Thank you for your support. I was just trying to find out if the posts after retirement are worthwhile. The answer was very clear.Some of the responses were touching, I'll admit. Some people shared how they read the posts aloud with their wives at night. Others forward material to their children. One nice guy even offered to pay me to keep going. Thank you again for such kind emails. It was all I was asking. We are grateful for your time.I know that I am not able to cure cancer. As long as I have the time and energy, I'll continue to see my doctor once per month. Let's get on with it. A few administrative notes before we move on to the July postThis month, MileNerd's email service will stop working. On the right sidebar, MileNerd.com, I have added a link (from an entirely new email service). It should be possible to subscribe starting today. I'm not tech-savvy so if there are any issues with the new provider, I will fix them next month. You can resubscribe to MileNerd email through the new link, but no MileNerd emails.A few of you asked for a points and miles post. One day, I may add one. I'm very far from blogging about this hobby. These posts are to keep in touch with old friends each month.I think Im done with updating the credit card list. Since 2 years, the edits have been very irregular. It's not clear if it has any purpose. It's no longer a mileage and points blogger.Some of you pointed out that I did not reply to your question 2 years ago regarding membership in a group. I am sorry. I was overwhelmed with emails and finally stopped responding to them. The original idea was changed. Let me know if you are interested in joining a small, work-focused team. This is basically a part-time job looking for deals.Final thoughts: My initial goal with my monthly postretirement entries was not to be boring. Sometimes, I just post a picture with a caption and a description from a trip. The next month, I might write a review about my favorite pizza slice. These posts have all become longer over the past 2 years. They are great! It's possible that I will mix and match things in the future. Each month, I will post something. It may be different.Despite that, I was motivated to do so this month. I was touched by your avalanche emails. I will share a story that I briefly shared. Today's version is better and more complete. It's a tale from my past. I hope you enjoy.School DazeDo you remember the first day of highschool?The feeling in your stomach?The bell rang. I entered the 10th-grade ring (I'm referring to the room) with great caution. This is how you do it when you're part boy and part string bean. My dream of becoming a ladyman was not possible. There were many other things I could do. I could claim my rightful place as the king and queen of awkwardness. It seemed like the right time to get out with someone you care about. However, I was faced with many obstacles. These were:My fancy new contacts have a flip side. No more bulky glasses to conceal the schnoz. It's a rather unimpressive physique. I am a friendly neighborhood crackhead. I have complete and total ignorance about how cool it is. There were Luke Perry sexy whisper men everywhere, and then there was me. With my loud voice and peach fuzz moustache I seemed destined to play the spazzy guy in row back.That's where I sat. As the cranky teacher began to roll, I waited nervously. It was as simple as saying here, but I was at a 99% risk of my voice cracking while speaking. What was the deal? I glanced down at the Guess jeans that my mom bought for the first class of the semester and instantly shook my head. I was already a clown for not having taken off the price tag when I entered the building. Dammit.The list was nearing its end when a cranky teacher appeared. It was almost a screamer. Then, out of nowhereThis is the most bizarre thing in the world.Kelley, a person named Kelley, responded to her name being called. I had seen the pretty girls from town, but this was different. She laughed and threw her hair down, laughing at nothing. It felt almost like fairy dust was falling on the room. This girl jumped straight from a high school movie sequence. This was the HELL!As a pimple-faced child tapped my shoulder, my jaw remained on the ground.Evidently, a cranky teacher called my nameOkay, this is not the time to be nervous. You need to be calm, dummy. You must make a good impression on Kelley. As soon as the cranky teacher called me again, I interrupted.Sorry, I did not hear you. It's because Studman is my most common name.Let me tell yaThat's the highest level one can achieve in comedy, according to 10th grade. My laughter was infectious and I received a few high-fives. Studman was a name that I would be forever known by for the next three years. It was even written that way on my Blockbuster Video Card.I was standing right next to the hair-tying, giggling goddess when the bell rang. She was unnerved on her first day at school in a new city. This is amazing! Just because she was staring at me, I felt panic attack start. She smiled so warmly that it was almost melted ice and then she saidYou are funny.High school was an incredible start.JuniorsKelley and me became close friends in 11th grade.Of course, she was with the football captain.On the other hand I enjoyed jam-packed weekends of Pop Tarts and video games.As the Lord of Anxiety, I had found my rightful place as a pod person who is funny and sensitive. Each morning, I drove her to school. We spoke about almost everything. I couldn't express the feelings in my heart. However, I couldn't stop thinking about the person sitting just inches from me. I think she thought of the 15-minute drives as transportation, but they were always the highlight my day.SeniorsIn 12th grade, she was my gay best friend.Is it thrilling? Yes.Daily torture? This too.It was common to pick up the telephone and hear Kelley laughing anticipating what I would say. She was funny, unique, and very kind. She didn't have one negative thing about her. She cared more than any other student about me. It was important to her. It was important to her.It was an honor to be the guy who can cry on my shoulder, but I could do so much more. There wouldn't be any reason for me to cry. Is it possible to express such emotions? It might be easier to climb Mount Everest.One of our last trips to school was the day I can still remember. It was a white, new dress. This was the first time I had ever seen a girl take my breath away. It was amazing to see how beautiful she was. Although she never wore such clothes, we were able to attend a lot of pre-graduation ceremonies. My voice became unbearably loud, and I suggested that we dance at prom together if there was time.(I couldn't express my true feelings.Early CollegeKelley moved north to Indiana after graduating. Only a few states away. Although the opposite sex was more prominent in my life, she still remained a constant presence in my thoughts. Regularly, I received her letters and postcards. She dropped everything to go down to visit me on the weekends.Perhaps it was my growing confidence or the hypnotic combination of beer and music, but our time together seemed to have an entirely different magic. You are no longer a sprightly pod who dreams of the impossible. These moments were special for us both. Is that what I imagined? Could I have strayed into arrogance? She was just waiting for me to do or say something. But, please. Please. Please.We took in all that was offered and then returned to college.Late CollegeWith some friends, I planned a road trip to Chicago when Michael Jordan retired from baseball. It was a privilege to witness that man in action. A special bonus was included when you drove to the Windy City. Indiana was a beautiful state. Kelley asked me if she would be interested in joining us on our adventure. Before I could finish, she shrieked in delight.We arrived in Chicago with so little money that we couldn't afford to buy tickets. It wasn't the usual way. I approached a frightening-looking scalper and gave him some money. Please, Sir. Anything that keeps us inside. He slid an envelope into my chest with his tattooed hand and waved me off.You're a serial killer! Yes!We were seated. It was kinda. Technically, they were passes to line up in a standing room zone just behind the last row. The United Center was a great place to be. We watched the greatest player of all time, and we sat there. Wow. Wow.Then it occurred to me, that maybe I was the exact opposite of MJ. A person who isn't afraid to put himself out there. I became frustrated with myself as we left the arena. We were drinking, laughing, and walking through Chicago. My problem was so obvious. Why didn't I just let my heart open? It was getting late. Because we couldn't afford luxury, we all slept in the same room at the hotel. Kelley and me had to share one bed. We spoke for hours into the night. One point she glanced softly at me and I immediately rolled over.As I drifted off, a question lingered in the back of my mind.Do I look like Michael Jordan?Post-CollegeAlthough we still communicate almost daily, Kelley was already seeing someone. It was serious. It was a surprise to me that he would call and ask me to marry him.(Well done, King of Incontinence. It was officially lost.It turns out that the marriage was a failure from the beginning. More a product of youth than anything. This is a difficult situation. Kelley became more fragile over the months. Despite this, she was warm and friendly when we called her. It was then that I understood the importance of our friendship. It wasn't just for me. It came pouring out from her one day. She replied:Although you may have many friends, I can honestly say that you are the best friend I've ever had. Your support has been invaluable. You are able to tell me everything about me, both good and bad. What amazes me most is that you don't judge me. You are aware of all the horrible things I have done, but you still love me. How can you possibly put up with me, honestly?I responded as a modern-day Shakespeare with:So I do take a lot of drugs.It's a fact that I didn't know what she was talking about. She was kind and never did anything wrong. Her sunny personality began to dimming for the first time. She was clearly in pain. She explained to her that her marriage was over after a few more months. It was a significant loss. I tried to be a friend. We both live alone now so there were many phone calls every day. We discussed a lot of different topics. We also discussed regret. Both of us wondered what our lives would have been like if she hadn't moved north to school. I knew that I wanted to add more. But Halleys Comet would be there faster than I could say it. She finally asked the question herself.How would you describe a kiss? I'm just curious.It's possible I don't recall how I answered this question. I think my head may have fallen off my body, and my head was frozen to protect me. The rest of the conversation is a blurred memory, I'm not sure.Kelley became increasingly sad over the next few months. This was far from Kelley's natural state. I tried to make her laugh. I tried to make her laugh. She was as concerned about my happiness as I was about hers. Both of us were a little lost in the world. These phone calls were like a cup of soup in the midst of a storm. It was the end of her marriage. There was nothing left but paperwork. She needed a weekend getaway. She needed something non-depressing that would help her feel normal again. After weeks of discussion, we finally agreed to meet up.It is easy to forget how young you were. It was 10 years ago that I drove into that random Kentucky town. We met at a mini-golf course in the area. She had lost weight. She looked just as awkward and shocked as I was. It was impossible for me to believe that it was possible. In all the years we have lived with her, I've never seen that from her. Oh, man. Perhaps we could just have a beer and chat? I asked a mini-golfer for directions to the nearest pub, but he said that this was not a dry area. I live my whole life knowing that dry counties exist, but now I am in one. What is your opinion?Keep it together, man. Keep your eyes on Kelley. You are your best friend and you need to be normal right now. All I had to do was gaze at her. I saw the pain in her eyes, where there was once joy. So I did the most natural thing. I tried to make her laugh. I managed to get a few smiles out, followed by some giggles and the day turned into something fun again. We settled into our old rhythm. We talked for hours. When we got back to the hotel I had almost forgotten all about it. It was panic attack time. As she went to the bathroom, I looked out of the window.Warning: The most pathetic thing that your ears will hear is what I'm about to sayIt was a nuclear bomb that elicited fear. My brain thought it was impossible. But in reality, I don't know if this is what will happen. My thoughts went into overdrive. Even though my marriage was over, there is still paperwork to sign. It's true that I freaked out. Since 10th grade, I had been obsessed with her. Within seconds, I decided that I shouldn't be there. I went to the bathroom while she was there.I got out my bag and went downstairs to get in my car.(Yes, that is correct)Those were the days of car phones. My car phone rang when I was driving on the highway. Kelley wanted to know where I was because it probably didn't occur to me that I drove out Kentucky while she was in her bathroom. It's possible to justify it in many different ways. The truth is, I took the easy route. I'm not sure what I said on that phone call. However, I do know that I never said anything other than Im scared.She was clearly hurt. It was me who caused it this time. It's hard to imagine how many people could forgive such a thing, but she was kind and understanding in that moment. She thanked me for coming.As I drove along the twisting highway, something suddenly made sense. I am the most miserable person alive. I was exhausted from that realization, which came on top of the whole day. After an hour of driving, I fell asleep behind the wheel.(Whether or not you believe the next part, I will stand by it as truth.Just as I fell asleepliterally, I ran out of gas. Yes, that is how it sounds. It happened. It jerked my car for some reason. Instead of driving on the mountain highway, I snapped awake as I drifted off my lane.I managed to climb down the hill to get to the closest exit and into a gas station.There is no explanation. I have no clue. That's exactly what happened. My car should have left that highway without me in it. It didn't.Beyond logic, Kelly still cared for me after that day.Final ChapterAs we reached our 20s, the years continued to march on. Her voice was always there, and it wasn't often that we didn't hear her voice. We laughed about everything, even my Kentucky mad dash. We were close as ever. We shared the ups and lows of work, dating, life. We were both getting older. She said it out of the blue:I want to express my gratitude to you for being a part of my life. You are so amazing and I can't thank you enough. Your always available to listen. Today, I thought about all the times I have called you to cry over God knows what. I'm so sensitive, I can cry over a hangnail. No matter how ridiculous my problem was, you listened attentively and made me feel better.It amazes me, even though I believe I am as happy as possible when I call you on the telephone, I find that I'm twice as happy now as I was in the past. Despite all the changes I've experienced over the past five years, you have been my only constant. I am so glad to have you as a friend. Just wanted to let you know.Surprisingly, I began to express my feelings. Of course, it was a clunky/oafish manner. But I did speak the words. We met again. I finally kissed her after a decade of claiming to be the Studman.It was quite a ride to get there. It was so important for us both. If you believe this story is about two people coming together, you may not be seeing the whole picture. Let me tell you.Both of us wanted to show our love for one another by that time. It was so long. We weren't even kids anymore. It is not possible for deep friendships to become romantic. It was obvious quickly. The bond remained strong.Another decade has gone by. I am grateful for all those who have helped me grow. Kelley was the most important person from those years. We moved on to great relationships. We were able to help each other along the way. I was greatly helped by her presence during those years.In years, I haven't heard her voice. One of my last encounters was when I felt the need to check in. So I did. He was a sweetheart. They just discovered they were pregnant. Hadn't told their families yet. This was a very important moment in her life, and I knew that I had to help. We were both thrilled to have one more phone call together.Our pasts will always be with us. Sometimes we can see the good parts of our pasts and remove the negative. Or, we try to make it something that it wasn't. In reality, I was blessed with a wonderful friend during my formative years. Our friendship was not perfect and I was sometimes hilariously young. I was supported by someone. A person who believed I was amazing, even though my mom wasn't there to support it.My youth was filled with wonder and endless hours spent wondering what we could become. That was not the point. We were special because of our uniqueness. It is so clear when I look back. A true friend was my best friend. Someone who taught me to be open to others as well as myself. I am forever grateful. It is not always easy to see the importance of someone in our lives. Maybe we didn't know at the time.
