Jene Desmond Harris is available weekly to chat live online with readers. This is an edited transcript from this week's chat.Q. Q. A co-worker at my day job recently came up to me and said she had seen my adult work online. If I began doing sexual favors for my boss, she said that she would expose me. I don't want to lose my job. What should I do next?AdvertisementA: Option 1 - Lie to her and tell the boss that you panicked, that you came clean to your boss, that you laughed at her being a prude, that you are deeply concerned about her sexual predatory behavior, and that you are going to give it a chance before you take any action.AdvertisementAdvertisementOption 2: I'm not a lawyer so this is not legal advice. However, I can do a lot of Googling. I found this FBI website which defines sextortion. It is when someone threatens you with distributing your private and sensitive material, if they don't provide images of a sexual nature or sexual favors or money. It's worth it. Send the link to your coworker. Let her know that you have contacted authorities. Also, let her know that you will not be the only one without work if she goes to her boss.AdvertisementPrudie's Advice:Questions for publication? Send them here. (Questions can be edited.Live chat Mondays at 12 noon You can submit your questions or comments before or during the chat.Q. Q. My second bedroom serves as my office. I also have a sleeper couch in that room. It is comfortable enough to sleep on and I am willing to give up my bed when my parents come.AdvertisementKay, my sister, is engaged to a man with three children. Kay is having trouble with her future role as stepmom so she offered to bribe the children a trip to my city. Kay asked me to let her stay for a weekend. However, I said she should not expect me to be a tour guide or cook. Kay also requested two mattresses.AdvertisementKay said that I should sleep in my workplace so her boyfriend and she could have privacy. Or, let them sleep in mine while they camp out. This doesn't work as my workplace has security measures. I have 3 a.m. meetings sometimes, and I refuse to give up my bed. What can I do?A: Hi Kay. You are still welcome to visit, but please remember to bring your own mattresses as I will be sleeping in my bedroom and the office is not available to guests. You might be able to find a hotel so we can meet up again over the weekend. Please let me know.AdvertisementQ. Q. He is a captain and I am a flight attendant. My mom and sister are very important to me, and I talk to them daily on video. My husband fights with me every week. He says I don't give him enough time. This whole thing will take time and I don't understand it. I'm tired of fighting every day and explaining why my sister or mother called me. I started to lie about talking with them. What can I do? This behavior is toxic to me and drains my energy.AdvertisementAdvertisementA: It is toxic and I'm not surprised it drains your energy. It's as if he thinks you are spending weekends in Vegas with your friends when in reality, you are just keeping in touch with your loved ones. It is alarming to think that he would like to cut you off from your loved ones.You mentioned that you only had known him for six months before you got married. Part of you knows that you made a commitment too quickly and didn't get to know him. This mistake can be reversed. You don't have to be married forever. Talk to your sister and mom about the situation and get their opinions.Counselling is available if you are really determined to work on your problems. While you should give it your best effort, I would advise against having children. You will feel more stuck and likely be less controllable. You should never let him stop you from speaking to people who have known and cared about you for more than half a decade.AdvertisementQ. Q. My 21-year old stepson was recently drunk and revealed some details that I cannot believe. Vineta, his mother, had apparently cheated my partner by posting a picture of a young woman to her Facebook page. My partner and he connected over text. He shared how unhappy he was in their relationship and how he felt an immediate connection. He invited her to stay in his hotel room. My partner was not pleased and eventually discovered the truth about his ex-wife's catfishing.AdvertisementIt was shocking to me that he was willing to cheat. I thought I had a loyal partner with whom I could build my future. I am devastated. I don't know him and can't trust him. I believe I am hiding the truth and am afraid to admit it.AdvertisementYour perspective is important. My partner will not change and will blame me for being in an unhappy relationship. Although I had suggested to him that flirting was inappropriate, he said he enjoys a joke. I was never taken seriously by him and he avoided all conversation.A: It doesn't matter what Vineta did to your stepson or about Vineta catfishing. The sentence you wrote has all the answers: He won't change and will blame me for being in an abusive relationship.You said it, but I didn't. He is stubborn, defensive and doesn't consider your relationship to be loveless.AdvertisementYou gave yourself second-rate advice when you said, "I think I am in denial" and were afraid to face the truth.AdvertisementAdvertisementEven the most difficult relationships can be hard to let go. There isn't much to fight for, and it is important to listen to that part of you that already knows this.Receive Dear Prudence directly to your inbox Please try again. To use this form, please enable jаvascript. Email address: I would like to receive updates on Slate special offers. You agree to our Privacy Policy & Terms by signing up. Thank you for signing up! You can cancel your subscription at any time.Q: Introverted, annoyed and engaged: I got married more than five years back. Because I don't like being the center of attention, I didn't tell anyone about my plans to get married except for my best friend. I figured people would discover after it had happened anyway. My dad asked me if I would allow him to post pictures from the engagement dinner on Facebook. Since it wasn't too important to me, I said yes. One of my cousins was unhappy that I didn't tell her about the engagement prior to it happening and suggested that she find out about it online. Although it has been many years, she still feels angry about the situation. I don't feel guilty about the decision I made, nor should I apologize. I wish she would let it go. Is there a way to respond when she brings it up again?AdvertisementAdvertisementA: [Cousins Name], I love and miss you, but I am shocked that you are still thinking about the way I announced my engagement years later. It was the right decision for me. I won't apologize for it. I'll give you three minutes to talk about the incident. I will listen to your thoughts and help you get your emotions out. However, after that, it won't be discussed again. Get ready to goQ. Q. The letter writer should've had a plan in place for when the side gig was discovered. Perhaps the boss or the rest of office know. It is also a good idea to review the company's policies regarding outside employment. Employers often require employees to disclose any outside employment in order to avoid conflict-of-interest situations.AdvertisementA: That's a good point. A: The letter writer should look into this and remember it if they are offered another job.Q. Q. The husband is a pilot and the wife works on a ship. This means that they spend less time together than a 9-5 office couple. In addition, the letter writer calls various family members only a few times per day. The letter writer is absent. While it is fine to contact your family, it is not okay to ignore your marriage in order to make a third call with your sister within one day.AdvertisementA: It is important to allow your loved ones to communicate in peace. Some people might speak three times per day while others might talk three times per year. However, married couples should be on the exact same page or close to each other. This situation, which is clearly making the writer very unhappy, is not going to make them happy.AdvertisementJene Desmond Harris: That's it for today! Thank you for all your questions. Don't demand money from your siblings or sexual favors from co-workers. Have a wonderful week!Click here to see Part 1 of this week's chat.Talk about this column on our Facebook Page!Care and feedingTwo children live next to us, aged 6 and 9. They have severe boundary issues and we don't know how to handle them. They come into our home and knock on the door, asking for food or drinks, and then ask me to give them money or toys. They are always firm with us, telling them that they can't come into our house without knocking, or That you can't have our dinner or that we have to go to the kitchen. Sometimes they even try to steal my money or dig through my son's toys while I am telling them to stop. It's a constant struggle.
