My name doesn't feel right and won't roll off your tongue. You say the name "Ann", followed by the name "Nick" and a moment of realization, "Ah"
You might be thinking of a different version.
I have to explain that to other people, only for them to butcher my name when we meet again.
It is difficult to remember any name, and it is even harder when they are uncommon like mine. I can't ignore the sinking feeling in my stomach I get when people I've corrected before get it wrong, or when someone doesn't seem to care enough to ask me.
Mispronunciations weigh more heavily on me than most people realize. If I can gather the courage, I will interrupt a 250-person class to correct someone.
I wish more people could comprehend it. I wanted to find out how common my name is.
I'm not the only one who feels this way.
I wanted to find at least one or two other people who would be willing to talk to me about my unusual name.
Twenty-five people reached out to share their experiences with me, and 21 of them said mispronunciations have been bad for them.
It feels embarrassing and dehumanizing, as if my name is not important to me, as an editorial assistant for a publisher.
A number of people told me that their name was a source of stress. Fourteen of them pointed to a classroom situation.
Durkee is an assistant professor at the University of Michigan.
Mispronunciations can be seen as put-down or invalidation by people. Microaggressions can affect a persons mental health.
They are not easy to deal with. They have a bigger effect on individuals that can lead to negative correlations with mental health over time.
Mental health consequences of microaggressions include stress, anxiety and depression.
Some people prefer alternative ways of saying their names.
I let my class call me "Aw-nee-kah" for the whole year in fourth grade. I panicked when my teacher said that way during the first day of class. I raised my hand to say I was there.
After that day, I decided not to say anything. I was afraid I would confuse them, make their day-to-day interactions difficult or have to correct them a dozen times more. I wish I had said something about it.
I talked to five people who chose to be called nicknames. Shefali Raghavan shortens her name to "Shef." She says it's an easy alternative that doesn't prompt uncomfortable questions, but she can't help but feel disappointed when she hears the nickname.
Raghavan feels like he's lowering his standards for who he is.
People who adopt more white-sounding names can have a negative effect on their culture. Xuenan Hu, a product manager in New York, sometimes chooses to go by "Lily" instead of "Xuenan", but she doesn't like it.
Xuenan is more than a label of who I am. Hu says it's a recognition of the culture that he comes from. It makes me feel like I let go of that part of my identity when I go bylily.
Why would you do that? It takes a lot of energy to correct the people around you, so convenience is a good thing.
People with uncommon names can be affected by mispronunciations. You may not know how much you can help.
It can be difficult to say a name. You may get it wrong more than once. Durkee says that if you just met someone and are going to interact with them a lot, you should try to say it correctly.
Don't guess if you're unsure about a pronunciation or name choice. If you can't remember the answer, apologize and ask again.
Durkee says that people will be reassured by the fact that you took initiative.
He says that the choice should always be in the hands of the person with the name it is.
I think that's true for me. I don't think people will be perfect with my name. I don't have any bad feelings against people who butcher it.
I want to know if you try.
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