Congratulations on your new baby! It doesn't matter if you are ready to raise a child from birth through adulthood. Is it possible to get re-lated?AdvertisementThis might not be the most pressing question for new parents. There are many things going on in their lives. Even though it seems impossible to imagine having sex again after giving birth, sex is still important.Even if you feel unattractive, are leaking milk, wear adult diapers or monitor a crying newborn via the baby cam, you can rekindle the sexual spark. Here's how.Allow yourself to adjust.You probably had sex before you got pregnant. Maybe you planned sack sessions around your ovulation tracker, or simply tried to get it in as many times as possible. You have a baby to keep an eye on, so the frequency at which you actually bang may decrease. However, scheduling your lovemaking can be very helpful.AdvertisementTime off is the first thing that you should plan. Two new mothers shared their post-birth experiences with us. One of them is a nurse, who offered valuable advice and medical support. Both women explained that their partners had to wait six weeks before they allowed their partner to insert anything into their vaginas. It is important to heal. You don't have to do p-insert insertion. But you may not have the energy or time. It's OK to say so. Communicate clearly with your partner if your partner pushes you.The most intense rush of hormones right after birth is something that no one can prepare you for. It was similar to having hot flashes and menopause at the same moment, according to Lexis C., a critical-care nurse who had a one-year old child. For the next three months, my libido was absent. I was too focused on keeping the baby alive that I had just given birth to, and I was also exhausted to even consider having sex with my spouse.Katherine Young, a 29 year-old business owner, said that her child, who is now two years old, helped her and her husband get back into business a bit earlier than doctors suggested.We almost lost the baby three times in 10 days due to fluid in his lungs. She recalled that you are exhausted, your world is broken, everything is blubbery, and youre sore. They advise that you not have sex after six weeks. It was week four, and I felt completely healed. I couldn't wait to have that intimacy with my husband again so we had sex for four weeks. I felt like a rockstar. I felt like a rockstar and was back to my prebaby weight.AdvertisementWhat if you don't feel it?Accept your new body and embrace your feelingsTake care of yourself. Your body is a living organism that created a human being from cells. Organs moved and rearranged to allow this critter grow. Lexis advised that your body won't bounce back in a week. She was surprised by the growth of her breasts after giving birth and bought some lacy lingerie for her and her husband to enjoy together. They don't last forever and you will regret them, she said of her temporarily-expanded boobs.Young said that motherhood changes everything. Our bodies, minds, priorities, and entire lives. It took nine months for you to become a mother. You will never feel the same again. While you may be able to get your pre-baby body or return to your pre-baby weight, your life will never be the same. That is something I believe you should embrace and lean into.These changes are common, but not well-described, says Irene Fehr. She is a sex coach and intimate coach, who has written extensively about the subject. Lifehacker asked her, "We don't normalize what happens for women" (conflict, new responsibilities and hormonal changes, identity shift, hormone shift, mommy brain, body not being hers, etc. It is in that silence that I see women naturally disconnect with their partners. That silence can lead to both partners creating stories about their needs and desires that lead to trouble.AdvertisementAttention Dads! This applies to you too.Young stated that if my husband doesn't marvel at the miracles my body has just performed, then I don't think he is worthy to intimacy from me. Young was asked her advice for couples whose non-birthing partner may not be as interested in post-birth sexuality.Young suggested that you look inward to see if your partner is not attracted to you after giving birth. They were very much in love with you ten months ago. Are you feeling purely emotional or physical disinterest? Talk about it together.Temper your expectationsYoung and Lexis both claimed that they had sexy lives before having babies, but things changed when they became pregnant. Each couple's experience with sex is unique. One example: Lexis experienced no libido in her pregnancy, while Young felt that her unborn baby was present. Young, however, was not as concerned because her husband was still very wild.AdvertisementShe said that the intimacy changed from being a us thing to one where I was taking care of my husband. When I was pregnant, sex felt like something that I could check off my daily list.She noted that she was not only dealing with her physical limitations and concerns about her body, but also mental hangups after having the baby. Emotional changes can be normal. You don't have to feel guilty about them. However, you should understand that your partner might change the way you look at you once you have children. Young saw her husband in some moments as a super-dad, but she also felt that she was being less helpful than he was.Your life became more hectic. You have another human all day. She said that there are still resentments. My husband is the default parent in our home. I would be the one who resents him because he would sleep well and get sex all night. I would then be the one in the trenches and awake, with sex the furthest thing from me mind. It was not attractive to me that he didn't do his fair share of the responsibilities.Here communication is key. Young and her husband did that together. Communication and teamwork are essential if you want to co-parent your child. Add sex to that list.AdvertisementAfter settling their shared parenting issues, they were able to get back to work but not as often as before they became parents.Lexis agreed and said, "Be honest with your partner." If you don't help them understand, they won't be able to feel or understand your feelings. If you are struggling, seek help.It is important to be aware that emotions and body changes can cause emotional turmoil. Your mind and body may also be affected by the baby. You might not be able to go back to your baby-making routine.Many people compare themselves to the woman they were before having a baby and see a broken woman. She carries the burden of this guilt silently and tries to solve it on her own. Fehr pointed out that this problem does not only affect heterosexual couples but also any couple where one has given birth while the other has not.AdvertisementYoung and Lexis agree with her advice: Communicate. A silent killer of relationships is resentment about household chores, lack of sex, and other issues.She said that if you haven't spoken to each other about the topic in a while, there may be resentments. It is possible to feel resentful from not feeling heard, understood, or important for a long time. It is important to approach the conversation from a place that understands and has compassion for each other.Prioritize sex and yourselfParenting is an extremely selfless act. It might even be the most selfless act. It's not selfish, but you know the truth: You can't pour from an empty glass. Still, you need to be able to give your best, prioritize your relationships, live a full and fulfilling life and ensure that youre doing well.Young stated that I am not against scheduling sex, but if it is what you need to do to get back on your horse, then go for it. Take 20 minutes each week to do this and then get on with the business of getting sex. Endorphins can improve your moods, and will help you feel connected and happy. This is the best gift you could give your child: Happy connected parents.AdvertisementLexis spoke of ultrasound therapy as a way to reduce her swelling. She also recommended speaking to a doula to discuss any concerns you have about the birth and your experience afterward. Changes in the way you sex should not be a concern. She said that if you haven't used lubricant in the past but feel your body has changed after having a baby, her best advice was to get over it and purchase the lube.Don't make excuses. Your partner is your partner. You are important enough to them to have a child together. Lifestyle and bodily changes won't change that. Get back in bed when you are ready.Fehr suggested that you set aside time for pleasure, and not just sexual pleasure. Fehr suggested taking a bubble bath, going for a long, peaceful walk, and other self-care methods.Fehr stated that this allows women to feel more in control of their lives and find their grounding. This is a way for her to take control of her life, and not be a conduit for others.AdvertisementFor a moment, think about that: You are more than a vehicle for others.You will be dependent on your new baby for a long time. Therefore, you must make sure you have enough space to yourself sexually and physically. Young believed that sex was an act of love during pregnancy. But, after the birth, sex becomes a service to the baby. Both partners will be fulfilled and happy if they communicate well and rekindle their mutually satisfying intimacy. There is a lot of work ahead of you and you will need to enjoy every moment.
