The Washington Commanders have been a part of the National Football League for 90 years. The others are the Jets, Giants, and Packers. The Commanders started a fan vote for a new mascot and in September they narrowed the field to a hog or dog.
The hog was the winner of the popular vote. The Commanders' offensive line of the 1980s inspired a devoted sect of cross-dressing fans called the Hogettes to wear pig snout masks and adorn garden party hats every week for thirty years.
Major Tuddy was introduced to their fan base on Sunday. Major Tuddy is a reminder of a time before the Commanders collapsed.
The current state of the Commanders is depicted by a hog in a helmet. The office environment is so bad that the DC attorney general has filed a lawsuit. A process server is a better mascot.
There's a hog looking at you. The man is too happy. Tuddy seems oblivious to the maelstrom he has been thrust into. These aren't just the rants and raves of a person who has been thrown out of an organization.
A fictional hog mascot can't be rolled out without being sued. The mascot may not last the whole time. O-Line Entertainment, formed by original Hogs offensive linemen Joe Jacoby, Mark May, John Riggins, Fred Dean, and Doc Walker, held two trademarks for the brand.
O-Line is going to be forced into trademark litigation if they make the hog their mascot and try to trademark it, according to their lawyer.
It seems like Major Tuddy was designed to be a visual dopamine in the stadium that feels like it has been hit by a volcano. Ron Rivera was surprised by the three-game losing streak that knocked the Commanders out of the playoffs. Riverboat Ron subjected the paying ticket holders at FedEx Field to the quarterback stylings of Carson Wentz and his troika of picks.
The fact sheet is concerning. He is said to be 5-5, 220. Were Dr. Ronny Jackson's doctors? Homey has to weigh at least 280 pounds with his heavy love handles and rotund belly.
The dead eyes of most mascots are not nice to look at. The art of creating a look that doesn't make you suspicious about what it's planning or simpering fool is an art.
The Seahawk in Seattle looks like he willpeck an eye out. The Eagles mascot is half-smiling and half-sneering. Viktor would be better suited to the Commanders. His face has a lot of emotion. He seems to be processing a recent trauma or he is just happy.
One day Major Tuddy is going to be a pork chop. Hopefully, he will be the one to leave. He promised to sell the asset he damaged.
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