A second Pfizer shot popped in my arm as I walked out from my town's massive conference center in April. It was a sudden flood of emotions that overwhelmed me. As I was surrounded by joy and anticipation, I felt something strange. It was something that I couldn't shake. It hit me when my three-year old son ran into my arms and walked into my home.I believe Im going to miss being kept down, I realized in disbelief.My sadness is rooted in privilege. I have my life and health, as well as the ability to get vaccinated for this virus. It is not easy to be as fortunate as I am. It was a relief to have the vaccine. It also seemed to be a loss of something secure. Is it possible that the lockdown made me less able to handle the rest of the world? Was it that I was unable to cope with the emotional turmoil of a return society?My confusion was overwhelming. While I was happy to have the protection net of vaccination, I felt overwhelmed by the fact that I was suddenly faced with another reality after having spent the past year learning how to live within the limits of a pandemic.With the Delta variant on the increase, I worry about the safety of my newborn daughter and young son, who can't be vaccinated. I am calmed by the thought of another lockdown or growing restrictions.As we continue to move forward on unsteady feet to a new phase in Covid-19, these conflicting emotions will likely be familiar to many. However, language is not always able to help us understand what we are feeling.Sometimes there are no words to describe how we feel. That is why, according to Dr. Zachary Goodell, a Virginia Commonwealth University social psychologist, many situations, such as being vaccinated against a new pandemic virus leaves us feeling confused.My lockdown Stockholm syndrome in late spring was hard to accept with all the excitement around me. However, when I think back to the agony and grief of the worst pandemics days, my lockdown was in some ways a time of respite. For the first time ever in my professional career, I was nearly divorced from the race for success. While I was aware that my work was being slowed, others were also in the same situation. I had finally been given permission to slow down.It was also clear that I wouldn't be able to spend untold hours at home with my family, who are the people I love the most. I wouldn't be able to sit down and watch a movie together on a weekday. Or eat a long meal around the table. Or wander aimlessly through the woods behind my house for hours without any obligations.Dr Kali Cyrus is a Washington DC-based psychiatrist who is also an assistant professor at Johns Hopkins University. She says, "I am not alone in my desire for a simpler, more balanced world."Cyrus stated that even though people may feel isolated, they don't know how to get back to normal. Cyrus said that he is hearing more about how he doesn't want work to return to the way it was.Tess Cialdini is a Durham, North Carolina social worker who was pregnant during the pandemic. The past year and half has forced her to reevaluate her need for a 40-hour week.Cialdini states that I can work from home for my job in as little time as 30 hours, and enjoy a better work-life balance. In the past, I would have believed that my employer was the ultimate authority. Now, however, my new child is more important than any job.Toiell Washington (23-year-old CEO at Masters Tools) echoes Cialdini. She was able to regain her time during the lockdown era.Washington, from Boston, says that everyone has learned the importance of taking time for themselves. People feel less entitled now than before the pandemic.Washington also stated that she would be open to another lockdown. It is a matter for caution, with Delta's rise. She says she doesn't believe that safety and health measures will be taken to ensure people are safe.However, not all lockdowns included the ability to work safely and stay home with your children. People who have had to juggle a full work load and unending parenting duties are now able to return to school, daycares, and in-person work.Cyrus says that we need to recognize who the people who were affected by the pandemic. People who were affected by this pandemic want things to return to normal. That [perspective] may be lost on the side that is fighting for it to not return to normal.No matter what our new normal may be, or how abnormal it may appear, nothing will ever be exactly the same. It won't. Maybe that's not a bad thing.Cyrus says that this is the first time we've ever had such an opportunity. He also notes how workers are now realizing that the way they have been accustomed to working may not be the best. Both the onset of pandemic and the eventual opening of the spring were preceded by a rise in pro-union sentiment as well as a labor shortage. Many workers are refusing to return to low-paying and precarious services jobs.Cyrus says: People are becoming more bold. This is the worst nightmare for bosses.This brings me back to the initial relief I felt after receiving my second Pfizer dose. As I held the little white card that stated I was protected from further spreading Covid-19, how heavy my shoulders felt! A brief, simple moment gave me a glimpse of the excitement that lies ahead, which is what many others have also described.It is possible to believe that, once we have overcome this pandemic, we will be able to see the dawning of a new normal. Whatever it may look like, we will have created a world where our universal priorities are more balanced, our pace a bit slower, and our ability to appreciate those little things we used to take for granted, or completely ignore.One thing is certain, at the very least for those of us who have young children. We will one day look back at the children we once were as they leave for college or go to work in the real life. We wish we could have just one more month with them, without having to go anywhere or do anything.
