Shohei Ohtani's Babe Ruth impression is the only way I watch baseball. It rules.

I was a big baseball fan. Heck, I even used to play the game (albeit very poorly). However, I can't recall the last time I saw a televised baseball game. Baseball is not a part my life. There is one exception to this rule: viral clips of ShoheiOhtani. Let's start by going back. Over a decade ago, in the Jimmy Rollins -Chase Utley - Ryan Howard era of Philadelphia Phillies, I lived with and died alongside the team. A millennial with a short attention span, I followed baseball faithfully. Wow! However, as time went by, I gave up. There is too much to do. Too many things that require my limited attention and time. Baseball was boring. There's reality TV for me to watch. Yes, I will still go to a game of baseball, but it's more about sitting in the sun and drinking a few beers while eating hot dogs. That's it. I no longer care about baseball. I thought so. Shohei is the grim reaper for baseballs. Any and all Shohei Ohtani videos are my favorites. If you don’t know him, imagine a demigod swinging an old Louisville Slugger. Concentrate on hitting a silly little baseball and you will grasp the immense power of the ocean. Imagine an axe cutting softened butter. It is so frustrating that I am trying to explain it. This is what you should see. As if the ball had briefly come to life, but then stopped, you can hear it making a loud, violent sound. Our hero is a 26-year old Japanese baseball murderer. He's hitting his 30th homerun, the most in the league. His bat cuts down, cutting into the ball like an axe, whipping through long grass, and searing it to the opposite side. He is telling the ball to fly like it when he hits it. And, as if that wasn't enough, he's a dominant pitcher. That's something that nobody, and I don't mean anybody does anymore. In modern times, it's not possible. It's impossible. It is impossible. Babe Ruth is the only comparable. Literally. That's all. We are only halfway through the season, and Ohtani already has surpassed the all-time record for homers that the Great Bambino set in a season when he also pitched a substantial number of games. No, I won't be watching a complete baseball game. However, I will search Ohtani on Twitter to see the latest feat achieved by this giant of a man. This rabbit hole has taken me down so many times that I can't count how many times. What did Ohtani do? Oh my goodness, that's amazing. He swings so hard, holy hell. Etc. Etc. This feels like the best way to watch baseball. I don't have the time to watch the relief pitcher eat innings for four hours. I spend only 30 seconds watching baseballs being ground into fine powder. They should not make the whole plane out of the blackbox, but they should make all the baseball out of Shohei splitters and dingers. This is a lot like what I did for myself. Sacrifice bunts are for purists. A diehard is for birds. You can watch the viral clips of this man, who looks like he was sent to Earth to take revenge on those poor white baseballs. In all seriousness, however, this is one small, positive thing that the internet can accomplish. Ohtani is a great artist, and I can see things that make me happy, at will. No more watching a whole-ass videogame. No. We might as well enjoy a little joy, even if we are all being soaked in the internet's constant waterfall of hate spew. It is a great joy to see Ohtani ignore the rules of baseball. Ohtani does everything possible on the diamond, physics and all. This is how I watch baseball. It takes me thirty seconds to see it. And I am completely slack-jawed. It rules.


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