It's something our advice columnists have heard many times over the years. Every Sunday, we dig into Dear Prudie's archives to share a selection classic letters with our readers. For even more advice columns, join Slate Plus. Your first month costs only $1Dear PrudenceMy wife had ordered a piece of art for me to mark a significant birthday. He is a cousin, who is an artist in mixed media. He has a strong regional reputation. Although I deeply admire his work and love him, I never fully understood it. He collages found and recycled materials together. It was shocking to learn that I find the portrait very unflattering. It was shocking to me that my cousin had seen me in this manner. It is also a very ugly collage. Friends who have seen it said that they were shocked to see me this way. Although I feel I have shown gratitude and appreciation for the gift, I'm not sure how I will live with it in my home. It is hung in a prominent spot by my wife, where I spend many hours each day. I don't know how to begin the conversation. A gallery has reached out to me asking if the piece could be included in an upcoming show. This public portrayal of me would be unacceptable. This is a terrible mess.AdvertisementAdvertisementAdvertisementIt's a good thing your cousin wasn't Lucien Freud and Francis Bacon. The portrait of you would be worth millions if your cousin was Lucien Freud or Francis Bacon. First, you claim that you don't get your cousins work. This I take to mean that he does portraits that aren't conventional or flattering. Accept that he doesn't view you as an object to be ridiculed, but rather uses you as a canvas for his artistic vision. The new twist on the exhibition is a blessing in disguise. It allows you to temporarily remove the wrinkled mess that is supposed to be you from the house. You don't have to worry that others will believe this is a true representation of you. It is important to go to the gallery opening with a lot of photos taken next to you. This will make you appear young, slim, and happy. You might be lucky enough to have someone insist on buying the painting. If this happens, you will need to convince your wife to let go. If you do take the canvas home, let your wife know that no matter how thoughtful and sincere the gift was, you will feel the need to lose 50 pounds every time you pass the portrait. Ask if you could move the canvas to the guest bedroom so it is not a constant reminder of your daily activities. This will also mean that guests who are considering staying over will not be able to see it and will feel miserable. Emily YoffeAdvertisementSource: Help! My wife commissioned a gruesome portrait of me (March 18, 2014).Dear PrudenceFor about a year and half, I have been with the love of my lives. About half of his time was spent in graduate school, while the other half was spent searching for work in his field. He is currently working in a low-paying position that leaves him below poverty line and makes it difficult to pay his student loans or credit card debts.Problem? The problem? He got a job offer from 1,300 miles away. This is his dream job. The pay is excellent and the position is very prestigious. Although he doesn't want to move, he is happy in the place he lives in, and he still loves me. However, this offer seems almost too good to be true. This is the job that I love, and it's my top choice profession. I love going to work every day. I would likely continue this job even if the lottery won tomorrow.AdvertisementShould I go to his new city to look for work, which is far more expensive than my current one, and should I try to find long-distance work? It is impossible to find a plan that would allow us both to return to the same place without one of us leaving a job that we love. I don't want to be single for 90 percent of the day and I want to start a family fairly soon. Do I ask him to reconsider accepting the job? Or should I accept the fact that we may not be able to be together? Does love suffice?AdvertisementIf your boyfriend works in a field that offers such opportunities, please don't ask him to turn down a job. If you aren't willing to move with your boyfriend and you don't want to be together for a long time, then it is okay to part ways. But, he shouldn't be asked to turn down a job that could help him get out of debt. Danny M. LaveryAdvertisementFrom: Help! My Dream Job is in Another City and my Boyfriend's Dream Job is Here. What now? (Aug. 15, 2016,Dear PrudenceMy wife died eight months ago. I'm finally beginning to believe that I may not die. Our marriage lasted just over 10 years. She had two children from an earlier marriage, who are now grown. Although we did not have children together, I was privileged to be a part of her lives. Her son lives in another part of the country. Her daughter lives close to me and has been a constant companion during my grief, spending most Sundays at mine since the passing of her mother. My wife was considerably older than me and my stepdaughter, five years younger, is just five years younger than me. As we were about to go to dinner, she said she had begun to feel romantic feelings for me this weekend. Although she is young and attractive, she is also college educated. I'm not ready to have anything even remotely intimate with her. I cannot describe the overwhelming emotions that overwhelmed me: fear and desperation, shame, exhilaration, and shame. This is the worst. She left shortly after the dinner, citing that it was too awkward. What should I do? Since then, I have been trying to avoid her.AdvertisementAdvertisementIt must have been strange for your stepdaughter that a young man less than her age came into her life to be her stepfather. I'm sure her friends were fascinated and speculated about this. Her mother died, and then all her forbidden thoughts about you throughout the years seemed normal. The father-daughter relationship you had for 10 years was a mutual one. This is all you need to know to understand the taboo you have been keeping you from ever having a real relationship with her. You are ready to return to the living after months of despair. You are greeted by a beautiful woman who is expressing her love for you. She may be younger than the one you lost. Your autonomic nervous system went into alert to warn you about the danger ahead. You can understand that you felt a little bit of excitement despite your negative emotions. You have to squash it. It would have been better for you to make it clear at dinner that you were not going to be able to get along with her. You now need to address what she said clearly and decisively. Talk to her about how you have both leaned on one another because of your loss which naturally made you closer. You were married to her mother, so you can't have a romantic relationship. You can say that you are both adults and that you will continue to care for each other but not in a way that hurts the memory of the woman that you loved. E.Y.AdvertisementAdvertisementAdvertisementFrom: Help! My Stepdaughter Made a Deal with Me after My Wife Perished (April 5, 2012).Dear PrudenceI am a single woman having an affair for more than three years with a married man. For the past year, he has been living far away. Recently, he told me that he wants me slowly to move on. Although I'm devastated, this question isn't about me. He says he is only staying in the marriage because it is safe, secure, and sexy. He has become completely disillusioned with his miserable life. He needs to seek marriage counseling and be honest with his wife about our relationship. This is not sustainable for the three of us. I worry that he may turn to another woman or, worse, alcohol, drugs, and prostitutes if/when I'm gone. I love him and want him to be happy. What can I do to help him?AdvertisementThere is so much you can do, I don't know. You are right. If he really wants to keep his marriage intact, it is better to be honest and make an effort to reconnect with his wife, even if only as a loving and respectful co-parent. If he prefers to live in a tower of martyrdom, you won't be able to do much. You know that if he came out to his wife, it would likely lead to the end of their marriage. Your boyfriend's only options for ending your relationship are drug addiction and despair. You have the power to make other choices. Let him. D.L.AdvertisementSource: Help! Help!Dear Prudence: MoreA few months back, I met a nice guy at a party of friends. We became friends and began dating. He is smart, funny, and sweet. I can see that he loves me and that I am beginning to feel the same. Both of us are well past 40 years old. I googled his name on a whim and found a news story with a photo of him. It described his arrest in 2008 for soliciting a teenage girl via the Internet for sex. The outcome of his case was not mentioned and he isn't listed anywhere on the sex offenders registry. His son is now living with his mother and he is divorcing. I do not have any children. He seems very happy to be with me, even though the physical aspect of our relationship is great. Should I bring it up? Or should it be kept in the past where he seems to want. Should I give him to my friends who have no young children? What can I do to unlearn the wonderful things I learned about him?
