Alright, everyone, hold on tight to the edge of your seats because it's time to watch the shit out of some documentaries. Clear a few weeks off work, take out the loan you need to get an extra-loud subwoofer for your home theater system, and clear the kids out of the house because all the Burns you can handle is available for streaming next Tuesday.

According to IndieWire, PBS is adding "nearly 900 hours of programming, including the complete filmography" of Ken Burns through an Amazon Prime Video PBS Documentaries add-on channel and PBS Passport on August 4th. Throw your John Wick Blu-Rays directly in the trash, because it's time to experience the high-octane thrills of multi-hour documentary episodes that explore the intricacies of American politics and culture.

You want a pulse-pounding roller coaster ride through the history of America's national parks? You got it. Are you ready to have your brain explode right out of your cranium with meticulously detailed studies on , the Roosevelts, and prohibition? It's all here. Just try to keep your eyes from popping out of their sockets as Burns gives you dozens of hours on the profoundly miserable economic, social, and political circumstances that gave us the Civil War and Vietnam War.

As you're soaking in all of this detailed American history, remember to regularly check your blood pressure, pick your jaw up off the floor, and try not to shout so loud that you miss crucial lines of sober narration delivered over slow, steady pans across old photographs. The theaters may be closed, but summer blockbusters are back, baby, sizzling so hot you've gotta be careful not to get Burns-ed.

Send Great Job, Internet tips to gji@theonion.com

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