At first, I didn't pay much attention. When you don't realize your headaches is gone until an hour after it starts to diminish, it's hard to see the lack of a thing.
I have never been a head-turner. I have never stood out in the way that makes people excited or uneasy. I was pleasant enough that I would smile and look at me.
People stopped paying attention to me in my 50's.
To get the cashier's attention, I had to say "hello" at the register. I could see their eyes moving past me as I ordered my coffee.
I knew this was it. "I've become invisible"
I used to be out of the public eye. The attention I got from men ranged from appreciative smiles to flirting to cat calls that turned to anger when I didn't react the way they wanted. Until it was crossed, it was difficult to see the line.
It was fun and sweet when some guys kissed. Others just made me feel bad. It was difficult to navigate these encounters because the behavior from different men felt very different. The constant vigilance is tiring.
Sometimes, I didn't want to be noticed. I didn't want to be sized up by men who act like they're on the earth to please them. When they notice you, you should be thankful.
You can get two kinds of results when you search for women,50 and invisible. The first will tell you that women stop being noticed as they get older. You will get advice on how to beat the odds and stay relevant. Staying relevant means staying relevant to the men who make good fortune.
I was raised with all those other isms. I was expected to smile and laugh along with misogynist jokes when I was younger. My rebels fought with my pleaser. I raged.
I didn't like the male gaze. I wanted boys to notice me because I was ready for sex. To be seen, I had to run a gauntlet of male brutality. Since I was 16 years old, I've been busty. Paul said the lungs were healthy. The front of your shirt is67531.
The razor-thin line between being a prude and a slut is something I wouldn't wish female adolescence on anyone. That is actually a lie. A lot of men would benefit from being forced into a situation with a teenager.
The guy who became my first serious boyfriend was my freshman dorm roommate. My music was being listened to. My soon-to-be-physician asked Lou Reed if he knew who he was.
I would reply as I would now. This tape was made by me.
I wasn't able to.
I was afraid that someone I didn't know would sing " Walk on the Wild Side".
I was second-guessing myself a lot when I was young. The black beating heart of it is the fact that these boys could ruin my self-confidence. What did they do to do it? I couldn't muster a sense of self-assuredness from them. That's what it takes to walk the earth.
Being a woman in the world is tiring. It can still be frightening. It's a huge relief that I no longer feel like I'm being evaluated.
There is a lot of space in my head. Over time, other people's opinions have become unimportant. You have more space to observe when you aren't being watched. I saw a lot of people who don't care about their opinions.
People who love you think you are pretty. They are interested in how you feel. They want to hear what you have to say. Don't bother me if you ignore me. They don't count. I decide if I'm relevant or not.
Middle age has its pains and surprises. I would like to look the same way I did at 30. I'm a human. It doesn't bother me The mirror is what I want to please.
I bought my daughters T-shirts a few years ago that said "Women Don't Owe You Shit" When I was a teenager, the world didn't want to hear what I had to say.
I have stopped caring. I feel like I'm no longer interesting. It is a relief to walk down the street without thinking. I don't expect to get any attention. My personal space is not invaded by anyone.
I've never been told to smile in a decade.
I like to fly under the radar. There are a lot of cool women hanging out with me down here. There is a group of opinions that I am interested in.
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