Dear Prudence is available to chat live weekly with readers. This is an edited transcript from this week's chat.Jene Desmond-Harris: Welcome! I hope that you had a great weekend, forgetting all about your problems and obsessing about women's gymnastics. Is it really that bad if you don't have to do flips on a piece wood as wide as a cell phone? If you have other thoughts, please let me know.AdvertisementQ. Ex-husbands girlfriend: I have been married for 19 years to my husband. Our relationship is good with few issues. There's one issue that comes back. He reconnected with his high school girlfriend and began to email him regularly. It was a sad discovery that I made when I opened the emails from a tablet. The first email was sexual in nature. I confronted him, and he said sorry and that it would not happen again.AdvertisementAdvertisementHe continues to email her until today, but nothing sexual has been reported. He knows I read the emails. I have told him that I don't appreciate the communication. He won't stop and said he didn't do any wrong. He is very angry with me and even says he's sorry that I don't have the same connections as he does with my ex-girlfriends. They discuss life, work, as well as personal matters. She sent one email about her daughter's interest in college in the same state as hers. It was difficult for her to realize he was only a few miles away but she wouldn't be seeing him. I am worried about him having an affair and don't want to lose my faith in him. Do I email her? What should I do?AdvertisementA: This is an emotional affair. No, do not email her. They won't stop communicating. In fact, they will be more secretive and excited about it. It will only fuel their mutual crush. Even if she cut off communication with you, it would not mean that he wouldn't care about your feelings or your wishes as much.AdvertisementThere are many rules in relationships, so you can negotiate how much and what kind of contact you want with your exes. The details of communications are not as important as the fact he is doing something hurtful to your feelings and hasn't tried to repair or comfort you. He's even getting mad at you! It's hard to believe that he is so hurt about his ex. It doesn't matter how he feels about his ex, it is still a problem. For example, if he made a dinner of salads every night, covered them with ranch dressing and then got mad when you suggested that he use oil and vinegar instead. I am trying to convey that the title of your question should read Unfaithful husband rather than Husbands ex girlfriend because she is not your problem.AdvertisementOne last push should be made to communicate clearly with your partner, perhaps with the assistance of a couple counselor. You should also tell him in writing. This will prevent him from pretending he didn't realize it was so important. You should seriously consider whether your ex-husband is the man you are looking for.AdvertisementPrudie's Advice:Questions for publication? Send them here. (Questions can be edited.AdvertisementLive chat Mondays at 12 noon You can submit your questions or comments before or during the chat.Q. Q. Did I drive my friends away from me? Before the pandemic, there was a close group of people I knew who met me soon after I gave birth to my first child. We met every week, had great times together, and I never doubted my status in the group. I felt that I was able to connect with everyone. The pandemic struck shortly after I found out that I was pregnant with my second child. We kept in touch via video chat and text, and I was eager to get together again. I noticed that the group was getting together a few months back, but I wasn't invited. I expressed my interest in their outings and mentioned how we had been extremely safe during the pandemic, with very little chance of being exposed. Finally, we were invited to a birthday celebration. It was a wonderful time. It was exactly like pre-pandemic. Then, my friends commented (separately) that we should get together when I feel safe taking my kids out on my feet.AdvertisementAdvertisementThese comments offended me. They seemed to think they didn't want me there because I was not capable of going out with two children. I approached my friend and shared my feelings. I also asked her if she believed I wasn't going out with my children. They really believed I was incompetent. My friend was not very open to my feelings regarding the comment and stated that I had not been invited as we all fell into different routines. I was completely ignored by her.It's been almost two months since then, and I barely hear from anyone in this group anymore. Since then, the friend I approached has not spoken to me. Although I was invited to a couple of outings a few weeks back, it didn't go well. They were more than an hour from me so they decided to meet up early in the morning. We arrived at the location as quickly as possible, approximately an hour before they did. They all left around 25 minutes later than we arrived. I was so disappointed. Was I reacting too strongly to this comment? Should I have let it go? Do I need to approach them again about this? Or should I just consider ending this friendship?AdvertisementAdvertisementAdvertisementA: I answered the question above. As I said, I am always open to making one last, very clear attempt to communicate with someone before ending a friendship. To find out if anyone has been hurt by you, I recommend reaching out to the friend you have identified as your closest friend.There are two possible explanations. 1. When you attended the birthday party with the two children, perhaps you had a difficult time managing the situation, were distracted from the baby, or 2. The older child was loud and energetic in a way that made the kids-free members of the group not enjoy themselves. They would prefer to avoid doing that again. 2) You have done or said something that has offended one or more people in the group. Perhaps they miscommunicated something via text, or they are in QAnon. It could be anything. It could be anything!AdvertisementAdvertisementI don't know.However, I know from personal experience that true friends make you feel valued, accepted, and secure in your position with them. You also leave their company feeling confident about yourself. This group doesn't seem to meet the criteria.Q. Q. He was constantly in a fight with her. One of them escalated to the point that he lost his temper, and hit her face. He immediately apologized for his actions and admitted that he had never been so cruel to a woman before.He and Maura have separated but he isn't anxious about moving on because of his past abuse. Although I believe it is wrong to abuse a partner, I don't think he should be called an abuser. I believe that Maura was more abusive than he was in that relationship. Although Dean's actions were wrong, I don't think it should be a defining moment in his life. He needs to know that he is worthy of happiness, and while he may need help in making sure it doesn't happen again, his actions shouldn't be what defines him.AdvertisementAdvertisementA: He doesn't need convincing. Dean is more aware of what he did, and whether he's at risk of repeating it again, than you are. Let Dean be as harsh on himself as he wants to be for the sake of his future girlfriends. He should label himself in the way that he believes is right and then move at his own pace.Receive Dear Prudence directly to your inbox Please try again. To use this form, please enable jаvascript. Email address: I would like to receive updates on Slate special offers. You agree to our Privacy Policy & Terms by signing up. Thank you for signing up! You can cancel your subscription at any time.Q. Q. Our family has always been comfortable with us being fully and partially undressed around each other in the bathroom, toilet, shower, and backyard (yes, there is a tall wall). Some family members feel that this is dangerous for the children. We have heard from the children that they are happy with this because it is how they have been raised. They also know they can choose to cover themselves if necessary. Do we need to make sure everyone wears clothes?AdvertisementA: It's totally okay to do things your way. It may be worthwhile to have a discussion with your children about how you see bodies (normal, nothing that should be ashamed of, uncomfortable when covered with unnecessary clothes), and how other people see bodies (sexually, private, scandalous). This will allow them to prepare for any questions or judgments from friends or strangers.AdvertisementQ. Q. He's in his 40s, but he believes he's in his 30s. He has made a lot of foolish comments on his podcast, and he refuses accept that he will not work for ESPN. Are there any suggestions for getting my friend to admit that ESPN won't hire him?AdvertisementA: He isn't hurting anyone. Let him live his dream!He sounds like he is drinking too much. If you feel concerned about his drinking habits and want to let him know that you care, it is fine. You can't make him change. The best thing to do is to remain a friend.Q. Q. This comment was made by the writer. It was a wonderful time. It was exactly like pre-pandemic. Then, my friends commented (separately) that they should get together when I feel safe taking my kids out on their own.AdvertisementAdvertisementAdvertisementA: Ah, yes. I thought we meant the writer and the children since they were the only ones mentioned. But that is definitely possible. If so, delete possible explanation No. 1.Q. Q. This made me more at ease with the fact that everyone's bodies are different. It also helped me to be more comfortable with my body. You can have that chat with your children to answer any questions, but it's fine.A: Yes, even though I am a clothes-loving person and enjoy wearing clothes at home, I think those who are most scandalized by nudity will be the ones who have the problem. It's obvious that the older children are aware of this, but it might be a good idea to have a conversation with the younger ones.AdvertisementTalk about this column on our Facebook Page!Classic PrudieMy sister-in law and I don't get along. My sister-in-law loves my brother and makes him happy. I try to be friendly with her when I see her but it has become harder since we moved back to his hometown, and she lives only a few miles from me. She is critical of my furniture, clothes and cooking. Although I try to ignore her comments, she won't let me down. My husband and I recently adopted two rescue dogs. We posted photos of them on Facebook. My sister-in law texts me to inform me that she wants to change my dogs' names because she will be using them for her children. She also tells me that she is pregnant, but I cannot tell anyone. I don't know what to do. Do I ignore her and pray it disappears? Send the text and be raked about for spoiling the surprise pregnancy. You can post tons of photos of my dogs and call them my babies. I must live with her in my life. I don't want to hurt my brother, but I won't change the names of my dogs.
