My new boss doesn't like me, but recently what I thought was going to be a great relationship has turned into a really bad one. I worry that he's building a case to try to fire me because he's gaslighting me.
He recently sent me an email about how I'm falling down on the job. I'm not holding as many client meetings as I should be, I'm ignoring what he tells me to do, I'm resistant to feedback, and so on.
These claims are not correct. I can prove that he's wrong because we work in a very data heavy organization.
The dashboard shows that my sales are on par with other people at my level and that my number of client meetings is fine. I engage him in conversations about what he is asking of me. Other managers think I'm professional. I asked them.
I'm not sure if he's going to use this email against me, or if he's going to put me on a performance improvement plan. My sense of reality is being undermined by it. The whole experience has been crazy since I am in my 40s and have a good career.
I don't know what to do.
An anonymous person.
Gaslighting is a term that describes behavior that is mind manipulating, deceptive, and dishonest. It is the word of the year for 2022, according to Merriam-Webster.
Gaslighters use power in relationships to undermine people's sense of reality. Anyone can be a gaslighter and they come in all shapes and sizes.
The co- founder of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and author of " The Gaslight Effect" said that lighters cause people to think that they are wrong.
You are dancing the gaslight tango when you start second-guessing yourself.
The bad news is that you don't know what's happening. The good news is that you're in the middle of pivot. Where are you going from here?
Make sure you have a clear-eyed view of what's happening. You can inspect your personal data dashboard. Emails and other messages can shed light on what is happening. Check in with your friends.
Ask what your relationship is with the manager. It's possible that this is just your boss's way of doing things. Don't rely on your gut, but verify as well.
Ask for a one-on-one meeting with your boss. Pick your words carefully, and bring documentation with you. This is not a fight.
Smith is an assistant professor of management in the College of Business at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln. Smith has conducted research on toxic bosses, and he says your goal is to create a relationship between your interests and your boss's.
He told them to think about how to resolve the problem together. Say "I'm really committed to helping the organization succeed." Your boss might want that as well.
You should try to get on the same page about your goals.
"I'm concerned that we may have gotten off on the wrong foot, and I would like to fix that." You talk about my performance and the numbers differently to me. I want you to help me clarify my goals so that I can work on what you think is most important. I want to do what it takes to have a good working relationship with you.
It is important to pay attention to your boss's answer. He may apologize if he accidentally gaslights you. If he has a big ego, he may be more than happy to help you.
You need to fashion an exit strategy if he doubles down on the gas lighting behaviors. It has been a good time to quit your job. You have options despite the labor shortage.
Take care of yourself. It becomes difficult to think clearly when you are in a gaslighting relationship with someone you work for. It is emotionally activated when you are faced with a bad opinion. It can be hard to keep your reality.
Take notes on the meetings you have and reduce your contact with your boss. Seek out people who care. You should get plenty of exercise and rest. Do everything you can to keep your mental and emotional health in top shape.
You can't change other people. You can work with yourself to get your reality back.
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