the Health AdvantagesStudy like the one in The Journal of Health and Social Behavior shows that adults who are more connected to others are healthier and live longer than those who spend more time alone. Handley says that friendships are essential for both relational and physiological support. They can help you overcome anxiety and depression.Don't underestimate the mental benefits of close friends. They make us feel understood and seen. Nelson states that it is crucial to feel secure and supported by someone you can confide, someone you trust, someone you feel comfortable with, someone you can trust to support you.How to find friends using technologyAlthough we are used to hearing about online relationships, there is still stigma attached to making deeper connections through online platforms. Bayard Jackson says that we are just beginning to understand the importance of technology in making friends. This doesn't make us lazy, incompetent or lacking in any way. She believes it is wise to be comfortable with using technology for friends.Nelson measures the app's value by its ability to encourage positive emotions when she interacts online. Nelson looks for both a game and a way to show gratitude to each other. Nelson believes that apps can be helpful in finding friendships but we must still take responsibility for how we reach out and what we do with our friends.Jump from Online to Real LifeThere is always the possibility of being rejected if you are planning to meet in person. Bayard Jackson says that we want to find people who are interesting, funny, and likable. It can be intimidating to put yourself out there and hope that you will be received well by someone new.But, it is important to start. A good place to start is coffee or lunch. You don't have to go to a theater or see a play together. Instead, think about your common interests and take a walk or visit an art gallery. You can meet up at a dog park if you have pets. Invite other friends along to your first meeting for drinks or dinner. This will make it less awkward.
