Death doula Raylene Driver Hill of Greensboro, North Carolina, wears one of her collection of appropriate T-shirts.
Death doula Raylene Driver Hill of Greensboro, North Carolina, wears one of her collection of appropriate T-shirts.

People are afraid of talking about death. Raylene Driver Hill said that they pushed it away. If you talk about death, you will die.

All of us are going to die. We don't know when or how it will happen.

People are helped figure out their final days. They prefer to make those plans a long time in advance of the crisis.

smith wrote her own end-of-life plan and chose a health care proxy I will live to be 100 years of age. She said that even though you have all these documents, you aren't going to die tomorrow.

The five wishes end-of-life guide can be used to set down those thoughts. A total of 41 million copies have been distributed. Doctors and senior services agencies may have free copies of the official form, but it's legal if you use it.

A death doula is a person who works with people who are dying. Plans at the end of life are brought by growing profession.

These questions are from Five Wishes. You may want to start working through your five wishes with your family this holiday season.

If you start with the third question, you don't have to answer all of the questions at once.

  1. Who do you want to make health care and medical decisions for if you can't?

  2. In your final days, what medical treatments do you want or don't want? If you are expected to die very soon, are in a coma and not expected to wake up, or have brain damage without expectation of recovery, what would you do? Is there any other situation where you don't want life support?

  3. How do you want your final days to be? Even if it makes you sleepy, do you still want pain medication? Would you like to be washed? Did you brush your teeth?

  4. Consider the best setting for your final days. Are you willing to die at home? Do you want people in your faith community to pray with you?

  5. Do you want to be treated after you die? Are you going to be buried, cremated, or somewhere else? Are you interested in donating your organs? If you want a funeral, what should be included?

Don't be afraid to write down what you really want, no matter how unusual it is. The president of the National End-of- Life Doula Alliance said that you only die once.

There are several card games designed to spark conversations about death if you have a game-playing family. The Death deck, Hello and Morbid curiosity are included.

A previous version of the story stated that more than 45 million people had used Five Wishes.

Danielle is the author of The Secret History of Home Economics. She can be reached at ddreilinger@gannett.com

The Death Deck in the office of death doula Tonya Fortune Smith.

The American South had an article called "Five Wishes": How to plan for death and why to do it now.