In the new year, we need to make new friends and shore up old ones.
Americans spend more time alone and on their devices than with anyone else. The average American spent about six and a half hours a week with friends. Time with friends decreased while time alone increased. Americans were spending less than four hours a week with friends before the Pandemic hit. It wasn't that those hours were going to other people. Time spent alone went up as time with friends went down.
I understand the idea of carving out a little bit of quiet for myself. We are increasingly isolated, connecting through our phones, laptops and tablets rather than doing the harder but much more meaningful work of in- person interaction.
In person, you can’t just close to the tab or quit the game at the hint of conflict or annoyance
A lot of what we find immediately satisfying, from choosing fast food over vegetables to spending our money on objects instead of experiences, is not good for our long-term health. A world where most of us are tethered to devices designed by some of the smartest people on the planet to capture and maintain our attention is what we are living in.
Being around other humans with all of their quirks can be hard. You have to be more patient, generous, slow and thoughtful in person than you can be on social media. That is the real thing of a human connection. It is the way we learn to be kind. It is how we improve our social skills.
It isn't to say that our online lives aren't real or that all time spent on our phones is a waste. Social media can help us stay connected to the people we love, it can open up new insights, and it can be a conduit to new relationships.
Balance is important. After the Pandemic pushed so many of us into isolation, too many of us got badly out of balance. Many people who had not exercised their social muscles for a long time decided they were too rusty.
I don't feel as awkward as I did before pandemic. I act like a fool around new people when I say the wrong things. I try to remember that socializing is a skill that requires practice. The awkwardness of getting there is not worth it.
People who are more connected are more happy. Human beings were built to live alone or with only one family.
Men in the United States are less social than they used to be. Men tend to have fewer friends than women, but married men are more connected to each other than single men.
The loneliness epidemic may only get worse as fewer people marry and have children. Marriage and kids are not necessary for a happy and connected life. Many single adults are very close to their friends and family, but not all of them. A growing number of kinless adults are at greater risk as they age due to the fact that they are single and don't have kids.
Americans still find almost three hours a day, on average, to watch TV
Some of the friendship decline may have to do with Americans being so busy. We don't have paid sick days or vacation after having a baby. White-collar workers are more likely to work long hours while those who are paid hourly are less likely to do so. At the same time, the demands of parenthood have increased, and we don't have a guarantee of affordable care. It's true that friends fall by the wayside.
Americans spend more time socializing and communicating on average than they do playing games and engaging in other recreational activities on the computer. It would be beneficial for most of us to watch one less show and spend more time in person with someone we care about or want to know.
You might have read about how we are more divided than ever and how many people are on an emotional hair-trigger after the Pandemic. Domestic violence, road rage incidents, murders, assaults on flight attendants, drug overdoses and general public freak-outs all increased due toemic isolation. Human beings are not supposed to be alone. Society begins to fall when we are separated from each other.
I'm not old. The people are old. Our friendship is important to me.
I am dedicating more of my time in my existing friends, which are wonderful and bring tremendous meaning to my life, in order to make new friends. Making friends isn't going to make politics better. There is good evidence that if we cultivate a variety of friends and deepen them, we will be happier and healthier, which contributes to a happier, healthier culture. It seems like connected, well-socialized people who value their time with others are more likely to demand political policies that support these relationships and the free time they require.
The world won't be saved by friendship. They can make your life a lot better and save your sanity. It is hard to think of a better New Year's resolution than to make the year of friendship and connection.
The H-spot: The Feminist Pursuit of Happiness is a book written by a woman.
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