Trump's new favorite COVID-19 doctor also has thoughts on demon sperm
Despite evidence to the contrary, many American politicians and business owners are still convinced it's a good time to continue "reopening" the country, citing things like "red-blooded patriotism" and "hey, some of us are just gonna get sacrificed at the altar of Dow Jones and we have to accept that." Of course, these explanations are being continuously touted by the government's highest echelons, including President Trump himself.
And, well, his distaste for Dr. Fauci having been well-documented, it appears our president's latest endorsement on pandemic expertise is a strip mall pediatrician/minister in Houston who still claims anti-malarial drug hydroxychloroquine is a proven cure for COVID-19 (), ovarian cysts can be caused by dream-sex with witches and demons, and that government scientists are splicing alien DNA into mystery vaccines.
These revelations come via Will Sommer at , who dug deep into the career of Dr. Stella Immanuel after a video of her at a COVID-19 misinformation rally in Washington, D.C. went wildly viral this week.
"Hello, you don't need a mask. There is a cure," she says in the clip, which has since been deleted by Facebook, YouTube, and Twitter.
Still, Immanuel's already racked up endorsements from people like Donald Trump Jr., MAGA hucksters Diamond & Silk, and Papa Trump himself. It just so happens that even the slightest bit of vetting for Dr. Immanuel reveals a whole lot of opinions on our reptilian overlords, possessed Magic 8-Balls, and "astral sex." She also, apparently, blames ailments such as fibroids and cysts on "demonic sperm after demon dream sex."
"They turn into a woman and then they sleep with the man and collect his sperm," Immanuel is reported as saying in a 2013 sermon. "Then they turn into the man and they sleep with a man and deposit the sperm and reproduce more of themselves."
And now, in the wake of the video's deletion on Facebook, she's claiming that Jesus will destroy Zuckerberg's website if they don't reinstate her videos. Somebody better tell him when he gets back from the beach.
Also of note? As of this morning, Twitter also temporarily limited some of Don Jr.'s account features for spreading the videos, and hell, we'll take any break from that hair-gelled jackal right now, no matter how "temporary."
All of this, of course, is the exact opposite of surprising, given the entirety of Trump's past and present presidential cabinet picks, his Righteous Gemstones-esque spiritual adviser, his former B-movie actress-turned-ambassador to Denmark, and his-look, do we really have to list anything else? It's only Tuesday, it's goddamn ridiculous, and we are exhausted. But still, you're going to want to read the piece in full.Send Great Job, Internet tips to firstname.lastname@example.org