It's something our advice columnists have heard many times over the years. Every Sunday, we dig into Dear Prudie's archives to share a selection classic letters with our readers. For even more advice columns, join Slate Plus. Your first month costs only $1Dear PrudenceMy parents divorced when I was nine years old and both were remarried. My mother and stepfather were my parents. At the age of 17, Mom and Stepdad moved to another city. I moved in with Dad, Stepmom and Stepmom. My father's new wife was much younger and more attractive. It was more casual than my home before. My stepmom, who is about 15 years younger than me, and I quickly developed an attraction and began an affair. My father was on vacation for work and we were inseparable about twice per month. We agreed from Day One that we would not tell my father. I saw her through college, and she was there when I returned home to visit. Because of distance and guilt, my attraction to her waned, as well as the fact that I began to see that she was a terrible person and was terrible to me father. It was broken off two years ago. Last month, Dad discovered that she had cheated on another man (not with me). They are currently in the midst of a terrible divorce. She called me last week and asked why I was so distant. She said that she would reveal all about the affair if I didn't convince Dad to agree on a financial matter. Although I feel that karma is giving me the things I need, I'm afraid. It is better to try to reason together with her, even if she is crazy. To save Dad more pain, do her bidding? I will tell Dad everything, even though it is not the best for him. I want to do the best for him right now, but I feel powerless.AdvertisementAdvertisementAdvertisementSimon and Garfunkel spoke so beautifully about a similar situation. Koo koo-kachoo, Mrs. Robinson. She is not only an unfaithful wife, but also an extortionist. Your father will find the pain of removing her from his life worth it. It will be difficult to feel at ease with your father now that she has threatened you. All of these options are not good choices, but you should be the first one to tell your father that you didn't spend all of your senior year in high school woodworking class. It is not possible to know your father's mental health or temperament so I suggest you tell him in a corner of a restaurant. This will allow him to sit down, which will give you privacy. However, if he starts strangling you, the busboy might be able to intervene. Tell your father that you have had a dark, shameful secret for a while. You should give as little detail as possible, and stress that you were minor at the time she seduced. It would be helpful if you were also virgin. Your father will find this shocking news horrifying, but his lawyer will surely do a happy dance when he hears that the stepmom offered to give her silence in exchange for money. Your relationship with your father will change. It won't be deceitful, at least for now. Emily YoffeAdvertisementFrom: Should My Father Tell Me I Sleeped with My Stepmom (January 15, 2009).Dear PrudenceIn college, I was a waitress and had to deal with jerks at work. Despite repeated rejections, one of my regular customers began to stalk me. He was waiting outside my Japanese language class, holding flowers. Based on my name, school and schedule of Japanese classes at campus, he was able to locate me. He even remembered the type of bike I used and recognized it on the outside bike rack. Because he kept coming to my job, I had to file for a restraining or quit both of them. It was a terrible time in my life. I have been careful to keep my location and face off any social media. I keep in touch only by phone with my friends and don't post any photos online. My problem is that I am engaged to be married and my sister in law tags me daily in posts about places we visit. Although she knows my past, she refuses to take my picture and name off social media. It's gotten so bad that I won't take pictures of her anymore and don't want to go out with her for dinner. She still mentions my name in her posts. My fianc created engagement photos for her, which caused friction when he asked her to remove it. Although my fianc supports me wholeheartedly, the idea of having to manage his sister's media presence for the next nine month while we plan our wedding is sickening. To be honest, I'm seriously considering a destination marriage with only our parents. I need your help.AdvertisementAdvertisementYour future sister in law's behavior is not only dangerous but also thoughtless. She can't pretend ignorance. She knows that you have been stalked in recent years and that your stalkers MO included following your movements via social networks. Your fianc and you have asked her to stop following you on social media. Yet, she continues to do this in spite of the fact that it is clearly distressing you. It's time to establish clear boundaries and clear consequences. And to stick to them. Because I've been stalked, you know that Im worried about being seen on social media. You have continued to tag me in your posts even though I asked you to stop. I will stop asking you to mention my name on social media while we eat out. If she continues to do this, it will be a sign that she is not trustworthy and you will not invite you to her wedding. Stick to your guns. You can't tell her she wasn't warned. And what you ask of her isn't difficult or unreasonable. You won't be able to spend time with her if she doesn't honor your request. You can be her friend on Facebook or in her life. It is up to you. Danny M. LaveryAdvertisementFrom: Help! My fiancs sister knows I was raped but keeps posting photos online of me (Sept. 8, 2016).Dear PrudenceA small non-profit organization has given me a fulfilling job. I love my coworkers, but more importantly the cause that we support and the lives of the people we improve. Recently, however, I was involved in an altercation with Mr. Johnson. Johnson is a great leader, and we couldn't function without him. However, he can be forgetful and tends to keep his head above the clouds. Johnson often forgets to change his clothes so that the zippers are up when he uses the men's room. Yesterday's meeting revealed that Johnson doesn't wear underwear because his bull ran out of the barn. Although it wasn't sexual or intentional, I find myself thinking about his privates every time I go to see him. I'm not sure if he saw it get out at all, as he didn't seem to react or appear embarrassed. Do I speak to Mr. Johnson directly or should I inform his supervisor about the incident? Or should I let it go, hoping it never happens again?AdvertisementAdvertisementAdvertisementOh, yes, Mr. Johnson, the sweet and absent-minded man, is so focused on making the world a better place that he forgets to put his johnson in his pants. I've received so many letters from people complaining about the evilness of nonprofit workers that I believe this field attracts loons. They get to be bad-mannered under the pretense of helping others. Normaly, a man will feel embarrassed when he realizes that he forgot to zip his pants. It seems that Johnson is letting it all hang around day after day, seemingly unaware. I am curious if this man is capable of running an organization if he really is that out of it. He may also be pretending to look like a dingdong to cover his true identity. This has happened several times. I believe it is past the point when someone needs to silently mention that Dick's zipper is down. However, he must be informed that his wardrobe malfunctions must end. E.Y.AdvertisementFrom: Help! My boss always forgets to zip his fly (September 18, 2012).Dear PrudenceAfter a night out with my girlfriends, I returned home to find that my husband's phone wasn't plugged in. I took it out, plugged it in to the charger, and went on a quick look at Facebook. It opens up to reveal a photo of one of his close friends wearing a bikini. I zoom in on her chest and body. I asked him questions and he admitted to it. It was my fault. My husband had an affair with me more than a year ago. He was caught kissing his coworker after work. After that, it was only a once-off indiscretion and I decided to improve our relationship. This feels exactly the same to me, although I don't know why. It feels like he has cheated again. I gave him three days to leave, and told him that if he doesn't comply, I will take my daughter on a mommy/daughter trip so he has more time. I don't see me ever getting over it or being intimate again. I don't know if I'm overreacting, but this is what I feel.AdvertisementAdvertisementYou could go through your husband's phone and get into a fight over a photo you saw. Then throw him out of the house. You can feel what you want, even if it isn't fair. I can understand being jealous, hurt, insecure or betrayed by a spouse's masturbatory behavior, especially if it involves a mutual friend. I don't get what you did with these feelings. You should not have asked your husband to leave your home. Instead, you looked through his phone and interrogated his sexual fantasies. Your breach of trust was more serious than his by many orders of magnitude.AdvertisementIt is imperative that you immediately seek couples counseling. Even if you can't live together, you will need to figure out a way to communicate with him as a parent. Find a way to express insecurity and fear without having to look through his phone. It wasn't plugged in. You wanted to look and justify your actions. Or threaten to divorce him for thinking about someone he has been masturbating with. You are clearly in an emotional crisis and you are defensive. The issues that were raised by his brief affair last year obviously have not disappeared. These issues must be addressed for your sake and his.AdvertisementFrom: Help! Help!Dear Prudence: MoreMy battle with a disease that I have been living with for many years has now taken a bad turn. Although I don't yet have a terminal diagnosis, depending on upcoming tests and treatment options, I may live for a week, a few months, or six months. For the first time, my physician suggested palliative care. One of my dearest friends passed away last winter. I was deeply hurt by the fact that his wife did not inform me that he was actually ill. It was only through the grapevine that I heard. After thinking about it, I realized that my friend might have chosen to spare me and myself his despair and a sad farewell. A friend shared with me that her husband died in hospice. Tom, her good friend, wept so hard that he said nothing to his wife. Do I send a letter to each one of them explaining my decision?
