This week's thought of the week is inspiring. "I know where I'd go."
"Where?"
"I'd go to Akron. I'd go there with a pretty woman. A strange woman. A quiet woman. I wouldn't even want to know her name. Where I would be just 'Mr. Smith' and I would send out for cold beer. Then I would tell her things. Things that I've never told to anyone. Things that are locked deep in here. And as I talk to her, I would want her to hold out a soft hand and say, 'Poor thing. Poor, poor thing.'"
"How long would you want this to go on, doctor?"
"Two weeks."
"Two weeks? Wouldn't that get a little monotonous? Just Akron, cold beer and 'poor thing' for two weeks?"
"No, it would be wonderful." Cecil Kellaway and Jimmy Stewart are in the movie "Harvey". We have been thrown off of our collective axis by the fact that we are located in the room of file cabinets where Deion is storing all the Power 5 job offers that he doesn't plan to take. The schedule of ours is worse than the one of the Aztek. Someone has erased our calendar more times than we have. Our usual end-of-regular-season routine has been ruined. The annual gathering of college football minds such as Jerry Glanville, Charlie Weis and Ed "Straight Arrow" Gennero were told to stay away from the meeting. What's the reason? There is still time for the season to end. Our teams did not receive an invitation to the conference championship game. A mountain of snow kept one of our favorites from playing its final game, and now we have to wait to see what happens. The dammit is in the city of Akron. Instead of holding a fake committee vote, we have gone full old school and are using a fake approach. We are doing mathematics. We came up with the faux pas index because we didn't want to rely on the sorcerously accurate football power index. It's easy. We mean it's completely convoluted. Each team gets one point for each win, one point for each loss, and one point for each loss of their longest losing streak of the year. We subtract the number of points they have surrendered from the number of points they have scored, subtract or add points based on turnover margin and throw in a 50 point reduction if they have fired their head coach. Take the number of games played and divide it by the number of points you get for it. Let's do some math. It's all about math, math, math. There are apologies to former Michigan State Spartan Addie Gaddis and Steve Harvey. There were wins of -1.
Losses: -11
Longest losing streak: -6 (current -10)
185 points for, 534 points against: -349
Turnover margin: -12 (tied with Akron for fourth worst in FBS)
Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: -50
Total: -437
Games played: 12
Final Bottom 10 Faux Pas Index: -36.42
1. Colora-duh (1-11)
The Buffs can at least celebrate a championship while they wait for Deion to reject them. Colorado became the college football equivalent ofJared Leto's "Morbius" once we pushed it through the numerical cheese grater of the Bottom 10FPI formula. It was going to be terrible. It would be terrible.
Keyshawn Johnson talked about why Deion would be a good fit at Colorado.
There were wins of -1.
Losses: -11
Longest losing streak: -9 (current -10)
150 points for, 373 points against: -223
Turnover margin: -3
Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: N/A
Score: -255
Games played: 12
Final Bottom 10 FPI: -21.25
The year ended with back-to-back Pillow Fights of the Week against Arkansaw State and Texas A&M, and then the worst loss of the year to the Army.
There were wins of -1.
Losses: -11
Longest losing streak: -10 (current -10)
336 points for, 494 points against: -158
Turnover margin: -4
Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: -50
Total: -242
Games played: 12
Final Bottom 10 FPI: -20.17
The Bulls ended the season with the second-longest losing streak in college football, a run that included L's loss to UT and Temple, as well as the firing of its coach.
There were wins of -1.
Losses: -11
Longest losing streak: -11 (current -10)
165 points for, 340 points against: -175
Turnover margin: -19 (worst in FBS)
Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: N/A
Total: -225
Games played: 12
Final Bottom 10 FPI: -18.75
If you were wondering who in the world could have lost more consecutive times than the University of South Florida's 10 in a row, we have a place for you in Illinois.
They were at the hands of the other A&M's. The Flames land in the Coveted Fifth Spot after flaming out at the end of an otherwise heavenly 8-4 season with a stunning 49-14 loss to natural geographic rival New Mexico State. I think it was difficult for Hugh Freeze to keep both eyes on the football.
There were +3 wins.
Losses: -10
Longest losing streak: -4
257 points for, 451 points against: -194
Turnover margin: -8
Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: N/A
Total: -213
Games played: 13
Final Bottom 10 FPI: -16.38
The only Bottom 10 FPI that was divisible by an unlucky 13 was that of the Warriors. Timmy Chang's team improved dramatically as a season that began with it ranked first/ worst early and often continued to plow ahead. It erupted for the first time in 40 years after it was so angry over the season ending.
There were +3 wins.
Losses: -9
Longest losing streak: -4
294 points for, 473 points against: -180
Turnover margin: -8
Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: -50
Total: -248
Games played: 12
Final Bottom 10 FPI: -20.67
Whenever I have my Niners in these rankings, the kid who rings me up always has me on blast, so I'm bracing myself for my next visit to my local supermarket here in Charlotte. He's going to say something first. We ended the season with a win over Louisiana Tech and they are 3-9, so why aren't they in the bottom 10? We ran the 3-and-9ers vs Lose-ee-anna Tech in the computer and it wasn't close. Thanks to a larger points for/ against margin, turnover margin and fired coach bonus, Charlotte nearly doubled Louisiana Tech'sFPI. He'll say something next. What is with your food? You eat like a young child.
The wins were +2.
Losses: -9
Longest losing streak: -9
239 points for, 379 points against: -140
Turnover margin: -11
Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: N/A
Total: -167
Games played: 11
Final Bottom 10 FPI: -15.18
The Zips just won their second game of the year and did so against a fellow #MACtion Bottom 10 contender. From watching the CFP rankings announcement shows each week, it's all about the "body of work" and that's how it's going to be for the rest of the year. More than a third of the Zips are 15.18 below zip and NIU's Bottom 10 is minus 6. If you were wondering, the odds of the do-over at Buffalo are 15.4%. We're not sure if we trust it anymore after seeing how easy it is to come up with an FPI formula.
The wins were +2.
Losses: -10
Longest losing streak: -9 (current -10)
157 points for, 312 points against: -155
Turnover margin: +4
Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: N/A
Total: -178
Games played: 12
Final Bottom 10 FPI: -14.83
The No-bos ended the year by giving the former top/ bottom team Colora-duh State a win they needed to get over the wall and out of the bottom 10 prison yard. They are ranked lower than higher. The turnover margin is something to look at. Mexico is tied with Cincinnati and Washington State in 38th place in all of the college sports. Are you attempting to win this thing or not?
The wins were +2.
Losses: -10
Longest losing streak: -10 (current -10)
226 points for, 371 points against: -145
Turnover margin: +2
Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: N/A
Total: -171
Games played: 12
Final Bottom 10 FPI: -14.25
The Oof Pack came out on top over the rest of the pack thanks to the nation's second-longest losing streak. The difference between Whew Mexico and its Mountain West brethren in Reno is small. Nevada beat Liberty destroyers Whew Mexico State back in Week 1. The Pack lost to unLv at the end of the season.
There is a waiting list for Temple of doom, Arkansaw State, Colora-duh State, Northern Ill-ugh-noise, Stampford and Virginia Tech.
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