The National Championship of Social Distancing

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Among the many disappointments of this pandemic spring has been the disappearance of the NCAA national championship. For the first March in decades, America is suffering an acute bracket shortage. While our college basketball players sit at home, our nation's gamblers, bracketologists, and procrastinators have little to occupy their minds. "March Madness" now describes our collective emotional state, rather than a glorious national distraction.

Slate to the rescue! Welcome to the National Championship of Social Distancing. Over the next few days, 64 competitors will battle it out to see which of our new quarantine-based preoccupations will reign supreme. What's the best work-at-home activity, not changing out of your pajamas all day or getting interrupted by your pet during a video call? How are we panicking these days-by stress-eating or hoarding toilet paper? In our Family Regional, can anything defeat No. 1 seed unlimited screen time?

Visit @Slate on Twitter to vote on each matchup. We'll update results all week, with our Final Four scheduled for Friday afternoon. Play along! Compete with your friends! Do not engage in high-fives!

Round 1

Family Regional

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Work Regional

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Leisure Regional

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Panicking Regional

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No. 3 Refusing to get out of bed
vs.
No. 14 Spying on neighbors like in Rear Window

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Round 2

Family Regional

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No. 7 Online learning
vs.
No. 2 Yelling

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Work Regional

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Leisure Regional

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Leisure Regional, Round 2:

#16 SCROLLING THROUGH TWITTER
vs.
#8 SEX WITH PARTNER

(oh this one is GOOD 👀)

- Slate (@Slate) March 19, 2020

No. 5 Video games
vs.
No. 13 Trying to read a book

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Panicking Regional

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The Sweet 16

Family Regional

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Work Regional

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Leisure Regional

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Panicking Regional

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The Elite Eight

Family Regional Final

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Work Regional Final

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Leisure Regional Final

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Panicking Regional Final

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The Final Four

Family vs. Work

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FINAL FOUR!

Work Regional champion:
#5 NOT CHANGING OUT OF PAJAMAS ALL DAY
vs.
Family Regional champion:
#1 UNLIMITED SCREEN TIME

- Slate (@Slate) March 20, 2020

Leisure vs. Panicking

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FINAL FOUR!

Leisure Regional champion:
#16 SCROLLING THROUGH TWITTER
vs.
Panicking Regional champion:
#10 YELLING AT THE PRESIDENT

- Slate (@Slate) March 20, 2020

CHAMPIONSHIP GAME

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It's the 🎸FINAL COUNTDOWN🎸

Which quarantine activity is the best of them all-wearing pajamas, or checking Twitter? Vote now! https://t.co/DRxkOHYCwp

CHAMPIONSHIP GAME:

#5 NOT CHANGING OUT OF PAJAMAS ALL DAY
vs.
#16 SCROLLING THROUGH TWITTER

- Slate (@Slate) March 20, 2020

Champion: No. 5 Not changing out of pajamas all day.

Thanks to all who participated in this year's inaugural-and hopefully final-National Championship of Social Distancing.