Slates' parenting advice column on Care and Feeding covers care and feeding. Do you have a question about Care and Feeding Send it here, or to the Slate Parenting Facebook page.Dear Care and FeedingA small group of parents meets in our neighborhood. They have a Facebook page, and sometimes meet up in person. Someone came to our neighborhood recently who didn't have children but was dating a single mom. They don't have children! Parents, I want to talk to them about parenting. What if they refuse to attend? How do I start this conversation?AdvertisementIt's Parenting-RelatedDear IPRThis is the mother of the person I am asking for permission to keep them in the group. It depends on the reason they joined. You can help them understand their parents better so they can be more present in their relationships. If they want to build a relationship with their children, I would love to meet them! I would love to meet someone like that. Ask them if they have a tall Black brother.AdvertisementAdvertisementIt is strange that they would join to meet people, and then use the single-parent partner to create a social circle. Is this your job as an administrator? Is it your job to inquire about them? Are they causing a halt to conversations about parenting or just taking up space? I would let them go if they weren't annoying anyone. Most people don't want to spend time with their parents. Perhaps this could be a program that allows you all to get to know the outside world. It is odd, but it doesn't seem to be a cause of the situation. Perhaps you could all agree on clearer rules to ensure that people without children won't feel excluded. Make sure that the partner is actually there and that they didn't join because of any other evil motives. Good luck!AdvertisementHelp! Help! Answer: Join Slate Plus.Dear Care and FeedingI adopted an old pit bull/boxer mix at the beginning of the pandemic. I took it upon myself, to make his final months, or hopefully years, more comfortable. He has blindness in one eye, is partially deaf and missing many teeth. Since I'm single and have no children, I spend lots of time with him.AdvertisementHe has found that sitting outside in the sun with a blanket and looking at the birds and squirrels is a great source of comfort and happiness. Although he will occasionally bark at a cat that wanders by, it is very rare and not often. Three months ago my neighbors moved in with a young girl who had been bitten at a park by a pitbull. She now has a fear of dogs and is very sensitive to people. I tried my best to accommodate her. They were assured that their dog could not detect children and I would keep them away on walks to avoid triggering their daughter.AdvertisementThey have been sending me passive-aggressive notes over the past weeks asking me not to walk my dog past their home. They want me to stop letting my dog bark, to keep him away from the yard between 8 and 9 a.m. and 2. p.m. and 7 p.m. because that's when she can see me. If I have to keep him inside, I will either put him in a crate (which makes him sit in pain) or to muzzle him. They have been persistent and I've ignored them. But, they seem to be persistent and are (irrationally!) worried about my dog. How can I get rid these annoying people? Although I have been sympathetic to them in the past, this seems absurd.AdvertisementAdvertisementFido was the First to ArriveDear FWHFAlthough I sympathize with you and your dog, you have to understand the trauma that this family has endured. Although the muzzle and crate may seem excessive and the hours out of sight are too long, can you please take a moment to reconsider their situation? A pit bull can cause the death of a 3-year old boy. I don't know the extent of the bite, but it is easy to see the rational and irrational fear this family faces when pit bulls, or any other dogs, are in their vicinity.What evidence do they have to do this to your dog? This is a pretty damning assumption to make of someone. It also reflects the way dog owners view the rest of the world that doesn't care as much about the animals. Irrational fear of your dog causing harm to their child does not mean they would escalate to violence against him. Your concern gives me cause for concern. Perhaps those were more rude than you thought.AdvertisementAdvertisementYou might have another chance to talk with them. You can explain to them what your dog is going through and how you are trying to help him. You will need to find a compromise that allows the dog to be outside with you, but not seeing the dog. It is important to explain why a crate or muzzle wouldn't work. Remember that Fido may be the first to arrive, but Fido and her parents, who are both traumatized and scared, are still human beings and deserve grace.AdvertisementYou can read Thursday's Care and Feeding column here if you missed it.This column can be discussed in the Slate Parenting Facebook Group!Dear Care and FeedingBoth my parents are introverts and so is my little brother. Their 16-year old daughter is an extrovert. I love to give a presentation at Model U.N. conferences or go to street fairs all day. My family enjoys hiking or doing puzzles inside.AdvertisementAdvertisementRandom panic attacks can also make me feel nauseated, like I have a heavy weight on my chest, my heart beats too fast, and everything around is out of control. Sometimes, panic attacks have caused me to wake up in the middle night and feel like I can't move. I then have to lay there for what seems like forever until they pass. My parents don't believe I have them and want me to go to a psychologist or psychiatrist. My mom believes that panic attacks and anxiety are something only shy or quiet people can experience. She also says that my parents don't believe I have them.AdvertisementAdvertisementExtroverts are often misunderstoodDear MEIt is so hard that you are feeling this way and that your parents are not understanding. I am glad that you didn't allow that to stop you from acknowledging that you are dealing with real issues and that you need support. Your family's reactions are not due to how well you communicate what you are going through. You are doing your best in this moment to resolve the problem.You can tap into your extrovert self by discussing this topic with your family using the same preparation as you would for a Model U.N. speech. You can provide them with information such as these helpful articles on teens and anxiety, a written account about your anxiety or panic attacks, and a list local low-cost therapy resources. Be firm. Be honest with yourself. You can be honest with them about how hard this has been on you. Let them know that you aren't OK and that they need to support you. This column can be sent to them, too. Explain clearly that professionals older than yourself who address larger audiences than school auditoriums are susceptible to anxiety. You can also name some famous people who might resonate with them.AdvertisementAdvertisementIf they don't get it or you are unsure, you can talk to your teacher, guidance counselor or another adult who you trust to listen to you and help you have that conversation. If your parents are not available, you might be able access resources at school that aren't controlled by them. For tips on managing what you are going through, check out this guide from reputable online resources. I hope that your parents hear this sooner than they think. I am sure they will be able to see the value in your writing and understand what anxiety looks like. All the best.AdvertisementListen to Mom and Dad Are Fighting for more Slates parenting coverageDear Care and FeedingWe are unsure if we should have a baby. I'm 37 years old. My husband and me have been married for two years, and we've been together for six. We never planned to have children. We were not surrounded by children until recently because of the fact that our friends and families had never had children. In the past two years, many of our friends have had children. All three of my bridesmaids became pregnant at my wedding. They are my friends and I don't envy them in stressful times. I also don't want to be a mother and work full-time. I value my time alone and my freedom.AdvertisementYet, I'm incredibly stressed about whether or not this decision is right, if it will be my greatest regret or if we will be alone and lonely later in our lives realizing that we made a terrible mistake. Although he is not interested, my husband is open to the idea. Our husband and I both enjoy spending time with our nieces, nephews, and babysitting often. It's not that we don't love children. Please help! This is how we can make it happen! What is the best way to make this decision?To Parent or Not to ParentsDear TPoNtPYour letter doesn't hint that either you or your husband want to become parents. Rather, it seems like you are afraid of regretting a decision that is serving you well in the moment. You and your husband could plan for a life together that is not dominated by children. You have plans that include you enjoying each other's company, and you are prepared for what will happen if either of you needs medical care. What does fulfillment look like when your careers stop being the main focus of your life? Are you happy with the life that you live now? Do you have any evidence that this life won't last you into the future?AdvertisementAdvertisementAdvertisementYou can always reconsider your position. But if you are afraid you will regret it one day, it could be that you are struggling with the reality that you have to make a decision that isnt popular among your family members. Continue to think about this.JamilahSlate has more adviceQ. Q. Before her death, we had discussed the possibility of me taking custody of her children. She chose to be a single mother and was able to afford it. Since Day 1, I have been there for her and watched her children grow up. She considers them my own as well as mine. Because she had been separated from her family for so many years, there was no question about who would take care of them if she became unable.AdvertisementHe had been engaged to me a few months before the accident. But, now that there are children in the picture, he has rescinded the engagement. Although he was always interested in children and expressed an interest in having one, he now says that he doesn't want to take on the responsibility of caring for grieving 5-year olds. Although I was hurt, I agreed with him that if he doesn't feel capable of being a father, then we shouldn't be married. How can I explain to people expecting me to get married in the next nine month that it is not happening?
