It is difficult to date in the modern age. There is an entire vocabulary devoted to our collective experiences when it comes to sex and love.
The situationship is one of the relationship types having a moment. A situationship is now considered to be a valid relationship status according to the year in review. This dating term has been around since May of last year, when it was invented by Carina Hsieh.
A lot of videos on TikTok put into words the loneliness of getting over someone you never dated, bringing a sense of validity to the experience. The way we think about relationships is evolving. According to the dating app Feeld, there has been a 250 percent increase in monthly active users in the UK in the last two years.
It can be difficult to come up with a definition for the situationship. It is thought to be a sexual and/or romantic relationship that has no formal boundaries. People used to be embarrassed to be in a situation and may have used the word to complain.
Some people do benefit from situationalships. People are looking for them according to Dr. West. She says that people are seeing situationships in a more positive way, taking it as an opportunity to test if feelings develop organically. It allows you to gauge your compatibility and measure if your likes and dislikes match up, or if there are any red flags.
People are increasingly seeing situationships in a more positive way, taking it as an opportunity to test if feelings develop organically, whilst giving individuals time to build deeper connections.
When it comes to healthy communication and allowing you to process your emotions properly, situationships have a tendency to end badly. "If you develop feelings with someone without any boundaries and commitment, this can bring up a lot of insecurity, as it shows both your partner and yourself a level of respect."
If navigating a situationship that lacks boundaries is hard, ending that relationship and moving on from it could be even harder.
When a situationship starts to cause more stress and drama than it does happiness and satisfaction, it is time to have a conversation about turning it into something else. How do you break up with someone you don't know? When it comes to moving on from someone, a lack of communication is usually what defines a situation.
If you don’t end things and simply 'ghost' the person, feelings of uncertainty, anxiety and confusion will arise which are unpleasant for anyone to go through.
"Ending a situationship may not feel as straightforward as a relationship because no labels are attached to it, leading you to question if a conversation'to end it' is really necessary," West says. Feelings of uncertainty, anxiety and confusion are unpleasant for anyone to go through if you don't end things and ghost the person.
In order to respect your own feelings and those of the person you are in a situation with, you need to be honest with them about how you feel.
Even if your situationship has been characterized by late-night texts and drunk phone calls, it's probably best to have conversations about changing the boundaries of the relationship in person. "If you want to end this kind of situationship, open up in a direct, kind, loving, honest conversation with the person," says Dr. Kalanit Ben-Ari. Ben-Ari emphasizes the importance of approaching these conversations with compassion, as the chances are you both feel as confused as each other by the situation.
People in long-term relationships who have had a bad break-up are usually the ones who think of heartbreak. It is important to acknowledge that the burning of a situationship can be just as painful as it is.
It’s really heartbreak over the loss of a fantasy – a wish, a longing, a projection that you had about them, a hope, rather than the person themselves.
Getting over a situationship can be even more difficult than dealing with a traditional relationship, as you process what happened, what went wrong and all the difficult feelings that brought up. Dr Ben-Ari says that if you're not in a relationship with someone, it's really sad to lose a fantasy. It is important to think about what you miss about this person compared to what you miss about the situation. Journaling can be used to reflect on your feelings.
It is important to not look at the end of a situationship as a loss. It doesn't mean that a relationship didn't add value to your life. Although it is natural to feel down after the end of a situationship because you've been vulnerable with someone and emotionally invested in them, West suggests thinking about the more positive aspects of this break up. If you're on the same wavelength about what you want from a relationship, situationalships can be a way to see if that connection is there.
If you are looking for a serious relationship, your situationship might not have been that, but West stresses that, "dating is a process of narrowing out other people that aren't the right match for us."
If you end up in a situationship unintentionally, it's probably a good thing that you don't feel ready to date again immediately after. If you know what your priorities are when it comes to dating, you can find someone who is a good match for you.
"If you find yourself constantly being in situationships with a lack of boundaries and your partners not wanting to commit, maybe it is time to stop looking for the perfect person and get to the root cause of why you are tracking partners like this." It's a good idea to seek out therapy to help you deal with these feelings and habits. It is important to find friends and family who will empathise with your feelings, as they do not react in a way that feels comforting.
Don't blame yourself or put yourself down when moving on from a situationship. "Grieving a relationship if they never fully committed to you can bring up old feelings of not being good enough, so try to avoid looking at it as such," Strawson said.
When it comes to practical aspects of getting over your situationship, you might be wondering if it's best to stay in touch with them or cut contact. This is dependent on the relationship and how it ends and there are benefits to both options.
Grieving a relationship if they never fully committed to you can bring up old feelings of not being good enough.
It's not fair to lead someone on if you're not serious about it. She says it's easier to get over a break up if they aren't accessible to you.
If you are doing so for the right reasons, staying in touch can have benefits. She says it can be helpful to tell the truth about how the relationship has hurt you. Tell us what your expectations were and how they made you feel. Accept the pain and difficulty you feel as a result of the relationship, and be open about your decision to end the relationship.
You might not be ready to speak about these feelings at the point of ending the situation, so in some cases, doing so at a later stage can be helpful.
It's important to look after yourself, do things that make you feel good and protect your mental health when dealing with the aftermath of a relationship. If you don't know where to go for help with your mental health, talk to your doctor.
If you're having a mental health crisis or if you're experiencing a broken heart, please talk to someone. You can call the 988 Suicide and Crisis Hotline at 988, or the Trans Lifeline at (877) 565-8860. You can text "start" to the crisis text line. The help line is open from 10:00 a.m. to 10:00 p.m. on Mondays through Fridays. Email info@nami.org The Samaritans can be reached in the UK. You can use the 988 Suicide and Crisis Hotline at crisischat.org if you don't want to use the phone. International resources are listed here.
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