It's something our advice columnists have heard many times over the years. This special edition dives into Dear Prudie's archives to share some of our favorite letters about weddings. Sign up for Slate Plus to receive more advice columns. Your first month costs only $1Dear PrudenceRecently, my sister was married. She pulled me aside a few weeks before the wedding and asked me to color my bright purple and blue hair a lighter shade so I didn't stand out too much. She didn't listen to me when I told her how much I loved my hair and how it would look if I tried to make it more natural. A friend suggested that I purchase a honey-brown human hair weave, which is very similar to my hair texture and length. The big day went without a hitch and my innocent hair was not noticed by her. After nearly everyone had left, and my family and me were helping to tidy up, I took off the wig.AdvertisementAdvertisementAdvertisementMy sister was furious. She is still mad and says I broke her trust. Shell will never forget the wedding photos of the family with me behind them. I don't see any problem with my actions. I did not want to alter my hair color even for one day. I even bought a hairpiece to provide her with some security. Because she was so busy, I didn't think of telling her about the hair wig before. As long as my hair was normal, it should have been fine. What am I doing wrong? Was it my duty to my sister to color my hair for my sister's wedding? I was not even a bridesmaid.AdvertisementThis is not something I should be laughing at, but it is what I find myself doing. Your sister years from now, surrounded with her children, grandchildren, and loving husband, looking at her wedding album as a wizened figure, whispering, But underneath it was all purple and blue, is a funny thought. Your apology must sound ridiculous. Your appearance was changed to match her mood. This was a nice gesture. You don't have to be the same color as her just because she is married. Tell her that the photos are beautiful if she brings it up. If she asks you to wear contacts and to have laser eye surgery to help her with the birth of her first baby, don't listen. Danny M. LaveryAdvertisementHelp! My sister demanded that I dye my hair for her wedding. (March 17, 2016).Dear PrudenceMy parents are willing to help me marry the love of my lives next summer. My parents might not pay if I ask one of my brothers to be my bridesmaids. My brother and my parents are now estranged and have not seen each other in many years. Their relationship is turbulent and they have tried to keep me out of it. However, I often do things that make my parents believe I am in some kind of alliance with my brother. Some of these infractions include attending their daughter's birthday party, taking photos and posting them to Facebook and going out for dinner with them. I have had a strained relationship with my parents over the past year. My brothers want me to be their fiancee and my sister to be their flower girl. However, this could also cause some problems. What say do my parents have on our wedding? They are all my best friends, but I am unsure how to proceed.AdvertisementAdvertisementYou will soon see that the purse strings can be tied to your neck by the people in charge. Perhaps there is a valid reason for your parents' separation from your brother. Your parents will be seen as very unprofessional if their problems with their son lead them to cut off their grandchild from their lives and want you to avoid her. Your brother and you are sisters. You are entitled to a good relationship with your brother, regardless of his crazy interactions with your parents. It is possible that you will find that the dream wedding and the control over the guest list are not compatible. If your brother and his family are involved, the checkbook may snap shut. This should be addressed early. Let your parents know that you appreciate their offer. Also, let them know that your brother will be attending the ceremony with his family. I hope your parents don't object to this offer. The perfect dress and filet monsieur are more important than the people you love. Tell your parents that you won't accept money from your parents if your brother's family is blackballed. You will pay for the wedding that you can afford. You will find that you can start your new life in your own way. If necessary, a trip at City Hall and a barbecue are better than a lavish affair. Invite your parents to your happy day and let them know that you are open to letting go of your differences with your son. Emily YoffeAdvertisementFrom Help! Help!Dear PrudenceI'm 27 years old, and am engaged to an incredible guy. My dad was in an awful accident when I was little and was severely burned. He has severe disfigurement and lost a part of his right limb. He is a wonderful dad, and I don't even think about it. My fianc began acting strangely when we were talking about the wedding a few weeks back. I asked him why he was acting strangely, but he refused to answer. His mom then called me and said that her family didn't believe my dad should attend the wedding. She fears that he might upset guests and cause trauma to any children. She suggests that we have a private family celebration before the big event. My mom was furious and asked me why. My mom asked me why, and she replied that my dad and she understood. This only made me feel worse. Perhaps my future MIL is right, but I'd rather not invite HER than my father.AdvertisementAdvertisementAdvertisementYour fianc would not be so remarkable if he did not immediately respond to his mother's outrageous, sickening request, "Mom, Elises dad is great!" I admire his ability to overcome terrible trauma. This must be permanently dropped. You must permanently drop this. Instead of responding to his mom, talk it over with your fianc. It is up to him to speak out against his mother. You will judge if he is worthy to be a part of your family by how he handles it. Tell your parents, I hope, that you both attend the wedding as guests of honour and you will not be there. E.Y.AdvertisementHelp! My Fiancs Mother doesn't want my Burn-Victim Father at The Wedding. (Aug. 6, 2013,)Dear PrudenceMy husband had been engaged to another woman just weeks before he met me. My husband was contacted by her mother with a disturbing story about her daughter appearing in dreams multiple times. According to the mother, the spirit of her daughter is suffering and cannot pass over due to the unfinished business she has. My husband has been asked by the mother to perform a creepy, spiritual ceremony for her daughter in order to bring her peace and allow her to enter the afterlife. She continued to beg and pester him after he refused in the most polite way. He now thinks he should do it to make an elderly grieving lady at ease. Although I don't believe in superstition, I find it strange and wrong for my husband not to marry another woman even though she has been deceased for many years. This is a ridiculous issue that we have been fighting about. Are you being stubborn, or are you right?AdvertisementWhile you can feel compassion for the grieving mother, I think that your husband should not be involved in a spectral marriage. This woman will forever be grieving her daughter. However, it seems like she might be suffering from complicated grief. She is stuck in the grief of her loss, and it is not her daughter who is struggling to move on. Your husband has been in touch with his mother, the fiance's mother. He should suggest that she see a therapist who specializes in this area. He should tell her that he understands the desire for a ghostly wedding, but that it is not healthy for everyone to do so. E.Y.AdvertisementAdvertisementHelp! Help!Dear PrudenceI was a bridezilla. I laughed at the women who wanted a fairytale wedding. Then I got engaged, and I became one of them. I spent hours reading bridal magazines and dragging my friends to the shops. I told them I was ignorant of certain details, like which shade of ivory I needed for napkins, and they were worse than me. One of my bridesmaids asked me to cover her tattoos. Another was told to lose weight. My constant emails and demands drove my maid-of-honor to tears. When my fianc told me to end our relationship, I made him drop his brother and best man.AdvertisementI was insane. I was mistaken. But I don't know what to do. I feel ashamed when I see the beautiful pictures from our wedding. Only one of my bridesmaids can speak for me. Because of my behavior, my husband's relationship with his brother has been strained. Our marriage is not perfect. It's all mine. This was my terrible fault. How do I fix it?AdvertisementRecognizing your wrongdoing is the first step. You also have the desire to make amends with those you've hurt. You don't want to hide the truth. Instead, you should openly admit to your past and the hurt it has caused those you love. Begin with your husband. As you reflect on the events leading up to the wedding you realize how sorry you are and that you want things to change. Ask him to be specific about the things you did that hurt him. You have his support when you are at your worst so this conversation will likely help strengthen your marriage.AdvertisementYou can do the same with others. Name and apologise for any unkind acts, listen with an open mind and nondefensively to their perspectives. Recognize that you won't be able make amends for all you did, but you would like to keep trying to make amends with your future behavior. Some people may not be interested to hear your apology. It will be difficult, but it is necessary to understand that everyone has the right to not accept an apology and you cannot force anyone else to forgive you. You can fix what you can, but you must accept that you will never be able to make it right. Let the past serve as a reminder of how to treat others with respect and more kindness in the future. D.L.AdvertisementAdvertisementAdvertisementSource: Help! Help!Dear PrudenceMy girlfriend and me are both in law school and have been together for six months. She is my love and things are becoming serious. My girlfriend is the maid-of-honor for her best friend, who is getting married in spring. As her date, I was thrilled to be there. She recently admitted that she had slept with three of her groomsmen, including one who will be walking her down the aisle. This shocked me to the core. Although she said that it wasn't her business who she had sex in the past, she wanted me to know so I was not in the dark about the wedding. I am very upset. She suggested that I think about how she feels about having to share a wedding with these men. It makes sense, but these are the consequences of her actions. Do I feel uncomfortable seeing her walk down the aisle in a relationship she has never slept with? Or should I skip it and save my emotions?AdvertisementAdvertisementAs I look back in the past, I recall that just as Michael Weinreb's bar mitzvah was coming to an end, everyone gathered in a dark room and played spin the bottle. Everyone had a good time. Despite our indulgences, Monday came and we were able to meet in the cafeteria. According to my memories, make-out sessions were common in those years. This was not high school, but junior high. As you think about whether or not to attend the wedding, you feel an old-fashioned Victorian concern for others' honor. As the love of your lives stands in a pew, you can see yourself suffering silently alongside a group men with whom she has not only lingual but perhaps also carnal knowledge. You could choose to stay at home and clutch a tussie-mussie in order not to look on your beloved's ex-make-out partners. If she declines to go, her bridesmaids will likely take it upon themselves to explain to her what happened. They will probably encourage her to drink lots of champagne and then continue the lip-locking adventures with her groomsmen. One still carries a torch, as you all know. You could also view her confessions as good news. She settled for you after she had made oral acquaintance with these men, which, she is right, is not your business. You can proudly accompany her and greet any previous suitors. It's because you have the girl. E.Y.AdvertisementAdvertisementAdvertisementSource: Help! Help!Dear PrudenceMy boyfriend and me have been together for 2 years. We just moved in together. We are both 30 and do not plan to marry. My boyfriend's parents wouldn't accept no as an answer and they asked us when we would like to get married. They complained that we were crazy and we didn't get married. After a while, the argument escalated to a crazy level when his parents added another layer of crazy. They have booked the church for our wedding next year, and they also reserved the ballroom at a large hotel. Deposits are due at week's end. They want us to choose a band, flowers and food. We informed them that we can't attend the wedding. My boyfriend's mom gave me my number so she could contact me to help plan our honeymoon. This is so bizarre. We don't know what else we can do to convince them we won't be getting married. My boyfriend has been just as insistent with them as I was about it, so we are not sending mixed signals.AdvertisementAdvertisementI don't have a Brides magazine subscription so I am not sure if they cover ghost weddings. There isn't much written about the proper manner of a non-bride getting married to a man whose parents are (non-in-lawzillas). Your boyfriend will tell your parents that they will lose all of their deposit money if he continues with this farce. Your boyfriend may have to inform his parents if they become a monomaniac about the topic of wedding colors and arrangements. Let's hope they decide to go ahead with their plans, and that they find a couple who is not engaged and has the money to pay for a wedding. E.Y.AdvertisementFrom: Help! Help!Dear PrudenceI'm one of four siblings. They are all in their late 50s/early-60s. I am a gay man and legally married my 28-year-old partner earlier this year. Two of my sisters, one of whom is a lesbian, are married to their long-term partners. The youngest sister is married and has five children. She is also a Catholic. The invitation was sent to me only, as her daughter is soon getting married. My other sisters were also invited, but she was the only one. I don't know what to do. I reached out to the mother of my niece and asked her if my husband was available and if she had any information about my niece. I didn't receive a reply. I'm pretty certain he and his sister-in-law were not invited because my sister doesn't approve of their relationship due to religious teachings. I am now hurt and uncertain how to proceed. Since my niece was born, my husband has known her. Although she may have dropped some hints about her feelings, my sister has always treated him with respect. My sister and I have paid her mortgage in the past to help her keep their home. I don't plan to attend the event without my husband. I am unsure if it is best for me to decline the invitation and let them know how hurtful they are. What would you do?AdvertisementAdvertisementAdvertisementThis young bride is the perfect example of someone who grew up believing that homosexuality is okay. Go straight to her. She is an adult, and she is responsible for sending out her invitations. Maureen, tell her that I'm thrilled you are getting married. But, when I received the invitation, it was only addressed to me. I'm sure that it was an oversight. Your other uncle, my husband, will be invited. Your Aunt Cynthia mentioned that Cynthia's wife was not included in her invitation. We need to confirm that our spouses are included. If she claims she didn't invite her spouses because she was hurt by her mother's feelings, then you can tell her she is now old enough to make her own decision. You should explain the basics of etiquette to your niece and nephew if she decides not to invite her aunt's spouse. You explain that wedding invitations should be extended to both the bride and groom. You should tell her that you won't be able attend if your husband isn't included in the invitation. If that is the case, I would not worry about where the couple is registered. E.Y.AdvertisementFrom: Help! Help!Dear PrudenceFor the past few years I have been in love with a wonderful man and we are looking to get married. My mom was insistent that I should not have a traditional ceremony. She suggested that it would be better to go to a courthouse. When I told her that I was actually looking forward to a wedding, she said, "Well, don't expect your Dad or me to pay for it."Prudie, I have never asked my parents to help me pay for my wedding. Actually, my intended and I have had discussions about the financial aspects of the type of wedding we desire and are happy to pay for it ourselves. My brother was married two-and-a half years ago. My parents made a big deal about making sure that the rehearsal dinner was delicious and paying for their honeymoon.AdvertisementIt is strange that my mom suddenly took a different approach to this. I haven't asked her anything about this and her comments make it seem like my brother's wedding was more important than mine.AdvertisementAdvertisementThere are at least two conversations that can be had. The first and most basic is this: We don't expect you to pay for your wedding. We have already set our budget and will be paying for the ceremony.You may also choose to have another conversation, especially with stressful events like weddings. This is the way she approached the topic, which was both unkind and unclear. You can only explain how it affected you if you choose to do so. I would like to speak about the topic of the cost of the wedding. Although I don't expect you to pay it, I was hurt by the fact that you suggested I go to courthouse instead. This angered me even before we had discussed the topic. Let's talk about it. E.Y.AdvertisementHelp! From Help!Dear Prudence: MoreMy future mother-in law would love to wear her wedding gown to our wedding. I am less concerned about the wedding dress than what it says about my future relationship. She is very caring and kind. I know this is not something she wants to do. What are her motives and what can I do to stop them? I'm more inclined to allow her to wear whatever she likes, because it doesn't bother me as much than something else. Do I have to pick my battles? Will it make me look like a pushover if I don't say something?
